an article

hey, i read an article and i think it's kinda true.... it sounds as below...

the hair on our skull is like the problems we are facing.... everyday we grow new hair and we drop hair too... it's like everyday we'll face new problems and solved some old problems.... and when some ppl chose to be a monk or a nun, that means they willing to let go everything and really into the religion.... they accepted it... we can't choose what problems to face but we can choose what problems to solve... it's like we can't controlling the growing of our hair but we can cut or plug out our hair.... my hair is getting thicker... does it means my problems are getting bigger?? HAHA...

just wish i'll never emo again... i din really wanted to.....

dreaming

seriously, this few days really driving me crazy, my mind is totally out of my mind !! almost uncontrollable...

everyday i'm dreaming bout all the ppl... to be exactly... manda, may jin, an ting, rebecca, kar how, jason, andrea, kian boon, chun ming, king yang, vin zhan.... all keep appearing in my dreams... and each of them like inside a channel, my dreams can switch from one to another in just a blink of mind !! obviously everyone knows my favourite channel !! haha... but this dream tv got problem de !! will auto change channel... haha... i wish there's someone on earth can invent something like a dream camera?? take down image in dreams.... i had so much sweet memories in my dreams... really wish it WILL happen... haha....

started to work and everyday dream like that, my mind really tired... really really tired... sorry for not texting everybody or reply anyone's message in time.... really not suppose to use phone during my work... but i will check when it vibrates cause in case it's the sub-boss call me... haha...

weird dreams

this few days, seriously OH MY GOSH?? i'm dreaming of my friends 1 by 1 everyday, 27th i dreamt bout jason lim stealing my breakfast, 28th i dreamt of kar how playing roller coaster with me at genting.... today 29th, duno i'll dream bout who le??

before ns, i sort of having a drama dream!! it's continuously one... i din even know the conclusion yet, so fast end liao meh?? haiz... 2nd last episode was buying milk powder for the baby-gonna-born one... haha !! dreaming ~

true enough??

Everybody's got something they had to leave behind
All this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

Till that day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby

I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day

am i hurting??

the title meant in 2 ways...

1stly
am i hurting myself?? as in because she already confessed that she fell in love with a friend of mine... now i'm just like a friend being around for her... i really like who she is... i dun care for her background, weaknesses, or whatever... but of course i'm wishing her to be happy all the time. it's hard to make someone really feels happy for quite a while right?? maybe i wanna be like the yes man's main actor... dun plan for holidays... we just take the earliest flight after we arrived the airport... and enjoy our life... it's hard knowing her loving someone so deeply, but it's even harder for me knowing her being sad somewhere... after all, it's hardest when i know she's in that kind of bad condition or situation that makes her duno what to do and have to keep everything to herself... i saw a sentence that day, " the best thing on earth is free ", so, i wish her for the best lah... sometimes i say i dun mind that she dun likes me, but it's just a way to comfort myself and just not make things hard for her cause it's like forcing her to a corner... hope the lucky angel or the love angel will be on my side someday =)

2ndly
sometimes i really doubt it, am i stupid being this way? everytime i'm making ppl feeling bad or worries bout me, most of the time they see me emo but they can't really do anything bout it... because i chose not to say it out.. sometimes i think i've hurt them in some way... but seriously, it's not i dun wanna tell out, it's because i know if i open my mouth, i'll broke down and cry out loud, that's the worst situation that i wish no one will "saw" it... prom night, i tried to talk... but ends up crying in the toilet.. i know myself very well, that's why i choose the best way to cover myself?? i wish the way i chose to be won't affect my friends, i really dun wan to hurt any of them... i chose to be silence, and there's a reason... because i will break down !! ok, stop for now... no way i can be emo now !!! stupid me

mixed feeling =(

hahaha !! what a stupid me... been guessing all this while and i really failed this time... i thought i really knew her and this time i really guessed it wrong... i thought it was him all the time and end up it was another guy... i felt really failed...

she decided to confess everything and really expressed herself... i guess because everyone dun hav any time more for anything so she gave it a last try... NS is kinda long and it's really sad that you cannot see someone you love for like 3 months?? to be specific, it's only 76 days i heard? haiz... jason always told how hurt it is knowing the person you love eye into a best friend of yours... now i know she already fall into the guy who is kinda close to me also... i guess my feeling now is very weird... i really din't expect that to happen to me but seriously i failed this time...

i felt all mixed up now... seriously i din expect it'll be him... she really kept it well... she's right and always do... never fall in someone over deeply... but she had some miss saying during spm, she keeps talking bout him everyday... =P it's not over the expectation too much... haha!! i can't find any song that suits my mood now... just wish her will be happy... and gratz to him lo... he's the luckiest man =P it's better that she fell in someone that is really good in taking care of ppl?? although he have lots of bad things, but i can list out the good things of his too =) good luck to her also la =)

is there any way that i can really let go of her... although i dun think she'll read my blog, but i'll feel better after i blogged here evertime... knowing the truth is really suffering huh? i wish i never knew the truth and let me guess the wrong person until the end... haha... i really duno how to express sadness of mine... what i can do is to make more fake laughs??

never fear, never sad, never happy, never loved, never give up

it's me and it always do.... just me, me and me... i and myself are gone... it's just me....

it's christmas eve !! woohoo

haha, it's a christmas eve for everyone today.. haha..

today, went to a friend's house at damansara idaman?? somewhere near tropicana i guess ?? ahah, took cab there and i dun really know the place.. haha... even the friend's house.. erm, i also not sure is she my friend... lolz... i din even said a hi to her before... haha... but it's kinda cool going her house... she has a toy dog and a siberian husky... which is kinda rare in malaysia i suppose?? cause it's super expensive, but seriously it's very cute although it's a big one.. haha... and really like her house... wish to have a house like hers but it's kinda hard to clean up the house cause it's way too big... i dun plan to get a maid in the future also... cause having a maid really shows that you're a lousy and lazy person... in my own opinion la, we shouldn't get maids cause we should do our own housecore and stuff la... although i'm not a really good person in doing my own things, but i'll try to practice it as the time passes lo... haha.... watched wild child half way at her house, wild child is a good movie i think, cause it talks bout really naughty girls... haha !! but we all have to start moving to the curve for the christmas count down.... that's why we have to leave the wild child and proceed to the curve lo... haha... everyone was playing crazy there... haha... we bought like 3 boxes of sprays... and everyone just spamm sprays like crazy.... money really flies.. haha....

everyone just keep paying money and get the sprays to spray at strangers?? haha... it's good to meet new friends... but sometimes some ppl might just get angry and start a fight... we did witnessed a fight between some malays and some chinese... not being racist... heh... the worst part is both the malay and the chinese also bleed like some hell and they're still fighting each other.... there was 1 guy... his forehead, cheeks, nose and mouth are bleeding, so freaking scary... haiz.... wonders why they fight also....

i din really get into the christmas mood there... was busy clearing the spray cans around her, haha... because i saw her fell down once and i cannot afford to see her fall down again... busy clearing those cans for like half an hour?? and tried my best to block all the sprays... haha... cause she really hate ppl spraying right at her face... and it's suffering seeing her keep coughing and i can't really do anything...tried my hardest =) but still... not good enough... i saw her leg got stepped 3 times?? and her leg turned black cause the stepper's shoes not clean enough i guess?? haha... anywayz, i felt kinda happy doing so... it's like protecting her silently?? eventhough i know i won't have any chance being the special one... but i'm already satisfied being this way.... it's not i wanna be the stupid one or anything, but it's really hard to let go someone that meant so much to me...

missing those time

- how you used to appreciate everything i've done for you
- how you used to greet me in the morning
- how you always convince me in doing something, it do helps a lot
- how you always ask me not to worry
- how you always laugh in school that makes my day bright
- how you always express your thoughts and feelings with me,
it's the best moment i ever had

bleeding

YES MAN !! nice movie though.... highly recommended...

today woke up with a bloody mouth !! whole tongue is full of blood... duno what happened, my teeth keep bleeding.... i can't even bite food properly....and it hurts a lot !! so suffering chewing food now... both left and right also pain... i'm already worrying like some hell d.... still wan me to suffer from this bleeding thinge.... damm suck la !! at night wanna sleep also take me like an hour !! worry this worry that, pain here pain there.... damm !!!

feeling weird

today, got to teman a friend to undang seminar, of course i'm involved too la, cause i also have to take my license too ma... but he called me last night and i decide it within a minute, then today followed to the seminar and sat there for like 6 hours lifelessly... the best thing bout seminar is ashy dent (accident) only.... the guy keep pronounce as ashy dent and it do sounds like presiden... haha....

after seminar, since everyone so concern bout her, so i give it a try... i went to her house... but once i like step into her house's front area... 1 girl/lady appeared at 2nd floor and looking at me... and i look back at her... that moment, i felt something very weird... it's like 1 kind of feeling that tells me that person really dun wan to do so... i hope that's her but the feel i got at that moment was like her mom was the one who looking at me... but anyhow, i just feel like i'm gonna lose something or someone while i standing looking at that person.... and my tears just drop out like i already lost something... i walked away and i turned back, she's still looking... i really wish that was her at that moment, i will try my hardest and never give up no matter what happened... i've decided....

i was kinda down after that, so i went 1u alone.... wasted 5 bucks on arcade... end up won all the matches... it's like so few ppl today and no match at all.... really wanted to express so badly... after that i went to buy chicken kebab and eat lo, while i was q'ing for the kebab, lee ping pass by... at the back of me.... but she din notice me.. i guess i wasn't that special after all... haha... after i bought my kebab, wanted to go back arcade to check, is there any pro playing there... mana tahu i got shocked in front of TGV.... i met cheau wei and cheau rou there... the twins sister shopping on sunday !! haha... then when i reach arcade, i saw the twins brother !! en kane and en dru playing daytona... both of them so pro.... drifting at the speed of 320km/h and every drifts so perfect.... really wish can learn from them.. haha.. meeting 2 twins in da same day =)

out of sight, out of mind

3 days without any sound from the phone... i felt so abnormal for not texting anymore.....

