Thursday, December 31, 2009

what is special?

special... this word... suddenly i feel so odd and so strange bout it... i... dun really understand the word anymore... i really wish i could be the special one to someone... someone who would think of me first before others... someone who's willing to listen to my heart, my soul... someone... who can love me for who i am...

another time

sob lar.... why i know something like that again at this moment? suck lar... really no one thought of me first before others one, i'll never be the first one to know something... haiz... i hope tomorrow... your answer will change my mind for now...

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

happy but sad ? sad but happy ?

hmm, this feeling ... i hesitated for quite long d... but i got it clearer few days back... and... i'm really not hurting you and pressuring you or anything here... just really expressing what i was thinking all this time since i'm back from ns...

the moment you told me you've gotten together with him... it really breaks me down... i thought i'm really have to face the fact and give up on you... i even push myself hard with the ns schedule... when the JL asked me to do something, i'll push myself to the extreme limit even though i dun have to... but... the more i force myself, it's just reminding me of you... i even blame myself for not doing things faster... but i know... all these kind of things... really cannot force one... 2 weeks later, you sms me once again telling me you're finished with him... that moment, i really dunno what to say, what to think or even what to do while i have a full schedule there in ns...

i wonder... again and again... is it me who caused you making that mistake ? or should i say decision rather than mistake? i don't know... during ns, i keep telling you bout myself only... i din't really care for you... maybe i made you feel lonely... or jealous cause i keep talking bout the girls in my camp... and end up... you made that decision...i i i really don't know.... cause all this while... i really don't know what you feel for me... ok... i just wish everything will be clear for me at that moment... ok.... that's like few months back d, dun wan to talk bout it anymore... somehow, i just feel like expressing it tonight... cause if i say it out, i'm sure i'll end up crying on someone's shoulder or sadder, my own pillow...

few days back, i'm really happy and glad... cause we've chatted a lot... some topics are not even supposed to chat about... and... you told me that you tell me everything... but... i knew i'm not the first one to know everything... i feel kinda sad cause i'm not the first one you think of... but i know i should be feeling glad that i'm already someone you will think of... sometimes i really dunno should i feel sad or happy... but 1 thing for sure, you've changed a lil... now you're letting me know the details instead of telling me it's someone or something...

maybe... i'm just thinking too much... but sometimes... we just dun realise why are we doing something in those ways... maybe there's some reason we never notice... just like CP3, JT never realise he fell in love with XJ until she say she gonna marry someone else... funny huh? he don't know he fell in love...

Thursday, December 17, 2009

never knew

i never knew that you would affect me that much... this few days, i've been doing lots of thinking... i find it funny bout the way how i know you... and it's... such an important event that happened in my life... all this while... i really can't find anything to describe us... until last night... i thought of 2 funny examples.. haha

we're just like a pink guava... i'm the green outside, and you're the pink inside... as i like green and you liked pink... i might look tough and rough but actually i'm sort of soft inside... you look like a special type of guava... that actually really sweet inside... ppl will never know how sweet you are until they get to know you more... maybe... i'm just a lil over protective and sensitive like the pink guava skin... >.< anything happen also can change my colour of skin which is like my mood swing sometimes... haha

another funny example is... you're like the sakuras growing at my bamboo field... same to the pink green concept... sakura... only at japan i suppose? and bamboo... for panda to eat and just fully green... it's funny to think that sakuras will grow on bamboo? haha.... all this while... my life is just like plain green... but you've brought this beautiful bright colour into my life... my field... every time i meet you, you're wearing pink... except for the 1st time we met and 1st time we talked... others.. not too many times, but still.... all pink... hehe.... if you remember la... =) it's really wonderful knowing you in my life...

bout the affect me part... i think i've changed a lot after knowing you, but as for changing to a better side... many things that i wouldn't do last time, i really did them... and... just without you being around when i needed you... it's just... plain loneliness...

sorry for not being there when you needed someone... and sorry for promising i'll be there always while i can't...

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Movie Marathon

hmm, for the past 2 weeks, i think i've watched like 5 movies? here's my comments

2012
- a very good show, which made me start worrying bout the world... lolz
- to those who watched this, remember what the guy said bout civilization =)
- can't really comment much, but it's really a great show

A Christmas Carol
- scary yet funny, well... not to say scary lar, it's more to like shocking
- somehow telling people not to forget bout the past?
- people will treat you like how you treated them, and sometimes there's ppl like... they'll still treat you good and respect you even you always treat them bad

Couples Retreat
- thumbs up =P
- i really love this meaningful show, haha
- this show shows us bout relationship, and it's kinda true that... most of the problems between couples are caused by the lacking of communications? like... they made you realise how seldom you talk to your partner... they show you that... you always thought that you cared for your partner but actually most of the time you just talking bout yourself... i like the part where the guy say : you said done lots of things together? what are those things? what i heard only his her his her his her, where's we? where's us? where's our?
- the programme inside the show... it's not like what dave said.... creating problems that you couples never have but to make you realise or notice or aware of what problems you actually have... which is lack of communications or really listen to your partner.. what he or she really wants...
Twilight Saga : New Moon
- missed a bit of the starting cause decided to watch last minute T_T but i've got student price for it... muahahahz.... rm7 !! fyi : i watched alone... >.<
- i think along this movie, i never get bored... it's like exciting all the time... haha
- i feels like jacob... i mean his condition and situation.... not his body and face... lolz...
- really like alice, bella, jacob... they're pretty and handsome !! =P
- to jane and edward lovers... sorry i'm not with you... like that only can argue mar... HAHA
- waiting for next one... can't wait actually.. HAHA

The Storm Warrior : 风云
- highly recommended for those who like action movies, it's loud and full of actions, you can even feel the vibrations from your seat... free massage.. lolz
- ms zx from cp3 acted as chu chu 楚楚 in this show, she's still so pretty... haha
- can't really comment much bout this too, but it's quite a good production... they created a new word too... pronounce as BA ! haha...

Friday, November 27, 2009

post

so long never blog already... >.< really dunno what to blog also.... recently... too much things happened... really dunno which part to start blogging or wanna express bout them... 1 thing for sure is... i really have to decide what to take and where to go as soon as possible... if not i'll be dragging myself for another half year and i'll be wasting more and more time as long as i din start my course... haiz...

well, roughly discussed bout the college thing yesterday.. maybe i shouldn't worry so much, just start the course and go with the flow... if not ... i can't start my course forever d... keep thinking too much is not the way to solve this problem... haiz... really wish everything will be fine and i won't make the wrong decision... haiz... just too much negatives going around huh? haiz.. aura...

maybe i should see the positive side too huh? there are people who keep helping me and comforting me whenever i need them... =) sometimes i thought being female have lots of advantages... haha... but now at least i know being a male also not bad .... haha !! thanks girls =) for helping me.. haha...

too many maybe in my life, too many haiz... too many if !! i should be more confident and do what i should do!! to myself and everyone outside, gam ba teh neh ! =)

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

the right one

life will be beautiful if you spent it with the right person

Monday, November 2, 2009

do not keep your heart even if it's a broken heart

a person who fell in love with you before never love you again - heart breaking
heart broken people always run away when they have chance to be in love again because they're afraid that their heart will be hurt again, afraid that getting their heart broken once again. they couldn't trust anyone else anymore. they afraid if they trust someone else again, their heart will be broken again like how it was before.

but if you're keeping your heart from everyone, what's the difference if it's broken? if you just plan to keep on keeping it, someday, when you wanna try using it again, it won't be any good. we all should grab chances and got nothing to lose. the heart might be broken, but it isn't gone nor dead. if it's gone, you won't treat anyone else good.

sometimes, it's not ppl forget bout you... just that they forget to remember you because they were too busy... and they don't mean to forget, it just happens.

do not make promises that you can't keep.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

something i noticed

hmm, i noticed that... we, human... always see negative things more important/1st to come compare to positive stuff... well... you see... in a relationship, when he/she is doing all the great stuff, the other one will just like : aww~ you're so sweet, i love you... but when he/she made a mistake, arguement will come~ or like cold war ~ don't talk at all and stuff... yar, i understand that we all will feel angry or somehow disappointed when your partner made a mistake that you never liked/never wish he/she will make... but... a mistake can wipe off all the great moments you guys had? those great stuff he/she did? well, i can't really comment much cause i'm a single guy... i never faced those tornado, typhoon, cold war, ice age!! with the other person... so... that's just my opinion lar, why ppl can ignore all the goods because of 1 bad? >.<

ok, let's not talk bout relationship ones... talk bout normal family stuff... example, school results... no matter how many As you get, they just feel happy for you or like ask you to maintain it... but once you failed any subject, words like : see, ask you study dun wan, everyday play play play... now fail d lar... or like : how can you fail?? never study?? or stuff like that... not to say ALL but seldom will have like : oh, you failed? just try harder next time and score better.... seldom you'll see parents focus more on improvements than grades...

next thing is bout housecore, no matter how clean you cleaned the house, they will like just... wa, you cleaned those? not bad not bad, keep it up... but once they felt that bit of dust, then started to scold : you everyday at home, very busy hor? dunno how to clean the house ah ?!?! gosh... i'm so sick of ppl not appreciating.... not just family, but friends also... haiz... life....shit mann... when will it change to become better?