out of sight, out of mind

out of sight i already succeed, cause i won't be seeing her anymore...
out of mind, i still need more time to do so, i'm thinking all the time... she's everywhere >.<

dammit, why?? why?? why?? haiz....

first time in my history or others' history??

i guess i'm mentally sick... and i need some mental fixing treatment... haha...

yesterday like everyone playing so fun.... i was having fun also i guess.... then the stupid guard says girls also cannot wear shirt in the swimming pool, then she started to down again... i duno why everytime she's feeling down, i will feel down too...

looking at her when she's feeling so down, i dun feel nice too... i was standing 1 side and eat drink then drink eat and eat drink again and again until she started to talk i only go back into the swimming pool... but seriously i'm such an useless person huh?? standing 1 side doing nothing and worrying in the heart only... when inside the lift... i heard something that make me feel even down'er... i was thinking at that moment too, why the other 2 boon can cheer her up so easily... but me, this boon.... weird, boring and useless.... wanna make her smile for 0.1 second also cannot...

but the main thing i wanna say here is... something i dun even believe it will happen but it already happened this morning... when i was sitting alone this morning, i was thinking bout my past... what did i do?? what actually happened to me... yesterday when she was feeling so down and sent a weird message... i wasn't doing anything at all... did i lost hope?? did i gave up?? i really duno what am i thinking at that moment but somehow felt that i couldn't bother it anymore... haiz... but this morning, the very first time that i emo til i vomitted twice... i felt really suffering in the heart and it just vomit like that... i guess i'm both physically and mentally damaged... i guess i need to speed up myself to seek for the key of happiness or joy, or else i will sink into the ocean with all my depresssion...

many ppl think i need a counselor? (not sure the spelling) i guess no need la, a quiet person like me and seldom share my feelings de.... i guess i won't trust the counselor also... haha... i feel more safe sharing with those i care for or care for me

fate

our lives are made in these twists and turns of fate....

i really cannot forget the way i feel right now....

i thought~

i thought everything will be ended...
i thought that i won't see her again anymore...
i though what i did was the best i could...

it's hard to kill a heart that's full of love when that someone is just so near... the best way is not seeing her anymore... i seriously wanted to control my heart... should i??? it's so suffering doing things this way... seriously, i duno what to do mann.... i really thought everything can just let go like that... but the feeling still held in my heart... it's not just that kind of love love talking or feeling... it's something deep inside the heart... haiz....

i thought i won't get hurt anymore...
i thought i could let go
i thought i won't bother it anymore....

someone please tell me what should i do... i'm seriously lost

the biggest decision i made

after schooling days ~ after spm ~ after genting ~ after prom ~
i've made a big decision today...
after all that, i notice i'm not mature enough, i'm typing all this now also showed that i'm not mature enough... haha... i'm accepting all the advises from my friends... it's time to make such a decision... and here, i'm gonna say all the truth... out of so many friends... there's only 3 ppl that really support me loving her... others all dun support me... i'm not gonna disappoint the 3 friends of mine.... but i guess i need more time... the me now is someone who really duno how to talk, how to express, and how to care bout the others... everytime need everyone to help me to solve my problems... i can never solve it on my own...

everytime we hang out i also need other ppl to fetch me or help me in my transport... i'm always the one who troubles other people with my own problem... and i also emo... i duno how to take care myself and love myself... i shouldn't attempt to take care or even love other people yet...

i can never know how to treat ppl nice, everytime i only know how to make ppl angry and scold me like some hell... i think i'm still not someone that can really take care of her... but i wanted to let her know that i really love her... but for now... i'll try my hardest to make everything done first... i will try my best to let her know that i love her.... but wait until more stable first lah =) same sentence again, i really wish my first to be my last.... this is the first time i felt my heart so pain blogging... it's like i'm killing my heart >.< haiz.... i really dun wish to end this love.... i wan an endless love... haha...

after spm, i'm feeling down
after genting, i'm feeling even down
after prom, i'm feeling the worst...

i stayed in love but i will limit myself... most emo songs i ever heard is playing on my blog =)

watching movie at the right time??

i just watched a movie called Meet the Robinson... it's a cartoon actually... but the movie is really good... i was feeling a bit down... so i look up for some movies to watch.... end up i'm with this cartoon thinge..

this show is about a kid who was abandoned by his mom at the orphanage, he been through 143 "interview" with those who want to adopt a child... but cause of his inventions of machines... he scare off all those couples... because he wants to meet his mom, he invented a memory scanner to see why his mom abandoned him... he went to a science fair to show his invention, but end up he met with his future son... he came to save him from danger and bla bla bla... and his orphanage roommate turned bad cause of his baseball match failure.... ok la... just go watch it.... it's a good movie.... and some part is funny....

i wanted to say that... what i learnt from this movie... every choices make a difference in our life... that's why we have to make our decisions right... in this movie, it also says that we should look at the positive side instead of negatives... we should keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things no matter how many times we failed or how hard life is... because we're curious... and the curiosity is the thing that keeps leading us down new paths...

that's the same goes to smoking.... we're curious... so end up if we can't control.... we'll have to stick with cigarettes for the rest of our lives.... every decisions make a difference....

after watching this movie... i guess i shouldn't be so sad and depress anymore... i shall keep moving forward.... doing new things... what happened already happen.... so.... let it go.... listen to my playlist's little wonders bah =) it helped me a lot from today's mood =) i guess i watched the movie at the right time... =)

btw, this is my 100th post... gratz to me... haha.... not spamming posts.... this shows i've emo'ed for 100 times... haha... an emo'er is emo'ing with his emoness in this emo world

do i deserve it ??

prom is like a gathering for everyone of us for the last time... it suppose to be something happy or enjoying.... but why am i feeling so bad?? the prom passed, and i felt like it's something i shouldn't attend?? i went to prom is like stabbing a knife on my chest... every scene is so hurting... i know i'm being jealous, but who wouldn't?? even a best friend thought they're coupling... every moment looking at them is like slicing my arm... but i look at her not to hurt myself, i just wanna make sure she's safe... but why !! no matter what i did i'm like won't get my credits... i'm trying so hard already... i even started not to fear while talking to her...

last night, when everyone of us getting down from car... none of them even thought of holding an umbrella.... me.... purposely borrowed an umbrella just to make sure the girl(s) won't get sick... but end up i got no credit too and everyone was like saying the other person... seriously... i duno why am i hurting so much... i already knew she's loving someone so deeply... and yet i still love her... everytime she's telling me how much she loved him... and making me not to love her... but why am i still loving her?? looking at her smile is like the most happy time... having a time together = heavenly feeling... the way she speaks, i can find no words to describe... and everytime i feel like no one notice me at all... even when we yam cha'ing last night... i'm gone for like 2 minutes only got ppl notice.... 2 minutes.... it's long enough to suicide already... i loved her for who she is... i dun mind what's the cost... as long as i know i'll live for her... why life has to be so miserable?? things always cannot go well... why am i feeling so down....

did she cared for my feeling?? i duno... cause it's like yesno all the time... i can't expect the person i love to love me.... i really shouldn't go prom.... now what?? i'm crying all alone?? 1 of my friend told me that i cry = stupid... for just a girl... he also said that if she dun love me is her lost... cause i'm someone so good?? i dun even think i'm good or whatsoever... good ppl are failures... shouldn't be borned at the first place... now i know why ppl wanted to be bad guys... i'm even feeling wanted to be 1 of them... for ppl who are close to me... they should know what i WAS... but seriously i dun wan to get affectedd by all this love love thing and turn back to what i WAS...

or should i think a lil further?? i shouldn't transfer back to this school?? or i shouldn't join club setia or go cheer 2008.... everything is connected... but why ?!?!?! it's like so random and so suckz... 1 time happy 1 time sad... but every sadness is double the happiness i had....

why i have to see all those scenes?? it's like so bleeding... i've asked myself... will she be happy if she's with me?? will she live nicely without any problems like what she's facing now?? i can't even make her smile even for 1 second.... seeing other making her smile... it's good to see her smile... i just couldn't control it anymore... i'm feeling so bad and down now... first time i felt so down that i'm even tears'ing while i'm blogging... but who cares right?? no one care bout me... no one will even notice me... i cried also no one care one la.... do i deserve it??

why ?? why ?? why ??
do i deserve it?? do i really have to face all this?? do i really have to do this?? i'm feeling so so so so so so bad now.... but suiciding will be a stupid way to end everything... i guess i'll just stay with all this pain. Why? i really don know what else to say. just wanna let her know i really love her.

malfunction of my brain ?? first time in my life

haha, i'm feeling weird today, i duno am i happy or sad... it's just so damm weird... and today is the first time i couldn't use my brain... RM364 / 5 = RM71.50 ?? and RM58.50 / 5 = RM11.90 ?? omg... i felt so failed wei... i calculated 2 things wrongly today !! which 364/5 = 72.8 and 58.5/5 = 11.7 omg wei... i duno why i can't calculate today... conclusion : thinking of her will result in calculation failure or brain malfunction =( but at least i have someone to think of =)

my condition is getting worse and worse as the days pass by... even when i wanna text my bro i went to text her... everytime i wanna sms someone, the first name pop out on my mind is hers... it's like i'll checking the phone every moment... how lucky am i to have someone to text with everyday... i'm gladful.... today watched twilight... it's nice i suppose?? cause some ppl say it was OK or some even say it was BORING ~ it's so nice seeing 2 ppl loving each other so deep... and i guess i won't feel it in quite a time... haha... and that Edward guy.... woo.... so cool... haha...

perfect sentence during movie : his nose bleeding !!

haha, what a nice one.... all of us laughed....

And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like "oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now
No matter what I do
Baby, baby I stay in love with you

It cuts so deep It hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me I ain't the same no more

my favourite sentences from i stay in love...

i stayed in love instead of giving up =)

Tag =)

I was tagged by Steph once again =)

Rules:
1.Link to the person that tagged you.
2.Post the rules in your blog.
3.Share 6 non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4.Tag 6 random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5.Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6.Reply to me when you're finish.

1. I'm dreaming all the time =)
2. Normally ppl duno what i'm thinking... haha
3. I have a angry face?? haha someone just told me this >.<
4. No one dare to bully me at genting =P
5. I always rub my forehead when i can't think of something
6. I love solving maths questions =P
-
And I'm tagging :
1. Cheau Wei
2. Raja
3. Jason Lim
4. Lee Ping
5. Sook Teng
6. Poh Yee

never regret ~

first of all, i'm gonna say i'm not regreting for going genting for the past 3 days, the day before the trip, which was 7th dec, i was still thinking to go or not to go because i'm worried i'll be sad or down or emo or what so ever and sweep everyone's joy (sweep joy = sou heng in can), but i decided to go also la.... heh... that night, i chatted with 3 ppl that is kinda close with me de la... they asked me to let go of her cause there's no chance at all for me... i'm so stupid that i even tried to forget her, i deleted around 70 messages of hers in my phone (max 80 la)... but end up i still can't do it, i'm happy seeing her smile or laugh... for the past 3 days, i've seen enough... she's so happy... but no matter what, i shouldn't even try to forget bout her... because seriously she's damm special and unique like no other... i shall punish myself for doing so >.< i will never regret for loving her, but i regret what i've done for attempting to forget her... i'm keeping my foot steady on the ground now and never doubt bout it anymore

it was fun enjoying all the games with my friends... especially the racing car... before playing also got fun d.... a friend of mine was asking what should she do if the car flip over or how to start the engine and etc... haha i know i'll be sad during this trip d, and everything is under expectation... haha... although i know i'll be hurt and i still go (how brave was i huh?!) heh, i almost tears but i din cause the weather made me unable to tears >.< i wanted to express so badly but i dun wan everyone to be like no mood to play lo... so end up i'm not so active lo... i thought of the consequences also, what will i get for expressing myself?? so end up i decided not to do anything also lo... seriously i duno why we couldn't talk face to face... everytime we talk also like indirect talking...

ok la, i shall focus myself in the next coming prom... i haven got my tie and long sleeve shirt =(

the sobness and anger

yesterday was my first time tearing while reading someone's blog... it's so touching... it must be hard for him to went through so many things....

after reading his blog, i realise i'm kinda same?? but obviously i'm not, because she WAS in love with him and my case is she's not even in love with me... >.< it's a big decision to make, no matter how brave a person is.... it's really hard to make such decision... but i'm not making the same decision as his... he chose to let the girl go and let her happy....me le... i decided not to talk bout it anymore until she's ready or something... because i just couldn't afford to see her like this anymore... i dun wan to see any sad, angry or rather unwilling expressions from her anymore... even though it's hard to make such decision, but i just wish to see her happy smile rather than the sad or angry face... she possessed a nice smile and she should always hang it out... today, i saw that unwilling face once again... just like what happened before going in to watch the luckiest man... i guess not many ppl know bout it... heh...

i will always protect you, and that's why i always walk behind you, it's not i wanna stalk or what so ever, just in case if there's anything happen from the back, you'll be protected... it's not i dun wan to talk, it's because i'm never serious... whatever came out from my mouth is lame... just wish to see your smile always =)

but seriously... sometimes i really cannot stand all the people around cause they keep making fun of it... what's the big deal?? even i'm walking beside her, doesn't mean there's anything between me and her right?? why must ppl do that kind of stupid face and say those stupid things?? i dun care how much it hurts me... but can you all please respect her?? so what if i like her?? so what if i dun grab my chance?? mind your own business la... seriously cannot stand wei...

tomorrow we're going to genting... having fun for 3 days and 2 nights?? i hope it will be fun la... really dun wanna see anyone angry or sad... today i'm so piss off until my eyes turned red.... i do have enough sleep last night, so i dun think it's lack of sleep... ppl should realise i'm damm quiet today, but only after tesco i guess?? cause it happened during tesco... >.<

i tears'ed and i fist'ed, mixing feelings, sobbing and anger... all over my mind

wish you all the best during this genting trip, and wish you'll have all the fun... dun wanna see you feeling down anymore...

i felt better ??

it's good to keep ourselves busy all the time so we won't simply think or emo !! ahah

today, i actually used around 7 hours to clean up my whole room, although it's a small one, but i clean it slowly... ahah...

and i've shifted my com back into my room....
3 months ago i shift it out for 1 reason only... which is sms....
now, i seldom sms already.... so i guess no need to put it outside anymore...

i put my phone silence for 4 months already... sometimes i just hate to hear it rings cause it always disappoint me... haha... but now.... it don't even vibrate...... for 4 days already.... i mean it do vibrate... but it's another disappointment lo... maybe i'm just out of topics?? haha... i dun watch the tv show anymore.. cause i always dun get to watch.... who ask me so good obey my dad?? haha.... he always watch those malay show also dun let me watch "addicted to love"... haiz.. let me less topic nia... haha... but i think if we're living together.... no need to watch tv show also sure got topic one... haha...

ok, stop dreaming and face the fact... haiz.... haha... least emo day today cause 7 hours passed like a blink... >.<

what a day

it's a weird feeling, it's kinda real but somehow i know it's fake... at least i WAS happy in my imagination world... i seriously felt i'm the luckiest man on earth for few moments =) really miss those feelings.

i never doubt like this before ~

should i give up ??

maybe it's better for us

or

please show me a clearer view as the time passes...

i'm so lost....

short but meaningful to me??

Gemini for 29th November 2008

Right now it's your emotional nature that is going to be your driving force in life, but that needs to start changing. You need to think more with your brain and less with your heart. It isn't steering you wrong, but it could be sending you in circles. Think things through and get some alone time if you feel that you need it. Being practical might not feel very sexy, but it's definitely the intelligent way to go! Temptations soon disappear when you look at them with a critical eye.

i'm emotional, maybe what the horoscope's thinge says is true.. i need to look at things with a critical eye and dun get affect by the temptations??

emo'ed

worst news i ever saw ??

omg, when my friend told me we can check online for our NS, i was so excited cause i din get the letter for 4 days !! at first still quite cheerful de.... maybe 2nd batch ma... not bad la, if 2nd batch... mana tahu... i type in my IC number..... the website tell me i got into 3rd batch ?!?! i was like paused for 1 minute !! 3rd batch is like..... july ~ october ?!?!?!? what the * mann.... but when i think to the positive side.... if i try to get job that's 1.7k per month.... i can get 10k for that half year !! which is enough for my half year college?? XD

aiya, just hope every DAMM thing will turn out good after this NS !! sobz sobz

New Lyrics of fall for you =(

The worst thing about tonight's that we're not texting
Could it be that we have been this way before??
I know you don't care what I am typing
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

I held my breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I'll message you, over again
Don't make me feel lonely

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're special and odd

This is not what I expected
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start

Back to this topic again

haha, back to LOVE !!

i was thinking... when we love someone, do we have to make them ours?? do we have to couple ?? i always think that i'm not ready for a relationship?? cause i'm lack of experience... because i never try before... i can't even take care of myself... how i take care of her?? sometimes i regret why i din take my license earlier.... now i stay so far from her, wanna ask her out also cannot fetch her... haiz... my close friends, my not close friends... everyone that knows me ask me to get her... i duno what is she thinking bout me, and i think i'm still kinda kiddy... haiz....

i'm still too young for it... i'm not a good guy... i'm evil ~

wishing for a star to fall
wishing that i can make a wish and it'll come true
wishing everything will be fine if i'm being good
wishing every moment will be precious and memorable
wishing all my dreams will come true
wishing that i can be someone better than yesterday everyday

Joke of the day ~

One day, there's this man... went to a klinic... to check his "brother" because he's not feeling well... so, there's this female doctor... gave the man a small bottle to fill with some samples (which is the man's sperms)... so he went home...


The next day, the man went to the klinic again.... he gave her an empty bottle... the female doctor ask him, why is it empty??

Man : I tried using my left hand, i failed.
I try my second time with my right hand, still fail...
I even tried with my both hand !! but failed once again !!

At this moment, the female doctor already freak out... the man continues

Man : After i failed, i ask my wife to help me out...
She used her left hand, right hand, both hand.... even her mouth..... still cannot !!
I even asked my young nephew, she also can't make it...

What are you thinking at this moment?? what's the man trying to say ??