Sunday, October 25, 2009

friends

hmmm, something just flash by my mind... and made me thought for a while... hmmm...

using basketball and cheerleading as example... your team...

when your team win - everyone celebrate together
when your team lose - everyone sad together
when you made your team wins - it's either everyone happy for you, or some might jealous of you
when you made your team loses - it's either some ppl comfort you or some ppl blame you

i wonder what's the feeling of being in a team... like... do your friends actually supported you all the time? or they just really treat you as a teammate only... like just to team up and perform together... or behind the stage, they really cared for you... hmm...

i couldn't explain or express what's running in my mind, cause sometimes it's just so hard to transform them into words and publish it out...

haha, read back the post, i dun really saying what's on my mind... i mean, i dun really get what myself is trying to say also... LOLx

Friday, October 23, 2009

stop my damm freaking past

ya ya ya, sukie sukie sukie... i admit that i used to say that i'll love sukie forever... but i din say that to her, i say to my friends only... that's why i think like, there's no commitment at all was made... you know i feel really annoyed when some of you ppl still saying : "i remember last time you say you'll love sukie forever and never change, how you know your love towards manda won't change this time?" gosh... it's so irritating whenever i heard that mann...

ya, i used to think that way and say things that way... but... can't you ppl change your damm thinking meh? din you notice everytime when you say i used to love sukie, i always dun give any response? cause i really dun wan to get into any arguement, it's not that i'm speechless bout it... ya, maybe i'm speechless bout it, but that was the past for god's sake... why keep bringing it out in front of so many ppl and keep saying bout it? i used to be "stupid" or rather immature... cause i even thought of buying a car with the number plat of WSQ1314? ya... funny...

and as for now... i din always bring out the topic "manda" right? because i din commit anything to her yet... and you got hear from me that i'll love manda forever? the answer is no!! because i've learnt how to think now... unlike form 4's me... ya, i can't guarantee i'll love manda forever as the ME i am now... no one can guarantee, even if they promised you, they can break their promises any time they want... because as who i am now, i can't give the secure feeling, that kind of assurance to manda... because i always knew that i'm not good enough for anyone yet...

ya ya ya, many ppl say i'm good, i'm kind, i'm a good listener, i'm a good friend or whatsoever... but deep down inside, i know i'm not good, i'm not kind, dun even mention a good listener or a good friend... i know i've been always a trouble to ppl... cause i never make decisions whenever we hang out, i can never handle calls or decide like where to meet, where to eat or stuff like that... when ppl call me and ask : "hey, what movie are we watching later? and what time is it?" i can't answer questions like that cause i never have enough confidence in myself and i really afraid of making decisions....

i always thought like i can be good to others... but sometimes the things i do, it's just too over... sometimes i'm just trying to help but end up making more troubles or problems... that's why i'm used to like... not making any decisions at all... every decisions i made, there's problems around... i'm trying to improve myself in any ways i can...

can just stop saying what i used to say bout sukie? i'm starting to get annoyed by my dumbness? f*** it mann...

P.S. not trying to say sukie not good but just how bad was i...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

i'm sort of "back"

i notice, the recent me... is so back to the old me... the little emo boy... haha... i don't know how to describe what i'm feeling now... but... after listening to those old songs... i mean... songs with memories... so many songs reminding me bout the past... those sweet moments, those chats... now... everyone is moving forward, and i'm staying the same? i know myself is getting weaker... i really don't know how to describe all these... i'm feeling myself like... hmm... am i not ready for a relationship? am i just dare not to confess? or what? there's just too many question marks in my mind... time is the best way to show me a clearer view, guide me with clues

sometimes, i'm just feeling so weird, after knowing so much... i really afraid i can't give what you want... sometimes i really feel like i dun deserve you... i mean... you're just too great for my life... ya, i have to agree that love is to look beyond the imperfections... because seriously you're the 100% perfect girl to me... "十全十美, sap qun sap mei" sometimes i really blaming myself... how can i be so helpless? i can't even do a simple thing...

seeing you smile is the greatest thing
making you smile is the happiest thing
loving your smile is the most beautiful thing

too bad, i can only do the 3rd one... failed to do the 1st and 2nd ones...

this year, 295 days gone... and i've only met you 3 times... if i'm not mistaken... knowing you is the greatest part of my life and the most beautiful happening in my life... and i seriously dun hope it's the worst part of your life for knowing me... =(

L L L - the song where the love begins

Saturday, October 17, 2009

thinking

it's time to start appreciating what we have instead of being jealous of what the others have...

sometimes we just dunno how lucky we are actually... for experiencing something different than the others... or having something some other ppl dun hav... there's many 1 and only thing on earth... maybe you having 1 of those? just try to listen more from others... you'll realise how lucky you are... you'll be appreciating instead of complaining... be grateful, be glad that you have those memories, experiences, special stuff, hand made gifts, presents from friends...

think
- how many ppl din receive birthday present before
- how many ppl din celebrate their birthday with a cake and wishes
- how many ppl din attend or have a party for their birthday before
- how many ppl actually get to celebrate his/her birthday with a bunch of friends? (if you had, you should be grateful that your friends cared for you, instead of thinking why they care for you last time but not now?)

everyone has their life and their own problems, they can't stay beside us all the time, we just have to learn how to face problems on our own...

that's all for today, just thought of this =P

Monday, October 12, 2009

11th October 2009

it was a blast !! it started quite bad... cause me and kean lip were late for the gather time, which is 11am 11min 11sec but we arrived at 12pm 05min =( nvm... we're forgiven by the 3 misses and mr tee... haha...

went gasoline for our brunch... hmm... whole meal we're talking bout the waitress there... got 1 waitress, she's beautiful and sweet~ her voice... gosh... hear d feels like hearing it again... haha !! too bad she only like, give us the menu and take the menu from us... after that din see her d... the food was served by some other girl... me and my other friend keep like... err... wanted to see her... LOL... end up we only meet her when we're leaving the gasoline... her image still in my mind... haha... in gasoline, 1 of my friend like... crazy !! keep taking our pictures and laugh on her own... even when we take her picture, she also laugh non-stop... the funniest expression from her is " it's gonna explode !! " ... lolz

after our lunch, we meet up with sam !! oops, why is he empty handed?? no clothes?? how are we going to lagoon then?? >.< accompanied sam to buy the "equipments" and went in lagoon after that... hehe... inside there, gosh... our ms crazies... all keep laughing non-stop... made me keep laughing too, but almost vomit ==" it was a fun day =) never regret going for it ... hehe...

if you know mandarin, might as well visit my mandarin blog... =) i can describe with more feelings i guess.... cause the whole happening was in mandarin form... haha... my blog link is on the right =)

Thursday, October 8, 2009

trust ?

hehe, define trust?? hard question...

if base on dictionary,

1. Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.
2. Custody; care.
3. Something committed into the care of another; charge.
4. Reliance on something in the future; hope.

1. To have or place confidence in; depend on.
2. To expect with assurance; assume
3. To believe: I trust what you say.
4. To place in the care of another; entrust.
5. To grant discretion to confidently6. To extend credit to.

this is what you'll get...

trust, to me... it's a new word... as in my life... i'm seldom expose to such thing called trust... because it's just too hard to believe that such thing still exist... ppl around... will just keep ignoring the faith you've put on them, and just keep on betraying you with your "trust" on them... the more you trusted them, the easier they "use" you, everyone is taking advantages around... putting trust on someone, it's just so not a right thing to do... i've been betrayed again and again... i'm losing my trust on others, but i still believe that ppl will realise... how much they've hurt me... how much faith i put on them... and i do agree with my friend, once you know your trust has been betrayed... it hurts our heart and soul really badly... i don't know what else i could say bout trust... seriously... it's fading in my dictionary....

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

L I F E

what you understand bout this 4 alphabets ?? you're living in it for how long?? do you really understand what it is ??

life is something that we MUST live in?? can anyone separate themselves with life ?? no way mann... once your life is gone, your person is gone too... and life... isn't something we can really control, we can only make changes... but sometimes... what's going to happen, it's going to happen too... we can't change it... and guess what... the hardest part of life is life itself... because life isn't predictable, we can't prepare to face what we gonna face... that's why we have friends, that's why we have family... family... somewhere for you to learn before you going further in the future... bad or good... all start from the family... train yourself before you expose yourself to the real world... the real REAL world... ppl work smart... ppl dun work hard... sometimes, certificates aren't that important...

so many ppl succeed without having high educations level... so many ppl created things without learning much in school... life... no one say it's going to be easy... ppl only say take it easy... because everyone know life's hard and life's what we, only ourselves can solve in our own life... problems in life... ppl around can only guide you, suggest you, assist you, in the end, you'll still have to solve it on your own will and effort... never make life hard for yourself, ppl~

surrounding is our biggest enemy in life, but it can be our best friend too... many things will happen around us, you wanna take it as lesson, or take it as test, or wanna make it something that bring you down, it's up to you... what's most close to you? family... you spend most of your time with them for now... that's why we have learn, practise, and realise how hard to run a family... just try to CREATE any lessons you can from what's happening around...

argue - try to get some points in it... even sometimes you feel that, they're arguing for nothing... but there's always something in it... sometimes... your parents wanted you to know something, realise something... your friends... sometimes they want you to notice what you've been not knowing for ages... argue, seems like something bad from the physical, but having lesson behind every arguement...

smile - fake smile? real slime? happy smile? awkward smile? even a simple smile can make different changes and different thoughts... smile, can make your mood better, but it can also help you to get over something...

i dunno what else to write... there's just so much things i learnt and i wish everyone would learn the same thing too... but, it's just too much... AND i'm not being positive all the time, just that i'm functioning my brain all the time... sometimes i make mistakes too, because no one is perfect right?? although i've learnt so much.. but i haven learn all... gambateh to myself, and gambateh to everyone... hope you guys can make your own life a better life to live with... remember, good or bad, all start from ourself... surrounding just something to affect our decisions...

Friday, October 2, 2009

(P) for Positive and (N) for negative

Thinkings

(P) i'm glad that i still have money to spend
(N) why other ppl so rich?? what also can buy, why i cannot buy ??

(P) oh, i got handphone... not bad... can call can sms
(N) why their phone so nice? my one so cacat de... no colour what also dun hav

(P) oh? i'm actually working... got income o =P
(N) everyday do same thing, salary so low... what the heck !

(P) i have a meal to eat, so grateful
(N) these again ?!?! can we eat something nicer??

(P) i have friends to hang out
(N) everytime go out with them, so sian la... somemore dun care bout me

(P) i'm playing computer... got connection somemore =)
(N) why ppl got laptop? and i'm staying at home with my computer ??

everything got their positive and negative sides, it depends on how you wanna think bout it and how you wanna live with it.... it's hard to stay positive all the time cause there's way too MUCH temptations around us... attractions... made our "wanting feeling" even stronger... i dunno la... i'm so two-sided now.... P + N = pure neutral... sometimes positive, sometimes negative.. sob sob... hehe... lolz ?

i hate my life and i like my life.... i hate the way it is, but i like the way it's passing by... i hate what's going on, but i like it in some other way... life is just so mysterious... happy sad.... going up and down... and.... you won't know what's going to happen next... always expect the unexpected... =P

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

i'm so sad....

suddenly i'm feeling so sad... thinking of what the others said... and i notice something... there's actually nothing bout me in others' life?? what i always hear is eh, you look like who who, you sounds like who who... is there anything belongs to me?? i've been following what other ppl do, saying what other ppl say... is there anything come out from me? i feel like... i'm like a puppet, a doll... i'm so fake and so not real...

ahh... what a (<{}{":(^%%$(_<)(>_)$$^&%@#)(@*#>)@$&%@$& night

Monday, September 28, 2009

Because i love you

I got your letter from postman just the other day
So I decided to write you this song
Just to let you know
Exactly the way i feel
To let you know my love is for real

Because I love you
I'll do anything
I'll give you my heart, my everything
Because I love you
I´ll be right by your side
To be your light, to be your guide

If you should feel that I don´t really care
And that you're starting to loose ground
Just let me reassure you
That you can count on me
And that I'll always be around

Because I love you
My heart is an open door
Girl, won't you please come on in
Because I love you
I´ll be right by your side
To be your light, to be your guide

If you should feel that I don´t really care
And that you're starting to loose ground
Just let me reassure you
That you can count on me
And I will always be around

Because I love you
My heart is an open door
Girl, won't you please come on in
Because I love you
I´ll be right by your side
To be your light, to be your guide

Monday, September 21, 2009

developing a good habit or self hypnotise ??

hmm, actually... i'm trying to help everyone to develop a good habit... but... it seems like it's a kind of self hypnosis also... haha....

basically... the point i wanna touch is... nowadays... many teenagers are going to the bad side?? >.< ok, you see... now, many teenagers, when they're doing any housework/house chores, they somehow think that they're not supposed to do those stuff, those stuff suppose to be done by maids or some other ppl... when they're doing it, they always question themselves, why am i doing this?? or tell themselves that they're not supposed to be there doing such thing or something like that... alright... this is a way i'm gonna teach you ppl...

try to develop a good stuff into yourself =) you might think i'm stupid, or just being too kind... but one day, you'll see the effect =)

example 1 : washing dishes
oh well, i guess this is the 2nd most hating part of all? haha... some ppl always think that washing dishes should be done by the maid or the last person who leaves the dining table? what i wanna say is... no matter you're number what of the person who leaves the table, you're responsibled to wash part of the dishes... if you're not washing all, at least wash your own tableware? and... instead of asking yourself why you should do that, you should tell yourself that you're part of the family and you're actually doing something to lessen the others' burden...

oh ya, and there's something i learnt from camp, or rather what i applied in camp... for ppl who went in ns, you should know that after every meal you have to wash your own cup/plate/bowl and etc... and ya, there's always some useless nuts who leave their stuff in the sink without washing them... this is the part you should think positively... i always wash those stuff, the thing running in my mind wasn't something like " if i washed these, then the jurulatih won't punish us " but something like " if i washed these, i'm actually helping some other ppl indirectly, maybe... someday there'll be someone helping me without me noticing it " and this is the part where majority thinks i'm stupid... haha... out of 16 person, only 3 person somehow amazed by me and start practising what i'm doing all the time... the rest think the 4 of us are nuts... lolz

example 2 : cleaning your own room
aww, this is the most angry thing ever... why on earth there's somebody don't want to clean their own room? if you're cleaning your own room from time to time, you're actually developing something good and for your own health too... without all the dust and germs in the air... and there's so many teenagers letting the maid/parents to clean their room? gosh... think with your brain la... ya, i know you're rich... what also got maid, but what if one day you suddenly bankrupt or somehow your house burnt down/got robbed or something bad happened?? when that happens, you'll have to clean up some mess, i believe many ppl still dunno how to rearrange a room... and ya, i just don't know how many/much kids/teenagers outside didn't realise how lucky they're because of what kind of family they're borned with...

example 3 : doing a small favor of your parents
ya ya ya, teenagers nowadays have their own world, their computers, their games and their girl/boy friends... but... sometimes you still have to know that your parents are sponsoring you or so call giving you pocket money " no offence to those who worked for themselves now " but i'm just taking the majority... do you feel annoyed when your dad ask you to take newspaper? or your mom ask you to take a knife for her to cut fruits? or just a cup of water/coffee ?? i bet sometimes you do feel annoying when your parents keep repeating your names in the air... but... try to think from their perspectives, they're just asking a small favor... can't you stop your computer games, smsing with your bf/gf, or the call you're making, or maybe the assignments you're rushing with?? imagine one day, WHAT IF they're gone... who else left for you to complete their favor?? respect and help them while you can =)

ahh, dunno why... these few days... really angry with what the majority teenagers are... so thoughtless... haiz... and i'm sad that i'm half of those? i mean i'm part of those but not fully someone who is useless... lolz...

no matter what you're doing for the others, you're actually developing something good... never question yourself with "why am i doing this/why should i do this" but tell yourself that you're helping the others by just doing a small favor... even washing a mountain of plates won't take you more than 2 hours... or cleaning the house... the max will take is half of a day... which you can do it during weekends or your holiday... ya ya .. maybe you're thinking... " i studied like mad, so hard for me to get holiday, i should be outside with my friends hanging out instead of doing house chores/work at home " nah~ you have plenty of time when you finished your studies... trust me... the chances of doing house chores are lesser than hanging out with your friends =)

oops, it's kinda a long post here... i guess i shall stop my anger and stop blogging by now... haha... enjoy and wait for the next post =P

Thursday, September 17, 2009

i think......

hmm, almost everyone say 3rd batch is the worst?? hehe... but i think it's the best... although like it wasted a year of your life... but, it gave you a unforgetable experience/memory for the rest of your life... for 1st batch and 2nd batch, the amount of trainees still quite a lot... as for 3rd batches, many of them already start studying... that's why the number of trainees is lesser compare to 1st and 2nd...

advantage of 3rd batch
- you get to try almost everything?? because 1st and 2nd have many trainees and they have to finish everything according to the schedule, so i guess many of you dun get to play something in your camp right?? and because of h1n1, i know... many activities canceled, but... you're still enjoying in your camp right?? without really worrying bout h1n1
- you know almost everyone in camp?? where you can make friends easily...
- actually a lot, but so far i can think of this 2 only... hmm...

overall it's super enjoying la.. hehe !!

Friday, September 11, 2009

国民服务

三个月,一眨眼就过了~

在这三个月里,学会了许多东西,对感情事也有新一面的看法。 学会了紧握在手中,也学会了放开~ 学会了如何去处理自己的情绪~ 不仅如此,在营里,也认识了一班朋友。 每一位都有他们自己的特色。 每一天都过得好精彩~ 真的有种不想回家的感觉, 哈哈~

太久没用中文了, 真的不懂该如何去表达自己的感受~

得空再update吧! =)

Thursday, September 10, 2009

hello ~

lolz, once upon a time ~

dunno how long ago, but it's very long ago, long until i couldn't remember how long was it ago, my last post....

haha... ok, just trying to be lame cause so long never lame d... in camp, i'm just being childish... haha!! so no one have to see my emo side or like my serious face... i never really wanted those new met friends to see the so call "bad side" of mine... if i remained the same, i guess i'll end up friendless? haha... sometimes i just have that kind of fear.. fear of friendless.... the feeling of loneliness... just so hate being alone.... ok ok, stop that for now...

hmm, bout ns... it's really fun... 1 thing i dun really like is their schedule... much time wasted there... and we, trainees... too much time for us to rest... haha... i thought of like... use up the time to the maximum, but... just too much time to rest... at least we can talk with friends during those time... or else, really wasted blindly.... haha... really dunno what else to say ler, like before this so many ppl story bout ns...

i'll post some pics of my camp in the next post bah =)

Thursday, June 11, 2009

finally ~

finally, i get to blog bout sg trip, lolz... after i came back from sg, my house connection somehow down... lolz...

bout this trip, i think i learn more than i shop/see leng lui there/relax and enjoy it as a vacation... firstly, we talked a lot bout life experiences and human attitude... which we can hardly see with our naked eyes, unless you faced it.... secondly, there's nothing to shop for ppl like me !! everything is over budget, haha... maybe a lil later after i really worked, then only shop there lor, thirdly, no leng lui to see at all !! walao.... is it my taste really that high meh?? forthly, it's not i'm not enjoying the trip, but i'm having hiccup for the first 2 days, sore throat, coughing, flue, headache for the whole 5 days... walao !!

day 1 - arrived sg at 11pm+, tried to take cab at bus stop, failed cause they have their taxi stand... they hardly pick up ppl from road side... reach home at 1am+ tried some sg food, which i have no comment !! haha... end of day 1

day 2 - had our breakfast nearby, 2sgd only, damm cheap... went sentosa island... the beach was ok~ the ppl there, age 10~13 very cute and funny, 14~18 very rude and rough, 19~28 nicest, friendly, quite good looking and stuff, 29 and above, if they're still there, they're beach lovers... haha !! at the beach, i felt the water flowing, wind blowing's feeling, it's so damm relaxing, just that i'm lacking of stars glowing... or else, it's the perfect relaxing spot....after that, went for a small speech for around 3 hours and 40 minutes.... learnt something bout life experiences also, our view towards our life our career, and lots more

day 3 - woke up very late... went out late and shop around, then met up with some new friends, name priscilla and wei xuan... they're really nice... in fact, they're the most friendly stranger i met... haha, now of course we're friends already.... after chit chatting at kfc, we went clark quay... had our dinner there, the food there is nice... the price there also very nice !! haha... but it's nice anyway... haha !! day 3 ended

day 4 - this is a unforgetable day for everyone !! haha, our brunch is at samy's, an indian restaurant that serves best indian food in sg?? the food was really really nice but they're hot burning spicy food.... haha.... boon and san seng... ehem !! cannot tahan.... after that we went orchard road and walk around.... around 6 or 7 pm, we headed to night safari... hehe... watched a sabah performance.... damm cool... but we missed the animal performance of night safari... nvm, we'll visit again some day some other time... haha...

day 5 - going back day... wake up > eat > shop a while > bus stop... that's all... HAHA

end of the trip, i've learnt so much.... haha

most important lesson i've learnt :

you don't have to see the whole stairway, you just have to take your first step in

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

my birthday??

i'm glad that it felt like a birthday this year... enjoyed a lot =) but you'll never see me cry of touching... HAHA !!

had a weird week... i felt like i'm tested??

suddenly appear this feeling, i thought *she* like me
suddenly *he* came and criticize me like i'm some kind of rubbish
suddenly we argued, after i off com, straight cannot connect
3 days without connection, i went through my com, i read back those messages, i've realised, noticed
after everything was like finished?? my com is back to normal??

it seems to be so weird... it's like everything seriously happen for a reason....
i was tested how loyal i am
i was tested how faithful i am towards her
i was tested to realise my mistakes
i was tested to learn how to fix my mistakes

after everything were tested, my life is back to normal ??
it seems like nothing happens although so much happened
am i really tested?? that's only for god to know...
but i'm glad, it has a good ending =) yet another starting...

my thoughts... once again...