Actually is the bottle cover too tight, they all can't open it.... are you dirty minded?? haha, i think it's funnier in the cantonese version... haha

1st and 2nd option made a difference??

hmm, early in the morning woke up late and was rushing to this dim sum shop to eat with ma friends... at first wanted to wear the rumah hebat shirt de... but like.... the other shirt is asking me to wear it ?? haha, ok... end up wearing the latest PJ shirt.... the white one la, with the grey marks de... billabong ?? haha.... duno bout it but that's what everyone said bout it... haha... i'm a normal guy that don't care bout brands?? it's true that what you wear can represents your status... but sometimes i really felt that we're wasting our money and letting ppl earn more money.... to me, as long as it's comfortable... i dun care is it branded or not !! dammit, hate talking bout this topic, always got those rich kid lan c here and there... they really need to taste how's the feeling of poor man !!! spend money like no one else on earth !! haven even starting earning money already spend so much...

ok, back to main, end up i wore that white PJ shirt... mana tahu the other friend of mine wearing that also... =.=" but if i wear the green hebat shirt, will be same with another friend... >.< so end up, im the same with the "crazy girl" haha... keep on laughing with her own joke...=.=" it's kinda fun day, but.... once again, i'm opposite of up for no reason.... just somehow felt so... haha

Exam or Alakazam ??

haha, today is our art's objective day ~

test = 75 minutes
25th minute = 50% student gone
30th minute = 80% gone
50th minute = 2 students left ....

it was like, everyone spamming answers and race who can come out earliest... end up the price goes to jason lim... 23 mins ended... haha.... it's cool ~ too bad i'm slow.... the 33th minute only came out... sad la me... anywayz, a fun day though..... slept at 5am... doing something repeatedly for like 3 hours.... lifelessly.... haha.... but it was fun after all.... pandas ~

how to get rid of a feeling?? the answer is you can't....

Taboo ~ A new game i've played

haha... i hope everyone not as noob as me that don't know bout this game taboo until 2 days ago ?? haha... it's a good game for training your mind and language... learnt quite a few words...

first day playing it was very very fun because we're using all the funny funny words...
second day playing it.... not boring but even funnier cause they set it as only actions, no words !! the word "hyper"... really made all of us misunderstood... haha... because of their little funny actions... heh...

new learnt
- moon's brother = star
- round specs, rounds specs = harry porter

oh !! for those who were there.... the penguin's action was brilliant... super creative that reminds us a friend... haha.... glad that i've learnt... haha

can i ask for a simple one??

why everyone's life have to be so difficult?? can't us just choose a simple life??

a life with love is full of sacrifice, a life without love wouldn't be a life.
you can't choose to recognize, you can't choose to memorize,
the one you love you'll always recognize, the memories of us will be memorized.
either she's with or not with you, you're still loving her as much as you can,
either sweet or bitter memories, you're still remaining it in your mind.

advice : not over curious or over kind

over curiousity and kindness will bring you troubles.... because you've known too much things...
there's time to express, there's time to seal,
be a smart person and know when to conceal.
if you got brain, dun throw it to the drain.

i wish i never heard those words,
i wish i never saw those scenes,
i wish i never felt those pains,
i wish i never taste those bitterness.

the space already occupied in my mind, but still i wish i never knew......
and now it couldn't heal...
and i wish i can be feal.

i found it rhymes with all the "eww" ending...

my angel ??

i'm so addicted to mamma mia's i have a dream... ahah... cause i believe in angel... cause i'm seeing 1 everyday.... every morning before i take my exam.... heh... i just have to look up from my exam room i can see my little angel d... looking at her before exam really can release stress... 3 days of exam, seeing her before every exam... do the exam questions also relax a bit...

after spm, must grab my chance !! i won't let myself regret once again !! already twice =.=" haha

my love ~

There's nothing fancy bout the way i love you,
There's nothing you could not find in any other man.
There's nothing fancy bout the way I love you,
But I love you as hard as I can.

There's no good reason for the way you love me,
But you're my walking dream come true.
There's no good reason for the way you love me,
But I thank God that you do.

I don't know the perfect conversation,
I don't know the way to turn a head,
I don't know the perfect way to prove my love,
But I know I'll love you till I'm dead.

There's nothing fancy bout the way I love you,
It's as simple as the stars in the sky, and the blue in the sea.
There's nothing fancy bout the way I love you,
But it sure is fancy how you love me.

why? why? why?

is it because i treat it special?? that's why it's special??

i've received the same message from various ppl, but the reaction somehow different when it's from her... haiz.... when other ppl send me, i was like oh ~..... when she send me, i was like omg omg omg... ahah, how pathetic was i?? every time the phone vibrates, how i wish it's her at that MOMENT..... things are normal when she's not around...

i shouldn't doubt bout my feelings, but why this other girl appeared in my dreams?? not just once or twice, but she appeared lots of time in my dream.... maybe she affected my life huh?? but i know, which i'm 100% sure, that she'll never be the one... eheh

Laughing all the time

Stupid tuition today, made me laughed non stop for like an hour !!

at first i keep lame'ing with my lame jokes to raja de, but he just keep acting cool and try not to laugh... haiz... after that we formed our TCR, which is Tuition Chat Room.. ahah...
then my little dear friend, Raja spelled Sukie's name wrongly... Wong Shu Qu !! hahahahah sounds like suku.... =.=" after that, while we're doing the science work, keep thought of new verbs and words, keep laughing and laughing.. and i was too high at one moment, the word urination, i write unrinization...=.=" what the hell mann ~ haha

and i duno why i suddenly sing the sailormoon song in tuition !! haha... so gay ~

Am i sick or suck ??

hohoho, today is the most special day in high school?? it's our high school graduation day ~
the day started quite well but the ending quite bad... cause i've missed my chance i guess??

hmm, i finally get to see her in school, and i'm glad she reached school safely... before we form 5s go to hall, i get to look into her eyes, it's like, i wanted to tell her something and she has something to tell me also?? i felt that at that moment... but end up we looked away... in the hall, i'm chicken like mad, i duno why i dun even dare to take picture with her, it's like my very the last chance get to take picture with her in uniform.... after that was too busy with the class arrangement... so din get to talk to her at all... really wish can sit down and chat like how we did under a full moon and a sky that is full of stars....

after school, i'm so stupid and i asked a question : should i open my umbrella?? i'm so freaking dumb, she told me that the weather is very hot already, i should've open my umbrella straight and hold for her instead of asking that dumb question... nvm, after i asked, when i really got the guts to do so, my umbrella got rampas by a friend of mine... my plan failed once again... not to say plan, but i'm really trying my hardest... things never go hard when i do it on other ppl, i duno why am i so retard in front of her... and i really duno why... i dun really like to talk to her when so many ppl is around, sometimes really feel like bringing her to somewhere that is quiet... heh, but i know i dun dare to do so de la.... =( once again seeing her leaving me... i duno who is she looking at, but at the very last second i get to look into her eyes once again.... at first thought i can walk her home after tuition cause she'll be going my tuition's place, but end up she went home with another friend's car(1 minute before tuition starts), how nice if i can drive her everyday... sob sob

when i was walking home(1 hour before tuition, i went home to change clothes), i saw a girl, around 100m in front of me, wearing baju kurung, holding a white bag, walking in the same direction, i really thought it was her at that moment, so i thought i finally can talk to her, but end up it's just a normal girl walking home... she's so special to me that i duno what word i can use to describe her, sometimes i really feel i'm such a jerk, like just hanging it on my mouth and there's no action at all?? maybe the things i did just not good enough... am i really sick? lovesick?? taking lovedrugs??? thinking of her every moment?? or am i really suck?? that i dun dare to do or say anything in front of her?? yar, every single and each of us should concentrate in spm... but i just can't stop thinking bout her...

but dun worry la, i'll do my best in my spm, with that 2 messages, no matter what happens also can't stop me from studying i guess?? it's such a BIG MOTIVATION to me... after she tells me that, i really felt that i'm motivated...

> i might be a good boy, but i'm not a good guy, i can't even make her smile, i can't even speak well when she's around, i'm really suck being a good guy... maybe i'm a boy forever?? with my little dream world and little princess <

First time really expressed what i'm thinking, sorry if it's kinda long and boring

New

currently i'm staying at my mom's friend house... studying in a new environment, last night first time studied sejarah for 2 hours, din notice time really flies when i'm studying.. i din even watch my favourite show..bruce lee... haha... missed it... was really into the sejarah text book....

hmm, i can hardly online now.... so, if you really wanna chat with me.... i'll be online'ing on saturday and sunday.... or you really wanna share something with me, can sms lo =P

currently only books around me... haha...

went to school today, played whole day.... wasted... ahah....

Think about it

what keeps us in the past is known as memory,
what brings us to the future is known as dream.

things are irreversible, so think carefully before you do something.
no matter what you do, it sure has effects. even you breathe, the effect is the air around more carbon dioxide... dun try to change your past, let it be a memory... no matter how hard you try to change your past..... you can't change it because time is irreversible.... even if it can be reverse, you can't changea fate.... what you can do is try your best to get a better future... dun let yourself regret =)

emo will bring negative aura??

hmm, i was walking around dj today... i saw this 2 sentences...
女人的幸福是由自己的嘴巴来的，
男人的幸福是由自己的行动来的。

i duno how to explain but i found it's meaningful la... haha

after that i flip through a few books, i saw another 2 sentences
- love is a failure.
- love will be a failure when there's loneliness.

hmm, what happened today?? everything is like pulling me down... from standing to sitting to lying on the floor >.<>.<

我是水，你是鱼。虽然我看不到你哭，但是我感觉到。因为你是在我的心里的。

三个人还是一个人？？

我们的生命里都在寻找三个人，
第一个，是你最爱的人；
第二个，是最爱你的人；
第三个，是和你共度一生的人。

最悲哀的是，这三个人往往不会是同一个人，因为这三个人会在你生命里不同的阶段出现，首先你会遇到你最爱的人，明白了所谓的爱，你就会遇到最爱你的人，然后你体会到真真的爱后，你了解了你自己所需要的人后，你就会遇见和你共度一生的人。

为什么这三个不会是同一个呢？因为在真实生活里，当你发现了你最爱的人，往往他都不会是最爱你的人。而最爱你的人，你往往都不会看上他。然后，和你共度一生的人，通常不会是你最爱的人或最爱你的人。他只是在最适当的时候出现了。