Friday, May 29, 2009

addidas warehouse sales

Addidas warehouse sales... 29th 30th 31st at Atria 2nd floor, damansara jaya

its business hour is 10am~8pm...but today morning around 8am got ppl camping outside the mall already... and guess what... the field got like 20% empty after 10 minutes or so.... everything is grabbing the shoes, shirt and everything like crazy... they like dun even care for their money or what so ever... i saw ppl buy like rm2000, and the maximum price of an item is only rm120... can you imagine what he bought?? and he bought like dunno how many caps and socks which cost only rm5 per item... cool huh?? sorry to say, if you're going later or this weekend, nothing much left there?? but you can still pay a visit there lar, maybe your taste is different with other ppl then you can get an item of two for yourself lor... haha...

Thursday, May 28, 2009

most godly dream i ever had...

i dreamt bout 7 deadly sins....

- Extravagance
- Gluttony
- Envy
- Greed
- Acedia
- Wrath
- Pride

7 of these, standing right in front of me... it somehow shows that i'm having 7 of them within me... and, i'm not fighting them... they're fighting by my side with something else... scary...

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

count down ~ haha

101 days after today, you'll see me back to SM !!! semenanjung malaysia ~

20 days til ns camp at sabah
81 days at there =)

i will miss whoever i possibly remember during the camp !! LOLZ

jokingz, you guys should know my memory power... =P

hope i can really enjoy the camp without
- lovesick
- homesick
- gamesick
- friendsick
- phonesick and
- facebooksick

haha... hopefully no one will forget who i am after camp ler =P

Sunday, May 24, 2009

lyrics again =P translated from japanese

part I
and stain this red sky.
just walk through the coming times with your own body.

people that walk by you and things that get lost in the mess are all memories that will disappear.
violently shaking strength...
transiently wavering weakness...
after all, they'll come to the same end.

such a day melts the red mist,
as the sun rises, the world is stained in crimson.
draw a line as the wind blows you,
tips of hair flowing like water spear the enemy.
forsaken loves and dreams that well up
all i have to do at this moment is to complete the mission with these hands.

and stain this red sky.
just walk through the coming times with your own body.

people that walk by you and things that get lost in the mess are all memories that will disappear.
violently shaking strength...
transiently wavering weakness...
after all, they'll come to the same end.

such a day melts the red mist,
as the sun rises, start coming now,
why do i feel loss and hesitation in my pounding heart?
hurry and break this pain hurtfully dancing in my heart.

the scorched clouds that stain the sky are burnt by the secret wish kept within.
tears fill my hesitant eyes, but i change them into tomorrow's strength.
i've given up everything and have fallen to the ground, where i slay all evil with one sword.
i'll always let the light inside my heart shine,
until i complete the mission with my own body.

partII
choose the moment we share with a throbbing heart...
move forward to the end of time.
i said the phrase "see you tomorrow" ever so quietly.
like the sun shining down on and fighting against everything.
it'd be the agonizing smile filled with existence
if there is one thing to be protected, it'd be your future.

in an instant, choosing this world where it shakes and roars,
i fly through the land of fate...
secretly hiding the flame that lit inside my heart
sharing now and tomorrow with you.

part III
close your eyes, your beating heart is struggling in the fog.
searching aimlessly for where it belongs, all through the day.
there aren't any worlds without pain.
i just want touch it, just want to safeguard it.
i look into the red-stained sunset.

i discovered a new side of me in this meeting.
so, let's start a new day.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

am i convincing?? haha

I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

No man or woman is worth your tears, & the one who is, won't make you cry.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand & touches your heart.

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can' t have them

Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

Don't waste your time on someone, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting & just be more careful about who you trust next time around..

Make yourself a better person & know who you are before you try & know someone else & expect them to know you.

Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

Friday, May 22, 2009

translated lyrics from a mandarin-korean song

release my most mysterious waiting,
stars are dropping, and the wind is blowing,
finally i held you in my heart once again,
our hearts are shaking,
but trust my unchangable truthful heart,
thousand years of waiting, you had my promise,
no matter how many winter we've been through, i will hold your hands.

every night, my heart is hurting through and through
but my thoughts of you has no ending,
i'm already used to lonely life,
but i still face it with the smile you taught,
trust me, what we can do is waiting,
no matter how hard life is, i'll never avoid again
only your gentleness will warm my coldest end.

let love become the only flower in our hearts,
love will go through universe,
never sigh and never give up on this beautiful dream.

love is the only immortal beautiful mystery in my heart.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

20th May

another day started like how other days were passed...

3rd attempt walking from blitzone to kelana lrt... this time used 38 minutes... i wonder why... everytime i walk sure got pass by her place... it isn't a passing by road or a shorter road to take... maybe i'm missing her too much and just wanted to check out? haiz... i still pass by even though i know she's not home... now like every girl i see also look like her, i guess i'm seriously missing her too much... just nice 70 days i din see her already... i must last it !! i mean not to last the "din see days" but to last my feelings... til no end cause it was an endless love... lolz...

watched " i love you, man " today at midvalley... that movie ok ok lar.... maybe parts of it i dun understand and i din laugh at certain parts.... ok, end....

after that go ou, supposingly to go out at 8 something but end up 10 something... haha... between that 8~10, i see ppl play pool and bowling at that ou place... seeing those couples play pool... so funny... some girls can't even hit the ball properly.... some guys, they're not really good, but wanted to show to their gf... hehe !! i'm not good either, that's why i'm still seeing how ppl play and improve myself... sometimes i do consult for advices or techniques though... haha.... dunno i got that kind of luck to play with my future gf or not... as pool is 1 of my favourite game... and most probably i'm getting a pool table at home gua... when i'm rich enough lar... cause it's just an entertainment, it's not a need in the list... =) other things come first =)

after that 10 something, me, chun ming, boon, becca, san seng end up in ming tien eating desserts or rather small dishes to have a lil talk and some yum cha session... haha... 1 thing, i think i'm insane... just now when san seng speeding.... becca was sitting beside me... i shouted : gosh~ manda you dun hav seatbelt !! i was like paused.... oops.... that's becca not manda... omg... everyone was like... ehem... maybe i'm missing her too much lor, that's what i said in the beginning... lolz... now i wish the time can pass faster, so i could go ns and relax my mind *i hope so* cause... i'm seriously thinking too much staying at home like this.... gosh... i even thought of the perfect present which combined sincerity, love, money, creativity, and shop... dunno lar, it'll be a surprise anyway... no one gonna knows what is it !! dun try to "seduce" me saying it out... HAHA

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

what you know bout L I E ??

i meant the cheating kind of lie.... not lie on the floor or bed or table or whatever

definition :
- a false statement deliberately presented as being true; a falsehood
- something meant to deceive or give a wrong impression
- to present false information with the intention of deceiving
- to convey a false image or impression
- to cause to be in a specific condition or affect in a specific way by telling falsehoods

yup, lie is something as stated above... sometimes we think it's good to lie because we dun wan someone to be hurt? but in the end, they will hurt even more... so what can we do?? honest all the time?? that's not the way also... because no matter how honest are you, your words will be doubted... trust me... i've faced that... eventhough you're saying the truth, but there's no one believe in you... how sad was that huh?? but i've learnt... was given a lesson bout lie...

you know... what i used to be?? who i used to be?? ppl who know my past... you should know how i used to be... my life was dark~ i used to lie every single day... almost bout every single happening... but as the time passes... i've learnt to be honest... no matter how hard was it... i'm just gonna be honest... although it might hurt somebody... but in the end, i'm just gonna make sure i cared for them... eventhough it looks like i've hurt them by saying the truth... but i really cared for them... i dun wan them to feel like i can't be truthful to them... honesty might make you feel stupid, but in the end, you'll feel glad that you never lied...

every lie has a flaw... it will be revealed someday... the more you lie, the harder your determination... because when you lie, you forgot bout some of the details... example, 20th april 2009, you went out with a girl name laura, but you told your girl friend it was a guy name john or something... then like 1 day, she ask you again... you said it's lara or something... no matter how hard you try to remember every single lie of yours... you'll fail yourself someday.... you can't remember what/who/how was that day unless you really said the truth... our mentality is something beyond universe... you won't know how powerful it is because it can't even prove by scientist...

to me, i'm trying my hardest to reduce my lies... i know how stupid i was... i'm trying to change it... somehow... i've changed a lot... comparing myself now with the ME 4 or 5 years ago... maybe everything was fated... i was meant to learn things this way... i'm strongly believing that everything happens for a reason...

how ??