我真的很希望，我可以把你成为同一个人。

情

我终于明白了，了解了，一段情是不能勉强的，无论是爱情，友情，同情，心情。 无论你多么的努力，是你的就是你的； 不是你的就不是你的。

友情，是人的选择，当你知道一个人不喜欢和你做朋友时，就不应该勉强了。 很多事情是不能看表面的，所以也不应该时常追究真相。当你知道真相时， 这种感觉真得不好受。就像今天的我，发现了一件我不该发现的东西，我根本就没有去追究或寻找，它就这样出现了。虽然我的想法不一定对，但是也让我领悟了一件事。我一直都告诉自己，我的想法是错的。你（阅读者）觉得我应该去问个明白吗？ 不问的话我又很烦恼，问了又怕我们（我和我的朋友）之间的感情会变淡。真的很烦！

爱情，不用说也知道是不能勉强的。爱情是最神奇美妙的，一股无法形容的感觉就这样出现在你的心里。爱情也是最多东西烦恼的，因为人类的疑心，好奇心实在太强了，而信心又不足够。像我一个普通的学生，不应该想这么多啦！！！ 真的很烦！！！

同情，根本就是来自心里的，根本勉强不了，一个人有没有同情心都是由他自己决定的。烦！烦！烦！

心情，自己的心情由自己控制，一个人要开心就开心，伤心就伤心，勉强不了，你可以改变一个人的心情，但是你勉强不了的！！ 一个人不开心，你不可能逼他笑，你只能逗她笑。自己的心情都不好了~~~ 烦！！

another day with another promise ?

hmm, just finish watching sky high, i guess this show is 2 years ago d?? haha, but i just got the chance to watch it today after so long.. cause today i finally found the website to get it ... =)

promise promise promise....

hmmm, just dun forget your promise la... it hurts a lot ~ if you're someone who meant a lot to her/him... just make sure you'll do what you've promised la.... =)

a little reminder to myself

the Third Day

today is the third day sleeping in pain.... how i wish that i never hurt by myself? injured?? what was i thinking at that moment?? everything happens in less than 3 seconds... it's so hurt... i never knew i could hurt like this... and everyday life goes on like normal.... after that happened, i really wish the time is reversible... i dun wan it to end like this... why i made that decision at the very beginning?? i just dun wish to see my mistake again... haiz.... i should've let go it earlier.... it's so hurt now... the wound is still there... it won't just recover like that in just a few days... haiz...

regreted ~

One word and one feeling

today ~ i heard that word quite a few times... when i heard that word, i was thinking lots of things, i really duno how much it affects me... but i always say that to people around me, sometimes i feel guilty...haha... that word is PROMISE.

today,
my perdagangan teacher promised us to bring us go genting if we ALL passed our perdagangan in SPM... stay over 1 night somemore.... haha....i think it could be the motivation to study perdagangan? heh... really wish can hang out with the classmates more...
another teacher of mine, which is my history teacher, she promised us to train us up in our history.... giving us exercises everyday =) which i really hope my history can improve after all this kind of exercises...

after listening to the teachers, i guess i've turned rude?? seriously, not to say blame friends la, but it really affects a lot.... when a friend said a foul language, you dun mind it, end up everyone in the group keep saying foul language... haizz... environmental factor?? that produces variation?? saying foul language?? i guess it's discontinuous bah?? haha....lame~ now i know why a person can be changed so easily....it's all back to friends... luckily i still can control myself from smoking... really hate smokers....but somehow, i have a few close friends that smoke.... haizzz...

and promise?? i duno how many things i've promised.... hong kong disneyland?? taiwan?? a house?? a car?? i really wish i can cheer up everyone around me.... seeing them sad i really duno what to do, especially can see shiny eyes, watery eyes, the little tiny droplets are so hard to control.... just dun like to see ppl around me to cry huh? promising them is the only thing i can do when they're down, and try to do it. but there's someone.... outside there.... i promise anything just to make the world a better place =P

to : those i concern
- must cheer up k?? dun always think of sad things la, dun affect by me =P
- i will try my best to fulfill your wish of my promise la... =)

been thinking lately, is all the gemini playboy?? i've seen many horoscope articles and emails... highest chance of divorce is gemini, most playboy also gemini.... myself, a gemini, suddenly felt i'm so playboy?? but i'm always think that's how making girls laugh... i really duno what else i can do to make them happy... seeing them in such a sad condition really make me feel bad... i just hope they won't fall in me la... =) i'm not a really good guy, maybe just a close friend?? but for now, i guess i'm not a playboy... eheh, she's all over the place... my mind, my imagination world, my dreams, my thoughts, everywhere... really wish i can see her soon =)

It's a new me =)

today... what should happens already happened. what it shouldn't happens, happened also... lolz... but the thing is.... i'm happy with the result tonight =)

i'm gonna change myself....this time is a serious time and no more playing.... during serious time.... haha.... i'm sorry to disappoint those who ADVISED me today in class.... but i'll PROMISE you not to do that again anymore.... i've bolded my PROMISE.....so i'll do it...haha

sorry again...

I'm looking at my past

today, i'm looking backwards... browsing through all my older posts...

i noticed i'm really emo in the old days.... days passed by and times go on.... i think it's a better place to be in now... i can have better view now... it's time to pack up all the feelings and start studying... but 20th October is a special day.... it's a day that's full of feelings... after this 20th October.... i'm gonna blast myself to study at the maximum...

everything has changed~
after 20th of October... i'll let everything be
let it be on their own....

20th October...

hope it's not a bad day la =P

but somehow there's something somewhere giving me a kind of negative aura that tells me it's not going to be a good day.... haiz.... life huh ?

Once in a lifetime ~

once in a lifetime means there's no second chance...
no matter where we're going, it'll starts from where we are...
there's more to life when we listen to our hearts
we're not gonna lose because we get to choose...
that's how it's gonna be
gonna run while we're young.. and keep the faith...

friends ~

just like the bolded line... no matter how much you know that person, it'll end up a stranger to you when something happens... but if you seriously listen to your heart... you're not gonna lose that friend because you get to choose... think of why she/he do that, think of what happened, eventhough if she/he tells you that, "i do it for the money", think of why she/he needs the money?? if it's just for more money or extra income, better delete this person from your life... we have brain and we can think... not just because of words, it'll change everything and views or rather impressions... chances are always given for the 1st time, and once in a lifetime means there's only one chance... and that chance, we should grab it while we can...

immaturity ~

things are not as simple as what you see or what you think... dun be too pure and ask questions like an idiot (sorry for the bads)... like i said, human have brains~ they'll think of lots of thing when it comes to curiousity and it'll leads to immaturity... life's complicated and just like a maze... you can never expect or predict what's gonna happen next... surprises... because of a person's thinking... you won't know what's gonna happen next... everyone's maturity levels are different... dun expect everyone to think the same of yours.... what you think it might be right but for some ppl it can be wrong...

Equations of my conclusion :
1) mature + pure = troubles
2) mature + mature = arguements
3) pure + pure = dream world / full of forgiveness
4) pure + mature = things are well kept

*note : it's not maths equations*
+ means talk to, = means will result in

things happen ~ we can never control ~ depend on how people take it ~ that's why it'll ends up in different ways ~ everything happens for a reason... never blame never complain ~

a word " Promise "

Promise ~

it's a strong word to almost every girl... when you promised them something, make sure you'll do it, because they'll remember it forever...it's some kind of magical word... when you cannot do something, please dun say : i promise you i'll do it, i'll make it or something... dun ever give hope when you know you can't... yar, it's true that you want your love one to know how much you care for her, love her, but if you really cannot do something that she wants you to do, dun promise it... it's something really mean a lot to them.... now i only know how much that " Promise " word affect them... some ppl(not my love one) just keep reminding of what i promised... but most of the promises i made, i really did it... gladness ~

tagged by Stephk
1.What is the relationship of you and her?
- Friends
2. Your 5 impressions towards her?
- Laughter
- Fun girl
- Skinny
- Cool ~
- Sweet
3. The most memorable things she has done for you.
- tag me... haha
4. The most memorable things she have said to you?
- boon khit.... why so quiet??
5. If she becomes your lover, you will...
- try to make myself taller?? haha
6. If she becomes your enemy, you will...
- impossible!! i seldom have enemies (i guess)
7. If she becomes your lover, she has to improve on...
- maybe a lil at the body weight?? too skinny
8. If she becomes your enemy, the reason is...
- no way mann....the word "enemy" is not exist in my dictionary !!
9. The most desirable thing to do on her is?
- hmm...maybe just a lil hug will do.... =)
10. The overall impression of her is...
- loud voice...which make the days noise... not too quiet =P
11. How do you think the people around you will feel about you?
- quiet? boring? maths freak? not leng zai? haha....i think i have no goods
12. The character of you for yourself is?
- being a maths maniac / maths freak >.<
13. On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?
- lazy bum bum
14. The most ideal person that you wanna be is?
- an elder version of myself... =P
15. For the people who care about and likes you, say something about them.
- you know~ i remember everyone in my life and i wanted to let you guys know... each and everyone of you is special in my life and made a difference in my life~ thanks for caring me, really appreciate it

16. 10 frens to tag
(i) Andrea Chang (vi) Tiffany Chang
(ii) Jason Lim (vii) Chun Ming
(iii) Lee Ping (viii) Sook Teng
(iv) Cheow Yuen (ix) Cheau Wei
(v) Rajsingam (x) Lourene

17. Who is no. 2 having a relationship with? (Jason Lim)
- no one....available, single, virgin still~ haha
18. Is no. 3 a male or a female? (Lee Ping)
- female
19. If no. 7 and no. 10 were together, would it be a good thing?(CM and Lourene)
- should be... =)
20. How about no. 5 and no. 8? (Rajasingam and Sook Teng)
- hmm, not sure bout their taste... haha
21. What is no. 1 studying about?(Andrea)
- science and history
22. Is no. 4 single?(Cheow Yuen)
- i think... most probably yes... =)
23. Say something about no. 6 (Tiffany)
- study hard and all the best for your PMR =)

is it a hint ??

i had my weirdest but sweetest dreams yesterday.... it's something connected with what happened yesterday and somehow relate to my dream... she appeared 3 times....for quite a long time.... aha hope to have better dreams =P

9 more days ~

20th of October...

a special day ~

only 1 person know..... because i asked her for some ideas... haha

Gossip Guys ~

woohoo, today finally started to study... actually tuesday started but today also studied la...heh tuesday i studied til 2am you know ?!?!? i studied 7 pages of history for 2 hours !! really everything into my mind d...hehe

today went Centerpoint Mc D.... studied 2 hours?? i can almost master the science main titles d.... like example 3.6 Variation, 4.4 Periodic Table and etc....or like on the left or right page....top/middle/bottom of that page.... i also know d....muahahahhaz and my friend ask me bout Akta Kampung Ulu Burma or something.... i remember it's on the right page of text book, top of the page, first paragraph....end up found it at page 11 !! really right page and top part le...i feel so happy and proud....but i duno the content...haha....so must work very hard for it already =) after studies for 2 hours.... it's GOSSIP TIME ~ ~ ~ haha, talked a lot today.... bout people around and humans....haha

+

also celebrated 2 friends' birthday in school....it was so fun~ creams on the faces~ chocolates on shirts.... haha

gonna push myself to the super limit of science and history....the 2 subject i wish to score the most !!

E²

E² = Eagle Eye ....

hmm, watched it today, it's kinda nice i suppose? haha, i think it's cool but because it's all bout running?? so i find that it's kinda boring?? eheh....that's just my opinion, but i think you guys should watch it, it's a nice movie. hehe go watch it, i dun wanna be a spoiler =P

today in the cinema, i felt kinda weird, like dun like to go cinema anymore... sitting there for 2 hours + + i duno why la, maybe the last 2 times i went with her...that's why feel weird this time?? and the last time... before this Eagle Eye.... got some bad memories in the cinema... those who're close to me they should know what happened in the cinema?? not to say i wan her to be there everytime i go cinema la, but really duno what happened to me, we're humans right?? dun tell me you always know why you're happy or sad, sometimes it just happen like this and there's no reason why~ haiz... cinema... supposingly a place that gives us sweet memories?? duno la, really dun like it... sorry to disappoint those who teman'ed me today... ahah, it's kinda ehem..... boring.... .>.<

improvement of the day ~
- i din point the cinema screen so often already !! i actually counted....today 3 times only, previous movie 16 times !!!
- i din talk much today, only opened my mouth 4 times in the cinema after movie starts, before this more than 10 times !!!
- i smiled to as many ppl i can
- spent the least for 1 day ?? breakfast + lunch + dinner + movie ticket + movie drinks + movie food + taxi to 1u + daytona + pool = only RM37

ok la, not a long post, my mind is out of words already, just dun like to think bout anything anymore at this moment. ahah hope this short post can let you feel how i felt. =)

i'm so out of my mind !!!

love~

something that can hardly last...
you feels great and happy and almost heavenly when you have it or feel it
you feels superbly suckz, depress or sad or like some hell when you lost it
something that can never be controlled.

there's always confusion and illusion in love.
you always doubt when you think bout something.
you always ask when you saw something.
there's always questions and curiosity.

love~
it can be the greatest feeling, the strongest feeling; heavenly
but love~
it can also be the saddest feeling, the worst feeling.

love comes like wind and goes like wind.
natural and unexpected.
you can feel the love just like how you felt the wind.
but you can never grab it.

i duno why i keep thinking bout love this few days... holiday really really boring... haizzz keep thinking thinking and thinking but still no answer.

school life??

i felt so empty without going school everyday, it's like, lack of something in my life.

这个假期真的好漫长，才过了3天，我觉得好想过了3个星期，看不见班上的人，真的好想念上课的日子。看不见她更是让我觉得难受。忽然有种想去学校的感觉。 每天都重复着一样的东西，真的很闷！！

3 days feel like 3 weeks. really miss schooling days. now at home everyday doing the same thing.

可是，看见她也让我觉得怪怪的，在电话上的信息总是那么多东西聊，看见对方竟然没得聊。 第一次聊天时，我们的对话竟然是在聊第三个人。但是我觉得还蛮高兴的，因为她主动和我聊天。喜中有悲。 那晚，我们聊了整个小时，结果竟然不是想象中那么好。但是总比没得聊好。 那晚以后，我们就没有说话了。 我和她就像是信息上的伴而已。认识她就像是命中注定的，我们的见面方式是谁也料不到的。我记得我第一次见到她时是七月四日.

真的不知道没了她的日子会是怎样的？？

真的希望我可以陪她直到永远~~~

i turned naughty??

hmm, this few days keep thinking bout having a life together...

having breakfast together.....doing house core together.... i can even imagine the fun we'll have... i think i'm going insane... keep thinking this and that, always worry this and that... how nice if i could ....

dreaming again~

Dream Vanishment

i had a dream, a dream that i almost make it reality, but it's gone now.

maybe we're fated to be in this way??

i even imagine how it'll be. too bad la >.<

maybe i should find another one??

haha, just trying to confuse you guys. =P

i dun wan my post to be so short so i skip lines.

hmm, dun be happy too early, things might change last minute =(

just like my dream, haiz haiz....it's gone now....

hope it'll come back la, i really hope so

another post of love??

what is love??

i read 3 books bout love today. it states that love is an endless journey like learning new knowledge, it never ends. love is like studies?? you can never finish learning bout it. love is the greatest feeling and the greatest knowledge in life.

love is not showing off how much you can give someone, how much you can do for her, what you can do for her, it's some kind of strong feeling that somehow appear in your heart, you can't find any reason why are you loving someone. because it just happen like this. if you can find a reason why you love someone, that means you're not loving her. haha love and like is different. like is you admire someone's appearance or you're liking their attitude or personalities. a friend of mine duno how to differentiate love and like or jealous and admire.

ok, the 3 books dun really explain bout love but it's just bout the stories that the author been through. sharing their experiences and stuff. but 1 thing, love is not bout remembering how much you gave to the person but appreciate how much the person gave you. dun always think of what you've sacrificed for her but think bout what she had sacrificed for you. kinda saying myself, i noticed it today and i won't do it anymore. dun always put someone you love into some kind of complicated situation. it will never works and make things worse. when you really love someone, you won't bother to own her or control her life but you really care for her. seeing her suffer will make you feel better?? then i dun think that's love. ppl always say love is selfish. but dun over selfish until you sacrificed her feelings la, the war of yours shouldn't include her. sorry, i'm kinda out of topic d. really angry at myself la !

ok, it's really hard for me seeing you like this always. i've been through whatever you're facing. i really know how you felt. and it's really hard for you without anyone's support. there's a reason for my blog title. i dun simply put it just for being emo or ask for sympathise or whatever. i know it's very hard for us to go on like this, but i'm happy because i know you'll remember me. life's never easy. i've been thinking for almost whole day today, you're really in some kind of bad situation with no directions. just like what you said, in the middle of the ocean out of nowhere and no map no island no sun no moon. what also dun hav, no directions at all. and might sink anytime. today i seriously felt it, from what you said today, i'm willing to let you go just to giv you a better life. i dun wan to see you suffer anymore between all of us. i dun wan to care bout how much i've done for you, because you done more than enough. you sacrificed a lot for us and hurt yourself more than anything.

i really cannot stand anymore. you're hurting way too over. if we continue like this, you'll hurt even more. i duno should i let go or not. that's why i'll ask for your thoughts first. but not now la, you can give me answer after prom. since we're facing SPM this year, we should really focus in SPM. i can't really do anything for you. when you're in pain, i can't even make you smile just for a second or at least distract you from feeling the pain. you always think for the others, but you din notice how much you've hurted. i can imagine the pain you're feeling because i'm always around you. even though i know you just for 2 months. but i somehow felt that we've knew each other for long.

一段爱情不应该在乎曾经拥有，而是曾经爱过。至少我知道我曾经在你的心里出现过，这一切就够了。

love shouldn't care bout owning each other before, but at least you know you love her before. at least i know i appeared in your heart and in your life. everything is more than enough.

i dun wan to see you falling in the wrong person.