How you see yourself:

You don't really care about school or grades. Rules apply to you, but you don't seem to take them seriously. You are very laid-back and outgoing, so you are easy to like. You can be funny when you want to be, but being serious about things can occasionally be an issue.

How others see you:

Others see you as the slacker. Whether they know it for a fact or not, they may think of you as the "bad kid" who hangs with the "bad crowd." They generally like you, however, because they wish they could have a stress-free life like you.

Who you are:

You have the potential to be great. You are very intelligent, but you don't try because you don't see the point or because you have better things to do. You find it difficult to take studying seriously or to work for long periods of time. You don't feel that others have much faith in your abilities, so you laze around because you don't have faith in yourself. You will, however, be a stress-free person, and that will make you happier than most.

steady?

wah, steady ah !! some say ler some say lar, but uncle phua say

Steady people desire to keep their environment from changing. They have a consistent work performance. They accommodate others. They get along well with others because they are flexible in their attitude. They may not say anything if they disagree just to keep peace, however they seem to find a way to get what they want. They are moderate and controlled. They are modest. They like to help others, make good counselors and are great listeners. They can speak on an intellectual level and prefer quiet discussions with one or two people. They build close relationships with a small group of friends. They like to maintain familiar and predictable patterns. They are consistent in accomplishing work. If they receive appreciation, they maintain a high level of performance. They may need help when starting a new project. They like to feel comfortable with anything new before actually starting it. They enjoy something in writing so they can refer to it. They ask, they don't tell. They want answers to their "HOW" and "WHEN" questions.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

another day

16-5-09 weather : rainy

early in the morning, i went dj to collect my P license, yay !! ok.... nothing much.... after that collected my thumbdrive from may jin... i think something is missing, haha... but i think she've did enough lor... just that... i dunno, some i saw but it's not in here.... haha... nvm nvm... after that i walk to kj from dj blitz again !! last time i walk 48 minutes, now 35 minutes !! maybe i was happy cause of the thumbdrive and license in my pocket ! haha

took lrt to kl central, oops... wrong one... i went there walked around... gosh... where the heck am i !! ahah... then take once again to klcc... ohh~ this is the right place... haha... i walked from suria klcc to pav, pav to sungei wang, wanted to go times square but my leg really tired d, so... sungei wang back to pav, pav to suria klcc...

pav > sungei wang = meet shu xian
sungei wang > pav = meet my cousin
inside pav 2nd time = meet shu xian again but this time she din see me cause i avoided... dunno what to say mar... haha
pav > suria klcc = meet king yang when i going to buy ticket home ~

after that joined king yang to the IBE, international beauty expo... to find cindy and sunny... but it was too boring, me and king yang went BK to drink.... drink drink talk talk drink drink... 90 minutes passed... finally cindy and sunny came to meet us... then drink drink talk talk eat eat drink drink talk talk... another 90 minutes passed... planned to go movie but end up cancel... omg!! inside lrt, we're crazy mann~ shouting like no one else business.... from mid lrt ran to the other end of the lrt... then act insanely and took some pictures.... i never felt this crazy before.. LOL ~

after that, went ming tien find jen liz and pei chien... apple juice again !! haha.... and ate some fried mushrooms... then go senti/centi/sandy/sendi park play basketball... haha... we met a 65 years old's uncle.... if we weren't there, he would've played alone... hehe... i think he miss the times where he's able to play with his children, he keep passing the ball to us... his children all left him alone here... 2 migrated to australia and bought house there also.... another one staying at singapore... all also very successful... i was wondering is he happy... cause he was left here... after playing ball, went syed abu aka jelutong yum cha... then back to the park again to meet up lee ping, cheau wei, cheow yuen and poh yee... play play talk talk there for quite some time until kian boon come... gosh, nearly lose my first kiss there... all play til so crazy.. haha...

that's bout the day bah.... nothing else... just that i spent almost 20 hours after i'm awake...
________________________________________________

Thursday, May 14, 2009

10 bucks for 2 hours of thoughts??

i'm really so damm useless de lor.... haiz...
i really wish i can know what is she feeling, thinking and doing...
i really wish i can think bout what happen trying to put myself in her shoes, not to think bout it in my own ways...

2 hours.... i thought it through and through...
i've got positive answers and negative answers....
i guess you also know how hard is it when someone dun reply your message but replied someone else's message in front of you right? it's kinda heart breaking, eventhough it's just some educational messages, but really affect mental thinking for a while de lo... i believe every man will react the same... but... i thought it the other way lar... i read back what i sent also lar... maybe it's my fault lor... and i was actually wishing for some simple only !! just a message to let me know... everything's fine... nvm lar, i can't force right?? am i that heavenly ?? how much pain i could actually take in?? haiz....

i always feel i'm not good enough for her... dunno lar... haiz.... sometimes i even think that i've gave her pressure in some ways... i dunno my way of concern, my way of caring... is it something pressuring... i really dunno what i can do, i really wish there's something i can do.... after worrying the whole night... finally i've got an answer... i even held my phone in my hand when i fell asleep last night.... the last message i received was 126am, the last i sent was 148am... and the last time i saw before falling asleep was 314am... i held my phone every single second just in case that she would reply me anytime... until i'm really tired and i fell asleep with the phone on my hand...

everyday, i'm just thinking and thinking and thinking..... have i ever made any moves? any actions?? i'm just always saying it with my mouth.... you know.... sometimes i really feel that i'm nothing at all... i thought of suiciding once... not because of her lar, but i noticed like no one realised that i'm actually exist or something... and somehow, i found my way to live on... the only reason i'm living it's because i wanna give a chance for someone to love me, and give a chance to myself to truely love someone... the word loyalty, it's not just a word... it can be considered as a big commitment... i always thought through also... why human have to do something to continue surviving?? why am i human?? somehow, i found the answer... when someone work hard to earn money, when someone working hard on someone else... WE, ALL HUMAN are surviving for our LOVE ONES... that's what i'm thinking now, eventhough i dun think my age is suitable for this kind of thinking... but... i guess i've made a right choice... we can't just give up our lives... because we have our love one to protect, our love one to share, our love one to comfort...

ya, maybe you think i'm emo or what... but you can't know what is running through my mind... i can be as simple as a strawman, but i can be as complicated as a high-tech machine with thousands over functions... within that 2 hours... i've thought a lot.... and i have someone beside me to share lots of my thoughts too.... she shared some of hers with me too... hehe... but i... i just dunno lar... been having that kind of idk idc idm way of living... that's why now like so cacat'ed (fyi : idk idc idm means i don't know, i don't care, i don't mind) i really hope i can make up my mind and do something which i feel it's a right thing to start with.... my education? my career? or relationships....

i just wish that, i can understand everyone around me really well, what are they thinking, what they really want.... i hope that my existence can make everyone around me feels that i cared for them... but i'm just too busy to satisfy everyone... that's why, i wished for the least, i could understand what is she thinking, feeling, and what i can do for her, care for her...

REMEMBER : do not give up our life, give yourself a chance to love other ppl, and give other ppl a chance to love you... survive for those who willing to love us, survive for those who you willing to love, never ever give up... that's what every human living for.... A CHANCE

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

was i blinded for a moment??

if i'm going to college, i would've to consider bout my transport and staying also.... and and... but but... i really dunno what to decide now lar !! dammit ! can anyone help me??

form 6?
college?

how nice if there's a free car in front of me right now....
how nice if that free car has a year petrol free....
everything would've solve....

gosh... !!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

A night to remember, another night of thoughts

a small gathering of us was held on 8th may, 8pm~11pm at kayu... =) had our chats and dinner there... it's fun sometimes.... when you get to put all your studies away, and chat happily with your friends...

it's a night of thoughts... i'm thinking bout form 6s, ns, college, courses, transport, staying, results, or rather future... it's not a simple choice to make... unless you have your further path already, which no matter how's your result, it won't affects your life... if everything is so easy, i wouldn't have to think so much... you think it's something like

- go form 6 lah.... since you duno what to take
- stay outside only lar... if everyday transport ma fan
- drive only lar... not like you dunno

the main thing is.... if stay outside, the cost of living and burden will be increased... if drive, currently i have no extra car, even if i have, need to consider the petrol, tol, road tax, and my safety.... if everything was perfectly planned, i wouldn't have to think at all... although it's not as complicated as i say, but it's not as simple as what you think... after a deep thought... hmm... i somehow... decided to choose the 2nd option... which is ns first then college or college then ns... form 6 no longer available in the options... know why?? because i've thought it through... lolz...

the reason i'll take form 6 at the beginning was, i'm able to see her everyday? i can go for ns while waiting for stpm? yup, everything was that simple in my simplified mind... after listen to various advices... studying isn't something that really like having fun with friends... so, dun like, oh you go there?? then i go there... oh you wanna take this?? then i take this also lar... hmm... we'll need to make a big decision in our life which might affect our whole life... yes, if i go form 6 i can see her everyday.... but then so?? it doesn't give her any hapiness seeing me everyday, or like... if i'm with her in the same school, her result will improve... i dun hav affections at all !! but, i think it's ok not to be with her in the same school, as long as i know i love her... and that love wouldn't change no matter what... unless 1 of us "gone"... then i think that's the end of my love life... although it's full of friendship love *i suppose* haha, but... a friend wouldn't accompany you til your whole life... it might be like 70% occupied only... where your partner will be living with you... seeing each other everyday, thinking for each other's rights, cared for each other, and stuff...

so, i chose not to take form 6, but it doesn't mean i gave up on her already... i just can't see the point why some ppl happy when i say i might wan to give up on her... somehow they got tested huh? haha.... and i remembered, she asks me to be an accountant, which is already in my list quite at the beginning, but after she said it... i guess i'll have to confirmed it... if you can do something that the person you loved asked you to... it's really satisfying... =) but the most memorable moment, is when you can cook and eat together with your loved one... it happened once in my life... but it never lasted more than 2 hours... but within that an hour and plus, i'm satisfied... to be able to cook together, preparing the ingredients, we have laughters and tears in between cause of the onion... that moment... where i can really smile from deep inside my heart... although there's so many sad moments like genting dec 2008, prom night 13th dec 2008, i dunno lar... sometimes it really hurts me through and through... which make me tears... there's a saying...