Sms is a better way??

sms aka short messaging service. ok, few friends of mine said sms is a better way to chat. which i thought so also. cause when you sms, you can't hear or feel the tone of voice which shows the emotions of the person you're communicating. which i think will avoid lots of arguement?? heh i've been messaging for months everyday, my keypad also loose d, today sms half way the keypad come out >.< which my RM160 phone already lasted for 2 years and 4 months d. heh i'm happy with my phone because it can sms fast and i dun need to wait when deleting messages. just that i need to delete 1 by 1 or all at 1 shot. haha

ok, back to sms but not my phone, haha. when i sms, sometimes can feel the person's emotions la. but at least he/she won't explode so easily and blast all the languages to me at 1 shot. they reply slowly expressing their thoughts and feelings, and i'm really bad at talking/comfort by talking. so i prefer to sms lo, many ppl think i'm shy/chicken/no guts or whatever la, but i think i will make things worse if i called them, although they say : you never try, how you'll know the result?? you never know what they're thinking. sometimes, i somehow feel that once i press that send button, i can let go the responsibility, whether they replying me or not also nothing much affected. BUT i think sms is a better way for me to comfort ppl lo, heh =) at least they won't hear my retard voice. which i'm bad at talking.

for those ppl i dun talk much in school or face to face, i can really chat a lot with them using sms. and once again, some ppl ask me to call them. haiz, does calling really matters?? i dun really know because sms always save the day of theirs. why i dun talk to them? A : my english not really good and my chinese isn't good as well. haha so i duno which language to communicate. A2: i'm nervous, which i can hardly control myself from shivering. my lips and legs are shaking like mad. i admit it k? A3 : i'm really bad at giving reaction/responses, even if you talking to me, you'll see me look some other direction every few seconds. because when i look into your eyes, i really duno how to give responses. so dun force me to call anyone until i got the confident to call them on my own k? thank you for your understanding.

haiz~

gerak gempur on 18th & 19th September....

did my science badly and pd ok ok lo

both subject until din study at all.....haha but my science paper 1 improved 3 marks..=.=" teacher say much more easier but i manage to get 3 more corrects than trials only.... 3 careless....or else 41....the other 9 really duno answer....tembak = wrong....haiz haiz.... teacher gave me her reference book yesterday....she really wanted me to get A1 for my science.....somehow felt i've disappointed her... sob sob

bout pd...i'm impress when i can answer it better than trials since trials i got study and i din study for this gerak gempur.... haha.... pd....memorize subject....i'm good at memorizing memories but not words...sobz bad or good memories forever stay in my mind... so i can choose to be happy or suffer lo....but most of the time suffering cause bad memories always stronger than good memories if i'm in bad mood. sob sob

really disappoint myself....exam din do well, create problems somemore... dammit

staying so far really not convenient, wanna go where also cannot, if drive car waste petrol somemore, haiz haiz.... not to say i can drive d but still~ argh....

thinking too much ?

duno why i've been having nightmares for days

everytime dream bout i kena rob and have a scar that is around 20cm long on my right arm.

and i keep reflashing back saturday night. why din i hold her when she drop? haiz

i could have save her from falling.

sob sob sob

tears almost everyday

cry for nothing =(

have i gone bad for a day??

i'm glad that you talked to me today, you let me know how childish i was.

everyone in this whole wide world has their own friends. in any relationships there is always one word 'trust'. if one of your friend share with you one or more of his/her secrets, that means he/she trust you and you shouldn't betray this trust he/she has in you. friends should always be there for each other. you should always be a good listener and try to console them or giving useful advises if they need to share their problems or feelings with you. friends should always respect and be frank to each other. this is important because this could prevent any misunderstandings between each other. you should always feel proud whenever your friends are doing well instead of being jealous. you should always forgive and forget each other's wrong doing instead of harbouring the feeling of hatreds. all humans being need friends. friends are important because they can lighten our burdens,be good listener to our problems,a shoulder to lean on or give us a helping hand.

i'm so evil, i've destroyed the trust you got in me. seriously, when i stay your house, i din plan anything. until the day, i was super down until i feels like destroying things. i even made him and the sister argued. and i told her something bad bout you. ya, maybe i've gone bad for a day. just 1 day, i destroyed everything. the trust, the bond, the memories, the reputation, the impression, the thoughts, everything destroyed in my hand in just a day. i dun ask for forgiveness because i know i'm way too over and ridiculous. but thanks, you willing to come over and talk to me. i already expressed whatever was in my mind. now it's all cleared. i'm so so so no mood on that day, + some motivations, i did something really bad huh? sorry dude. i din expect i'm that kind of lousy person who will be controlled by emotions. anyway, it's all over. today i've answered all your questions honestly. but you say you'll strengthen yourself to fight me if i really wan to play, obviously i dun wish for you do that. in fact, i really hope you'll strengthen yourself to fight the future but not me. but if fight me really can make your results improve, i dun mind. all i wanted for so long is you to change. the 2 weeks are not fake. i really wish you learn something. 2 weeks not long but not short either, the memories in between will stay in my mind forever. you doubt me because i really did something bad that spoilt your impression on me. only 1 day, i did those things. not for long.

if you would trust me for the last time, i have to tell you, i have no plans at all but just a big mistake i did on that day. i dun do things continuously just to finish 1 thing. just like studies, i won't waste hours on the book just to make myself satisfy on my own result. i'll do it fast and simple. you've seen how i studied. i hate planning also, that's why my essays are so messy and lack of points. cause i dun plan. it's up to you to believe me or not. just dun wan everyone to fight because of something. of course i dun expect you to forgive me now and 100%. but just hope your anger/doubt will go off and the trust will be back as the time passes.

i'm sorry for whatever i've done. this will be the one and only one and the last mistake i do. good luck for your exam

it's never too late

love~

last sunday 7th september, i went to see a play bout love de, there's many types of love as you know, between family~ father mother sister brother, father and daughter, mother and son and etc la, and love between friends

after watching that play, i learnt lots of things. there's so many situations happening around us. heh. and got 1 scene i nearly cry!! tears running around in the eye but din manage to leak out... muahaha... lolz, after seeing the play i got plenty stuff to blog about one, but now i almost forgot everything liaoz... haha will blog back if i remember =P

haiz, this few days dun really feel nice, everyone is so weird. like suddenly all in desperations. this and that la, gossips around, made him and her guilty la, him and him argued la, this and that. friends turned out to be enemy, classmates turned out to be enemy too. haha everything started with attitude. attitude is very important in our life. because that's what represents your personalities and the life you're facing.

ok, after 2 days of thinking, i remember liaoz !! muahahahz

ok, love is not how much you gave to the person. love = you dun remember how much you gave or sacrifice and dun expecting anything in return, because you just wan them to be loved or safe. love is also not about desperation being in a relationship. when you love someone, doesn't mean you have to own him/her or coupling with him/her. i guess everyone know this, the sad thing is not knowing the person you love is unhappy but it's she/he is unhappy with you. your desperation will make him/her run away. eventhough you know she likes you and you like her, but if she's not ready for any relationship, what for forcing her?? i know some ppl say : when girls say no, means yes. they dun wan to be in relationship = they want?? not really sure right? but when you notice the person you really love is unhappy with you, that's the time you should let go lo. what for keep forcing ppl to like you back?? you think you've sacrifice a lot?? please think with that brain you have la. dun keep it and let grasses grow on it !!

haiz~ hey dude, when you see ppl dun wan to talk to you then stop talking la !! you're so damm annoying la~ always duno when to stop talking, i know you're concern bout her and stuff but can't you see she's avoiding you?? she dun wan to talk to you la!! when she feels like talking to you she will talk, you keep forcing her just make her hate you more. everytime also like that... it irritates me !! damm~ STOP FORCING LA..... what the fish mann, damm it !!

A memorable day~

woohoo, today went out for a movie "Money not enough II", really love it... i learnt lots of lessons from this movie...

ok, a few friends of mine can't really understand the movie because like 60% of the time they speak hokkien !! yar!! hokkien !! i love the way they speak mann, my hokkien i can't speak so well...haha and that yan yan(in the movie), she speak hokkien really funny...i wish to have such a wife also la, she's so understanding and love the husband so much, i really wish there's someone outside can love me so much and care for me that much. but of course, i won't allow her to sacrifice for me la, go in to jail for 1 year and the license kena charged. what kind of husband is that !! haha, and i can't believe i actually cried in the movie... really touching... seeing that 3 sons made me thought of a few friends of mine....how they treated their parents even there's nothing wrong... haiz duno why such people exist also, do they even think for the family?? it's their mother wei, one and only one. forever is their mother also ma, why they treated their mother like rubbish, 1 put her outside toilet, 1 put her inside toilet !! i was like wtf seeing they all doing that wei. but duno la... it's a REALITY show ma, many family also like that de.

got a part of the movie come out one hokkien song, i really like that song. and my mood also changed because of that song, my friend looking me with some kind of weird look, like omg!! you know how to sing hokkien songs?? haha, and i told him i can understand 5 languages fully and some part of 3 languages. muahahaz total 8 le....gg le?? muahahahahz

wish i can still hang out like this after spm cause i kena NS !! sobz haiz haiz....NS !! haha, dun really hate it but dun really like it either... haha anywayz, it's my fate getting in NS...so what to do?? just have to follow lo.... for so many years i still believe in everything happen for a reason... haha.... secondary school life and living at people's house made me learnt lots of things and know how to think better now =P thanks for everything, thanks to everyone that appeared and those who supported me all the time or teman me all the time all the day and night... and thanks to those who made my life special =P feel odd le?? haha, duno what happened to me today =P

It's never been easy for me

if you notice, haha, i'm thinking something all the time... somehow i think that if i'm thinking something i won't waste my time even i'm walking on the road... =) i used my brain fully until i'm so free to calculate the cars and traffics on the road.

everyone around me always teach me what to do and what i should do until i'm like this now. heh. ppl always teach me dun bully girls, dun scold girls, dun beat girls, until now... i really appreciate what they taught me. made me such a good boy now.. haha if i'm really stubborn that time, i really duno what am i gonna be now cause last time in kindergarden i always bully girls, they hit me, i hit them back =) haha.... now it's impossible for you to see me beat girls mann. if i beat, that means i need someone to bring me back to my positive side... haha

ok, today i did a very very good thing. i changed my friend's room into a study room. haha ...before this really cannot study... haha.... clothes like mountains in the room, dust like carbon dioxide, all around the room. haha time to study =P

that's all for now..

good luck to everyone's trials =P

lolz, what a lucky day of mine

haha, today!! i got bitten by a dog !! sob sob

at first it just barking at me, then it bite me !! maybe the owner scolded him because of me, then he bo song me and bite me!! hahaha dogs are like humans, they have feelings too...i wonder why got ppl have pets when they dun like pets....

ok, after i got bitten, i tried to understand dogs more... so i went to search for some articles... =) got 1 article really made me felt better, haha...