an unarmed fighter needed to be 3x stronger than a fighter with weapon
a happy moment have to be 10x better than the sad moments

as long as i treat the moonlight festival night as my superbly happy day of all... any sadness can't "tackle" me.... lolz... those pains she brought, can be replace by that 2 hours of joy of mine at that night... a friend told me, when a man tears, it means he really care.... and... that was my first time crying for a girl... in front of her... the time was 2:28am, 14th december 2008, venue i dun feel like telling... cause no one noticed i cried... they just saw those shining tears flowing in my eyes, they dunno it actually dropped out from my eyes.... 2:28,14/12/2008, the time i cried badly for the girl i loved... i shouldn't remember it right? haiz... that night, i "swallowed" a big cup of apple juice... but yet, no one knows i like apple juice?? haiz...

i heard lcci is quite good and cheap at ktar from my bro, and next day, i heard a friend of mine, su mei is taking lcci at ktar... so i guess it's ok?? but maybe i need to take foundations first?? i dun really know bout the degrees, diploma, certs, procedures, what course is what, what course is how and etc, hmm... i guess i'll have to ask around more... haha...

it's really a deep thought night... i'm even ready for the presents... nvm lar... haha... and today is the 300th day of me and her knowing each other.... such memorable day, i'm only abled to spend with my friends who dunno bout the 300th day.... haha.... but nvm lar, main person wasn't there also... so nvm lor... haha.... gosh.... i'm really self-comforting... nvm... i guess i shall stop, or else no ppl read d.... so damm long post.. hah

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

it's in my playlist =P

the song i hear the most currently daily

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Montues day =)

Monday~

hmm, had my last 2 hours of driving lesson and went the mines today, the one with the "river" in the middle... haha, watched wolverine x-men origin there... what a sad ending... but i somehow felt like i'm someone like wolverine?? a person with an undying body... but me is my heart... no matter what or how... i'll end up loving the same one... =P nvm, that's not the main, the main thing is, logan is a sad lonely wolf wei... he end up forgetting the woman he loved, and forgetting who himself is... if 1 day i really forget bout her... i ain't myself lo.... just like wolverine, the only thing he's living for has gone.... i feel like the " koo koo ah choo ", supposingly kwekuetsu or something like that, i forgot the spelling... HAHA
a lonely wolf that can only see his beloved woman from far distance and never able to touch or hold her again... haha

Tuesday ~

530am, woke up, prepared myself a breakfast ( actually was 2 half boiled eggs and a cup of milo only ), then try my best to arrive dj at 630am... i'm having my driving exam today... so ya, forced to wake up early lo... luckily we arrived there early, had some time for extra practises... hehe... and ya.... it's my lucky day.... my bukit... whoa ~ can say it's totally lucky to pass it... when i let to the handbrake, my car ain't moving either forward or backward... my clutch not enough to go front, my "oil" enough to support from not going back... HAHA then i remember my instructor say, when bukit... let go a bit clutch and add a lil "oil" and repeat the step, so my left leg up and right leg down bit by bit and i end up passing the bukit test~ WOOHOO ~ as for road, i wouldn't pass it without ehem.. haha.... i know my level... so ~ it was a rigt choice !! =P getting my P next week.... YAY !! but while i screaming... hmm.... looked around.... hmm..... THERE'S NO CAR FOR ME TO DRIVE !!! haha

Friday, May 1, 2009

how many times??

how many times am i suppose to wake up because of something like an explosion??

ppl who read my blog always will know that 13th april i woke up because of my house's oven explosion... today! my bro's chair broken !! the spring bounced out and hit some plastic and metals... it sounds like an explosion !! dammit !! always got shock from sleep and wake up furiously... really scares me wei !! aikz aikz

anyone know what phone is good to sms and with camera de?? XD i know the requirement i'm looking is quite common... but please let me know if you have some recommendations... currenlty my phone can store like 50 messages in my inbox only... i'm looking for like 1k~3k storage?? haha... it really piss me off, everyday deleting my inbox message... >.<

Thursday, April 30, 2009

whoa !!

lolz, today, do you think i'm lucky or unlucky leh??

i had my 4 hours driving lesson today.... today drove all the way to ulu langat... in heavy rain and heavy jam... it took me around 90 minutes to reach there... and the view during rain... OMG.. so dangerous for a newbie like me... GOSH !!! but i'm glad... everything was fine... but after the lesson, when i was driving back to dj from ulu langat... GOSH !!! nearly got into an accident... that BLIND GEN 2 !! his damm mirror bang'ed my mirror !! and i'm 0.01 second away from collision mann.... i'm glad that i was safe... that GEN 2 !!! i tell you... walao... it was like facing life and death matter mann.... my speed was 10km/h !!! was facing a serious jam and this stupid GEN 2 cutting here and there, left and right.... GOSH !!! please bless me on my exam day... no more cursing lar !! argh !!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

new quiz added on the right

please leave your score at the comment box =)

thank you =P

a request to update?? haha

hmm, i dun really have anything to update recently... haha... been sleeping really "early" and wake up really "early"... basically... i wake up at 4pm everyday !! haha...

i'll just share a lil of knowledge i gained in the pass few days lar =)

some health tips :
- make sure you have at least 4 hours gap between meals
- do not eat 4 hours before your sleep
- do not drink water 1 hour before your sleep
- do not swallow anti-biotic with soya bean (chemical reaction)
- be happy is the main key to keep your skin healthy(emotional will makes your skin dry up)
- when we sleep, our face will dry up by its own, use some moisturising cream before you sleep... i'm using Hazeline Snow... HAHA
- do not listen songs while you sleep, some songs do help in your sleeping, but when you're listening the songs, your mind still stay conscious when you sleep... so, normally you'll end up sleeping without having any dreams or wake up from sleep and still feel tired

i dun think i'm convincing enough... as myself sleep at 3am~6am til 3pm~5pm.... HAHA... i'm having a super unhealthy life.... can someone train me back to human?? XD

Sunday, April 26, 2009

it's weird again

is everything fated?? or it's just some coincident??
i can't believe what i saw... something bout wolf??
was it a same thought?? or it's just some coincident??
nvm...

today morning, went dim sum...
i din walk pass her house for months...
i couldn't remember when was my last time passing by
24th and 26th, i passed by ~ i felt something weird
but i couldn't figure it out what was it

while having dim sum... i was keep looking around...
it's like... i was having a kind of desire...
a desire to meet you at somewhere nearby...
it's been 87 days since i last saw you...
but, i just duno what i felt lar... while in the area

288th days today

Friday, April 24, 2009

it's so weird today !!

3rd time going midvalley with jason and his gf
2nd time going midvalley with san seng or yue...

today, dunno why am i feeling weird all the time >.< it's like... seeing yue like so down... i feel kinda weird when i failed to cheer her up... maybe i seldom see ppl like that gua, but i really feel weird lo... then inside the cinema... i feel quite uncomfortable for her cause the couple on her right was like... doing something can't be imagined?? haha... i heard weird voices and saw weird moves... haha, and i felt really really bad when i wasn't able to switch place with her... i'm not a really initiative type of person, so i din really like... go ahead and ask her to switch... but i keep feeling weird... it's like i want her to switch but i can't make her to switch?? aiya, i tried but i dun think i've put in all my effort la.. haha

after movie, went pool club... hmm, the price was OKAY ~ rm 15 per hour... and i actually played 2 half'ed game... cause i shot the black ball in... T_T my estimation still not as good as i wanted it to be... i've improved a lot in pooling... but, i still have much more spaces of improvement to be made... pool is 1 of the indoor activity i like... hehe... and i glad i made her laugh for a while... i din really asked her out, but she was asked to come out, and seeing her in that way, i really feel bad lo, like no ppl teman her like that...

that's why i always wish all my friends, like when we all coupled... we all can come out for double/triple/quadruple/quintuple/sextuple dates... then we guys go do guys stuff, and girls go for shopping or what... i really feel bad when like i'm playing games and they're just waiting like that... and today, finally we brought san seng to equine park's wong kok cha chan teng... and the waitress dye'd her hair... she has a better looking when her hair was black... =)

nvm la, just feel weird, very weird feeling today... dunno what was it ler?? haha

first time taking KTM to kepong sentral... yay !!

and then hor, when inside the bus, ss and jason gave their seats to 1 woman and her daughter... and when inside the KTM, a young man gave his seat to a woman... i just feel so weird when i saw them doing so, i thought i would do so too, but i din't... at that moment, i felt i was myself, gosh.... what a bad boy i am.... evil and cold blooded !! must really practise to be good lor... being bad was the OLD ME... dammit... ahhh !! turn me good !!

nvm la, just feel weird, very weird feeling today... dunno what was it ler?? haha (#2)

Thursday, April 23, 2009

haha

i guess i'm just too blind folded for the past few days... even my favourite anime latest episode is out i also forgot to watch.... i'm just too weak huh?? haha... but i noticed it today wo?? not bad hor?? haha... i should say i'm lucky liao lor.... some ppl din even know the feeling of truly loving a person... some ppl din even know the feeling of failure... so, i'm kinda happy lor.. XD

gosh, i suddenly feel i'm so smart, *you ppl sure think, perasannya budak lelaki ni* haha, but yet, i'm super proud of myself today... gosh... hahaha !!! muahahahhaz !!! (note: i'm not crazy) but just really excited i can actually thought of that idea !! dun feel like saying it... it's a brilliant idea !! gosh ~

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

oh, i thought of the way already

hehe, i finally thought of the KEY way~

haha, love is just like wind ~ when it wants to come, you can't block it.... when it wants to leave, you can't stop it... our life is full of obstacles and difficulties... if we never face any sadness or failure, we won't know what is the true happiness... that's what we can do is.... be tough and bare with it.... i can't really remember the whole sentence/paragraph of what the actress said in the movie, but that's enough for me to cheer up =)

i shall not think that much of it already and i should be happy that i faced the failure... ppl always say in chinese mar, failure is the mother of success.. haha... if we never face any failure... we won't grow/improve to be better than now...

so ya, smile ~
thanks to the tv... i found the way.... and thanks to the person who teman me til almost 4am yesterday =) you've open up my mind... thanks for sharing your opinions, glad to meet you, so i guess it was fated to meet you bah =) haha

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

it's easy to say, but it's really hard to do

3rd night/morning i can't sleep after reading the message... i somehow still can't get use to the daily routine i was doing for the past 9 months... but today... at least i have someone to talk to, we actually talked on the phone for 2 hours and 52 minutes... i just feel better after talking... before, i was like keeping everything in my heart, and what i can do was only chat in msn and share it in words... but yesterday, i actually said it out with my mouth... it takes lots of courage to do something you dun even know can you do it or not... like my title, it's easy to say, but it's really hard to do... dun ever comment bout someone too much when you, yourself can't even face it on your own... yar, i know, what i should do after that day, but it's just so hard to do like what you all asked me to do... it isn't as easy as you expect... you'll just know someday when you faced the similiar situation...

after talking on the phone yesterday, i noticed i've been so fake all the time... everytime hang out, i'm not who i really am... i cared a lot bout how ppl look at me, think bout me, or rather comment bout me... that's why i've been a really good person when i'm outside... i actually not that good only de... i admit i swear/curse a lot at home, but outside, you can hardly hear me saying those rude words or vulgar... that's why i feel like... i'm really hiding my trueself just to make more friends... which i think it wasn't a bad thing... but i'm just gonna lost myself more after day by day passes... but i think it's better to stay the way i was doing all this while... my trueself just too ugly... worse than a demon... and actually, i used my friends as a tool to seal the demon in my heart... i think it's not a wrong way to do so right?

and you know... it's really really damm hard to find someone who has so "much" of similiarities with you of the opposite gender... it's just so fake until like it was fated... yesterday i actually thought of this, fate and fake only 1 alphabet different... fate looks fake all the time... most of the time you just can't believe what you're seeing... but that's your fate to see it, know it or feel it, no matter how fake it was... and fate actually has its date.... which also 1 alphabet different only... the fate was planned in various dates... that's why sometimes it looks like a chain reaction?? things just happen 1 after another... nevermind lar, i shall not analyse too much... later i'm gonna be like some insane ppl who was locked in some kind of room with all the chains...

i'm glad that you ppl were by my side whenever i need you ppl...
but for some ppl, i really dun like when you say things like it's so easy to make it... it's not as easy as you sees it... i know it's not hard either, as long as i have the will, i can do it... but seriously... i'm really serious on her... i din even notice i actually did that much for her... but i always think it's not enough...

ppl, i'll just take my time slowly and give a lil fate lo... dun rush me to forget bout her bah... it's painful... it's a painful experience !!

Monday, April 20, 2009

it's 5am again

haiz... do i deserve this?? do i really have to become like this?? please save me lar !! it's the 2nd day i can't sleep til 5am... and it's the 2nd day after i saw that message... is it really hard to forget someone?? maybe i just accepted too many advices... work hard you'll see the changes, hope can be created by yourself lar, and... aiya !! just too many opinions was given to me lar... i'm so lost... everyone say, forget her lar... move on lar... if that's so easy.... i would've be someone cold blooded?? i duno lar, it's just so hard to control this feeling thinge of mine...

the past 2 days... i thought back what i've been through.... can it be a dream?? could it be just a dream to me?? but sad to say, even if it's a dream... i remembered it so clearly... every scene, every sentence said and every emotions i had... and every moment that i treasured... i also duno why i always regret something after i've lost it... i seriously duno how to appreciate those chances and those days i had... it's just so hard to imagine why am i so weak... what was i thinking when i have those chances.... what was i doing when i have those days... gosh... to think back... i'm seriously 100% retarded as the quiz stated...

i couldn't even accept a fact that's already happened... what else could i say bout myself??

i ain't myself anymore...

Sunday, April 19, 2009

today and yesterday ??

when i wake up today, i somehow felt my life has changed... it's not as bright as it used to be... everyone asked me to move on... but i guess, i've put in too much parking fee, i just have to stop for a lil while longer... it's hard to change everything in a sudden... and i'm seriously totally lazy to change everything... if i would've give up... idk what will it be... haha, maybe i shouldn't put in so much at the beginning... 终于明白了希望越大, 失望越大的道理。

yar, i felt the emptiness, the loneliness... i even stay up til 5am yesterday... for thinking what happened in my room for the past 9 months... it changed a lot... and there's just too much joy to gain from it... home is still the safest place... if i try to compare... my heart was broken 5 times outside the house, but only once at home... it's just so hard to accept the fact right?

friend A : why you have to make it 1?? open up your options and be fair to other girls.... we're still young...
friend B : you have to give up lar... no point staying the same
friend C : i'm sorry, i duno what to say... you must be very sad
friend D : dun lar so emo, there are still plenty outside...
friend E : gosh, finally... you're free now... i'm glad she did that...

do i really have to give up?? i'm really confused... it's like i got hint'ed or something... (but to give up or not, it's still depends on me) 但是,这并不表示我一定会放弃。 she's right... life's always unfair... but still... what happen in the future we won't know, we just gonna work for it... really wish i could pick up my mood soon... it shall not stay for long !!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

418

what a day to remember

i'm just gonna stay the same...

Thursday, April 16, 2009

love course?

yup yup, there was a girl and a guy.... wonder why college din provide love course...

there's this man said :
- love isn't something you can learn from class...
- love is something you need to feel it with your heart
- love is like an experience... it cannot be seen... but you can learn from it...
- love isn't all bout kisses, hugs, and making love
- love is something you really felt it with your heart and it's undescribable and unexplainable
- why you love her? why you love him? you never know
- why love is suffering? actually it's not... it depends on how you view it and how you feel it
- but love can be beautiful at times, and ugly at times... it can make you feels good, but bad at some times
- you must know your feelings right... make sure you're not blinded although love is blind
- you can see no path in front of you when you're in love, that's why you need to create one by your own
- we won't know what will happen in the future, what we can do is work for it
- sometimes, you have to expect the unexpected happenings

everything happen for a reason, every person you meet, they'll give you a lesson, every different person has their own personalities, to show you the different lessons that you might learn... everyone that appears in your life for a reason, some are meant to betray, some are meant to be with you, some are meant to be there for you, some are meant to leave you, there are plenty of possibilities... but what you have to do is... feel it with your heart... who is your friends, and who will not be your friends.... feel it...

it's not an emo post, it's just some lessons i got from watching few shows... of course... some sentences are added from my thoughts or my smses... =P

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

deep thinker??

You think deeply about things going on in the present, past, and sometimes even future. You often drift off during work or class and start thinking about other things. You always hide what your thoughts from your friends and it often takes a poke or a snap of the fingers to bring you back to reality. Your eyes often portray a different personality than you are. Your eyes are a different part of your soul.

Your mind is like The Deep Ocean. You are always active, but arent easy to get to know. Once people do, they see a clever but relaxed person. Many people look up to you, you're a hard worker, dont waste time and are loyal to those close to you.

When your friends have problems, they can turn to you. When one of the girls' shirt gets torn, you can stitch it back together. When one of the guys asks you for a solution to their problems, you have the answer. Your own life may not always be smooth sailing, but you definitely know how to ride the waves.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

lolz... am i addicted??

let me tell you... I'M NOT DAMM FREAKING ADDICTED TO THE DAMM DOTA !!!

i'm just being nice and play with my friends... =) i dun even touch the stupid icon of GARENA when i'm home alone...

first attempt to quit - 19 days...
second attempt - 5 days...

but... it's all because of i wanted to teman my friend... =) seriously...

the top 3 things in my life....

1st - family
2nd- her
3rd - friends

=) and myself gonna be last of everything =) dammit =P

Monday, April 13, 2009

dream #2 and #3

lolz, had a shocking dream again last night...

actually i had 2 dreams last night.... both also very shocking....

first dream, was the shorter one... it started me and my buddies, having a yam cha session at taman megah ?? weird though.... it's a corner kopitiam.... suddenly... there's this robber came out from nowhere... and grabbed my presents... i got 2 presents that time... he asked me to choose one, as he will take the other one... i chose the necklace... then he took my glass bottle.... but i can't afford to lose both... so i fight with him to get back my glass bottle... suddenly... a gun shot was released... my glass bottle burst and all the papers inside flew out... the robber ran away, and it started to rain heavily... all the messaged papers were flowing into the drain... then she suddenly came out from nowhere to read all the messages... haha, in my dream... i only get to read 1 of those messages... which is : take care of yourself when i'm off to NS... lolz.... this dream ended with a hug in the rain... my dreams are getting weirder XD

as for the second dream, i got invited to a party at a condominium.... the condo got 50 floors, but my friend's party at 9th floor... i actually arrived the car park with kar how and andrea... then we meet up jason at the car park too... half way... we met lee ping, sook teng and moy lien... then i talked to them for a while and jason, kar how and andrea left me behind by going up to the party first... then i went to take the lift... i feel extremely weird cause the lift can go up to 8th floor only... nvm lor, without hesitation... i just got out from 8th floor lo... then i saw the stairs that i could use to go upstairs... who knows... once i go up is 10th floor d... then i go down to reconfirm... and it's 8th floor !! the 9th floor is missing !! then i keep going up and down... it's still 10th and 8th... suddenly... rachel appeared... she somehow lead me to the 9th floor and reach the party house d... =.=" saw jason, kar how and andrea was chatting with choo, lim, may jin they all d... then she laughed and say : told you it's hard to find... lolz, then when i was about to ask how jason they all come to 9th floor... an explosion occured in my house... as in real life... not dream... gosh... luckily din wake up earlier...

Sunday, April 12, 2009

lolz... a common thing i noticed

was it really coincident?? or maybe that's just what i'm good with

UPSR - 4A
PMR - 3A
SPM - 3A

all those As, i know it's few... but just wanna say that... for all 3 tests... got A for english, math and science =) must use for future !! 3 subjects =P

Friday, April 10, 2009

what a tired day ~

woke up quite late... around 1130am today... friend called and asked me to teman him to sri kembangan... hehe...

went to the wong kok of equine park again... =) lucky today she din off.... can see her again =)
looking at her is something tiring though... haha... when you look at her, within 2 seconds, she'll look back... eye to eye contact... and that's the time i always move my eye sight away... haha... i did like that 10 times in less than a minute?? looking at her is like something irresistable... haha... but seriously... which guy wouldn't look at pretty girls?? and plus, i'm single somemore... nah~ i really wish i could talk to her de... but... just dun wan lar... hehe... although she's pretty... there's someone prettier in my heart =P

the eye to eye contact she gave... whoa ~ heavenly feeling wei... not to say i perasan... but she's keep giving that kind of eye sight =P but... i dun really know her and i prefer someone who can really know me well =) from what i look at her, she's kinda, erm.... i think she that kind of cool type... i duno her name, but if you wanna meet her, go sri kembangan, equine park's wong kok char chan teng lar =) and i'm kinda worried to be in a relationship... i always worried that i can't be a good bf, good husband or good father... lolz... shouldn't think so far... but almost thought of every possibilities d... haiz...

( forgot when i posted it for the first time ) addition : there's a minute, she looked into my eyes, and sing 情歌王-古巨基 with me... haha... i was looking into her eyes and sang along with her... after that she smiled and turn away.. XD

eye contacts are tiring !! haha.... my eyes are really tired... it's like been into a war... haha... first time having more than 20 eye contacts in a day.... haha... oops...

i wonder

i wonder how the quiz creator so good.... are they all taking human studies?? haha

this quiz result is exactly what i thought in mind

You like your kisses to be soft delicate expressions of emotion. Your partner should be someone respectful and sensitive, who moves at your pace. You value connectedness over sexuality, intimacy over creativity, and you see kissing as a small but special part of a relationship. To you, kissing doesn’t need to be a precursor to anything else, nor does it need to be an overtly sexual act. It can exist simply and wonderfully by itself.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

i'll be a workoholic in the future !! haha

You'd dedicate your life to help your friends/family/close ones, despite the obstacles you go trough. You work intensively to bring joy and happiness around you - your family or clients. Your friends love you and trust you. You have established a good name among them and earn a fair amount of respect.

you love or you hate?

too many hints...
haiz.....


love deeper, hatred stronger... but the more you hate, the lesser you love
the more you love, the more you hate... that's why i'm not hated by anyone... cause no one loved me before =P when you hate someone you've loved, that shows you're still loving him/her

when you let go. it means let go....
sometimes why you dun hate that person?? because you never cared =)

i wish the hatred will never exist

dream

i never had a dream come true, but last night's dream.... was one that i really wish it could be true... i never had such a happy dream before... it's the sweetest of the sweetest dreams... although there's some scary part of it... but we faced it together... i duno why but this dream seems so true to me... i can feel it when i held her hand... and we even had a fun argue... she was saying my hand is small, but her hand smaller and stuff... i din expect to have such a dream... it's almost wonderful and i wish i could never wake up... but at the almost end of dream.... i noticed all that wasn't true... and i chose to wake up from my sleep cause i've already slept for 12 hours...

starting of the dream, i was having a dinner with meranti and jati friends... and surprisingly, there's no merbau ppl there... haha... after dinner, she went washroom... then everyone started to talk lor... suddenly i got angry and i fight with jinn yeung.... haha... duno why is he involved also... nvm lo, fight fight fight... then she ask me to stop fighting as she dun wan me to get hurt cause jinn yeung has a coloured belt =P then while walking back to her house... we started to hold hands, and i can feel the warmth that's between both of us... it was late night already.... so she sneak in her house through the back door and ask me to go in from the front door.... so i run and run and run... while i was running towards the front door... the road is getting darker and darker until i almost can't see anything.. and i bang'ed "something" when i was running... and at last... i went into her house...

at first i was just suppose to teman her home... but i din call my parents and i terslept on her dining table... when i woke up, she was eating the big bun "dai bao"... with chopstick... then i ask her why din wake me up... she answered that i'm harmless.... lolz... while eating half way, we heard some kind of opera singing, and we thought that was neighbour's ring tone... who knows there's "G" around... our chopstick started to stand up and dance around... i was hugging her and keep praying that the "G" will go off... but "G" 's singing keep getting louder and louder... suddenly, " ding dong ~ " the door bell rings and the "G" gone d... we went to open the door and it was Kai Yee outside... haha... so we had our talk for hours... then we went to take bath... me and her separately la... not that "pro" to dream bout taking bath together lar !! zzz

after that we went to send kai yee home and we're having a walk at the garden... once again, our hands are combined... she say my hand so small, almost smaller than hers... but i say still got like half cm longer than hers and stuff... had a fun argue there... after that we keep smiling only.... after having the walk... it's time for pasar malam already... but i woke myself up before going to pasar malam... sure can have lots of fun there....

but the fact's still the fact... so i chose to face the reality than being lied in a dream... of course i do hope the dream is some kind of hint... but... it's just illusions after all.... the only thing i dun like bout this dream is the "G" part and she has 2 piercings on her tongue... XD duno why would that be inside my dream also... LOL... but others was just perfect and nice... she's the one that i always wanted... caring and understanding.... =) but this is the first time i dream of something so real... every contact in the dream seems so real and like i can feel it... and every emotions so true...

reminding myself..... dream is still a dream.... what happens in the reality? depends on my effort lo... =)

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

7th April

this is the test result i got from a test : what girls do you attract?
and i'm totally agree with the phrase... emo girls are beautiful in their own little way... they're sometimes very artistic and they see the world in a different way than the rest of us
i dun call her an emo girl... but that's what everyone else thought she was one?
things are viewed differently by individuals... everyone has their own beauty
and everyone has their own way of doing stuff, just because their way dun suits us, we think that's weird... everyone is weird in their own way too =)

i also duno what am i crapping... today suddenly thought of love is something like gambling
the bet you decided to put, you duno will you get anything in return, you just bet it with your feelings... and gambling is controllable, it's not addictive if you think it's not
love is mysterious like gambling... sometimes you think you understand it, but you're not
haha, i guess i'm out of my mind, i actually match love with gamble?? and compared them?
haha... but love is definitely not a gamble stuff... i will never do that =P

had domino's for dinner... almost 4 months din eat it already... time passes really fast... remember when we used to eat domino's with the classmates... and unconsciously... spm already finished for 4 months? and result day already almost a month?? time really flies

Thursday, April 2, 2009

here it goes




ColorQuiz.comboonkhit took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

""Takes on too much and is easily overwhelmed, but ..."


Click here to read the rest of the results.


flash

haha... today afternoon... a girl called me... she's from kdu... she told me bout there's an intake on april... and asked me what course i would like to take or i'm interested in... she sounds really nervous... within that 1 minute call, i heard 4 mistakes... but she did a really great job =) cause i'm totally a weirdo on phone... haha... i can't really talk well on phone... with anyone... close friends, female friends, teacher, or anyone... eventhough if they're the one who keeps on come out new topics and who wants to continue the conversation... i just can't talk well... XD duno why... i prefer sharing in words... =(

can i stop looking at the past? memories... i noticed i have sweet memories more than sad/bad memories... but those sweet memories are like tools to comfort myself whenever i'm down... i really wish the sweets will remain and those bads will go off... =(

i always thought of my this classmate when i'm down also... her name is kah kei... everytime think bout how funny she is, how cheerful she is, i'll smile by my own... heh... i also duno why... haha... look at her can smile easily too... duno lar ~

birthday coming in 61 days... =P

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

April Fool

it's not as fun as the form 3's and form 4's april fool for me... i really miss those times... that she will always sms me... and always cheer me up whenever i'm down... but... i know everything's over and it'll be history already... i din get to celebrate birthday with her this year.... no transport lar !! sorry lah ~ but i wished you also ler... hehe... she has a really sweet smile... but belongs to other ppl d lor... =( let it go lor... not missing her anymore as i met someone new... haha =P

today ~ morning took a heavy breakfast.... 2 half boiled eggs + nasi lemak + milo !! full like mad... bowling 6 games?? gila... thumb's nail crack again... haha... but this time got internal bleeding and blue black on the thumb... more serious compare to last time... =( i know my throwing style is wrong... but i just wanna be different... if everyone's following what everyone else did... then what's the point of being individuals?? i dun mind ppl say bout my dressing style... as long as i feel free, comfortable, relax.... then i'm ok with it lor... why mind so much?? they're just the same as the others, aka common.... =P watched 12 rounds and confession of a shopaholic...

12 Rounds was OK cause the stupid screen keep shaking... made me end up in a dizzy condition and feels like vomitting after coming out from cinema hall... that show... i rate it 5/10... haha

confession of a shopaholic was awesome !! haha... i dun say it's a girl's show... cause it's really nice !! haha.... 9.5/10 !!! this show.... you can never get bored... it's interesting in almost every part.... but 90% of the audience are FEMALES !!! and i'm the only one without girl friend there.... for the MALES.... haha... so special hor.... when i walk into cinema, show haven starts... those females look at me with 1 kind of look.... like their faces are written : is he inside the right hall?? is he alone?? gosh.... this is a shopaholic show.... is he gay?? why is he sitting alone?? bla bla bla... girls... just watch your damm show lar.... talk so much for what?? i love watching movie alone you blow ah?? damm wei... keep talk talk talk almost all the time... interupt ppl enjoy movie nia... &^%$#@! girl.... only know how to spend money....

tip of the day : you know how love works?? actually it works like clapping hand... need 2 ppl to put in effort together to create the fantastic love adventure... just like you need 2 hands to clap... if only 1 person is putting effort into the love relationship... it won't works... just like you're clapping with 1 hand... NO SOUND = NO CONCLUSION that's why "tepuk sebelah tangan" exist... cause you can never clap with a hand... you can only slap and not clap...