it written : when the owner tamed his/her dog to bark at strangers, it will bark at anyone no matter the person is good or bad ones, and if when it's barking, the owner shout at it, it will have the tendency to bite the stranger.

so, same like the top one, maybe the dog bo song me!! haha cause the owner scolded him because of us. heh and because i'm at the front, that's why i got bitten. haha. ok, after that when i'm sitting in her room, the dog like very active and keep walking around, haha... then i notice he's quite tired lo, the other 2 keep talking, then i try to make the dog sleep lo.. heh and he really sleep !! haha, at first i ask him to sit, using my hand not my mouth....somehow my hand's movement made him sat down, haha. then i try to change a bit, to make him lie down and sleep, it really lie down and sleep. wakkakaka

i duno why, since young always got small kids laugh at me de.... when i'm trying to be serious and scolding them, they always laugh at me. do i have a funny face when i'm serious?? a few friends of mine also laugh when i'm serious. i really hope i can help ppl de lo, i'm trying my best to tell them almost everything. i did my best la !! sometimes really heart pain and feels like crying when no one really cares what i'm talking. when i talk, they say ok ok ok ok, few days later, repeating the same thing again and again.

duno what to blog, moodless, aha not moody but duno why no mood....=P

Blogging while exam =P

today exam was just fine. chinese can't finish and bm can't finish. hahahahahha

okok, dun talk bout exams. talk bout the fun of the day =)
went petaling street with jermaine and king sum... first time in my life... so excited and like a kampung boy... look damm retard and like a brainless guy, apa pun tak tahu. haha
starting quite ok de, just drizzling, small little tiny rain drops only..haha we walk and walk and walk, searching for the jacket shop that jermaine wanted to look for. haha half way walking, a guy come over : hey, leng zai, wanna buy dvd or not?? we shake our heads. then that guy totally changed his tone of voice and say : ham dai mou?? ham dai ham dai....i was like wtf ! then he keep following us as if all the teenagers are polluted...haha after a short while he stopped following us, so glad that he stopped, ahhaha

ok! found the jacket shop! haha quite nice la... feel like getting one but i got no money and dun feel like asking them to pay for me first, heh. scared later i cannot pay back them then cham lo, owe ppl money very cham de, you know ?!?!?! haiz... heh, after getting jacket they go get watch. try to KILL PRICE (cantonese) haha but can't cause it's raining like mad, he also lowered the price to the lowest. haha end up they bought 2 watches. heh. same thing, feel like getting one but dun wan to spend my money lo..hehe only 100 bucks for 5 days, breakfast lunch dinner supper then i wanna cut my hair somemore. really dulan when everyone around keep saying : your hair damm curly, macam **** hair. i damm dulan !!! really bo song. haiz they watch porn too much and keep seeing something they shouldn't see. so sad right?? polluted teenagers... haiz pity them, now this king sum laughing like mad when i'm blogging....haiyo...cannot stop d, the nerve goes up to his brain d !! can't stop laughing haha

how ah?!?!? so stress !! why i cannot talk to girls de?? i feel so pressured when i'm facing a girl and i cannot talk to them very well.

hey, stop asking why my blog only words, i already stated !!~ my blog JUST WORDS !!! if you dun like it just click the cross at the top right corner of your screen. =) if you like it i really appreciate it, thank you...muackzzz... hahahah

Finally~

woohoo, finally i can stay somewhere near dj already, haha but just for few weeks or few days, haha

i really wish that i could stay somewhere around dj until the SPM ends because i really can't concentrate at my own house now.... haha addicted to games and play everyday, omg, haha when i'm at my friend's house at least i know how to behave myself and not play games all the time. =)

tomorrow i'm having bm and chinese. haiz, like 1 whole year din write chinese essay d, now tomorrow i'm having my chinese essay paper. haha hope i can do it well... heh as for bm, not really need to work hard cause normally i already paid attentions in class, haha, so dun really need to study really hard. haiz

ok la, blog next time, no idea to blog anything now =)

2 Options?

many ppl say our mood of the day is decided ourselves. whether we wan to be happy or depress. 2 options. of course many ppl want to be happy. even i do.

but everytime when you made the decision, there's always something happens and spoil your mood. which i dun really like it. i believe no one like it too. i tried my hardest to tell myself, no matter what happened, just think of forgiving. forgiveness is forever the greatest gift. because of 1 forgiveness, you could change someone's life forever. but for some ppl, the more you forgive the more action he/she is. because they think that whatever they did wrong, ppl will forgive them. sometimes, when you really feel like forgiving someone, when you think there's still hope in him/her, they will break your hopes. they just wanna be what they are.

i was so so so so angry, i'm trying my hardest to forgive whatever was wrong, and try to make it right. but why they must destroy what i'm having. which is the trust i had in them. now it's very hard for me to trust anyone anymore. they betrayed me again and again. what's the point having faith in between when they dun even appreciate it? what's the point of forgiving if they never change? what's the point forgiving them again and again and again just to let them repeat their mistakes?? do you know how sad am i when i've already forgiven someone but i'm still the one who got blamed? when i found someone who i can really trusted, i really feel like telling her everything i'm feeling or facing, but just dun wan to make her sad or guilty lo or really helpless seeing me like that. everyday every night every moment i'm thinking, should i continue what i am doing?? keep forgiving?? i've seen so many ppl keep repeating their mistakes, once~ twice~ thrice~ more than you could imagine. it's not just some small matters that no one care, i do care but i can do nothing.

i really admire a friend, he can be so tough and strong. maybe our living backgrounds are different. he can act like nothing is happening eventhough something really serious happened. but i still manage to see he's in problem la =) no one can hide their true feeling fully. but what he's doing is already great enough, super tough mann. i just can't do like how he did. haiz, most of the time i feel like exploding, sometimes even shouted in a wide field. because there, no one will care what i'm doing. but seriously, in school, no one will care also de la, how can they be so pure and naive?? din talk means emo?? talk much means happy?? where got such thing.... sometimes ppl din talk because they're being serious, sometimes ppl talk much because they're trying to avoid their problems.... why must ppl look things physically?? why must ppl look things with their eyes?? when you're around your friend, feel it mann, try to feel how they felt, dun just talk base on what you saw. sometimes what you saw is not the truth. just learn to look with your heart sometimes. =) you'll learn something new.

A Cloudless Night and A Starless Midnight

haha, today, attending rebecca's birthday party, haha

at first still very semangat and play like an idiot. haha after a short while, i duno why i like totally moodless, and i duno what i really wanna do at that moment, haha. i keep thinking and thinking and i look at the sky also, haha, time passes very fast.... and i manage to see a cloudless night and a starless midnight... haha if you notice, tonight only have 2 stars on the sky, 1 is bright while another is dimm. haha.. duno what does it mean also...sobz sobz

just so out of mood and really dun feel like playing at 1 moment, duno what happened also..haha
i try to drown myself with all my problems and i really duno what to do.... haiz..... until i sing out loud, haha. i really felt better after singing, some ppl say happy is the best medicine. haha when i sing i feel happy, and all my problems like sudden gone. haha. really feel so nice....sobz

many ppl keep comfort me but they duno what's happening cause myself also duno what is happening. haha. how could they know when myself dun even know....i just so mood out until i blog now. haha. i keep looking at the sky, like looking at my own past, everything keep flashing back. i duno why i've done so many idiot mistakes that i shouldn't do.

my mom said, our life's short. how many 10 years can you live?? i lived for only 1 10 years. causing so many problems d.... always argue with friends and fight with friends. my mom also said, meeting a friend is my fate. i should appreciate it cause we're arranged to meet each other. after thinking a short while, i think maybe i should think that way, i have so many friends caring for me. but duno la, sometimes some friends really make me like high blood pressure, headache and stuff. sometimes i really worry bout their life or rather future. they keep acting in a way that is abnormal. everyone knows and they ALL felt the same. they should really change their attitude. sobz felt so helpless at 1 moment and i really did my best on helping them and telling them what to do. wasted more than 10 hours lecturing a friend, teaching him how to study and stuff, end up, his own effort cannot be seen, still getting bad results, everyone has their problems, but dun bring it to your exam field la, it will affect everything. your result, your family, your life, future, just everything. dun giv excuses that you dun hav mood to study due to what's happening around. the other one, like dun treat ppl as friends, like living in his own world, when he needs them, call them out or ask them for help, when he dun need them, just ignore them. whenever he do something, it's like 1 out of 10000 things, he will think wisely? everytime ppl say bout his mistakes, angry like no one care. when he got blamed, also angry like no one care. keep exploding like a endless dynamite. if he notice someone saying his mistakes, he will hate that person. so sad huh?

for some ppl, they really face lots of problems, i duno why they're treated that way, but there must be a reason why is happening. i've seen many type of family, just duno why can't every family be the same... haha my brother could lend me a shoes that he, himself also haven wear because i'm going for a birthday party. but i can see my friend's sister stealing her birthday present, a pair of shoes just for an interview, interview only see your resume and your face(maybe), why you need to take ppl's shoes?? birthday present somemore. but maybe she's really desperate?? i dun really know what she's thinking. haha but i dun feel that her way of doing it is correct. but !! family ma, they should think for the siblings also ma, how often you receive a birthday present? did you felt before when your birthday present got stolen when you, yourself dun even have the chance to get the first try? i can't really know how it feels but from my friend's expression, i think it really suckz. cause i seldom receive birthday present also, always go out for a dinner or get ang paus or a cake lo. din really receive a PRESENT before. maybe young that time got la, cause i can't really remember what happened when i was young. ahah

maybe i'm a bad friend? always back stabbing ppl? i duno why, YAR ! i dun have the guts the say in front of you. because if i say in front of you, it will make you shameful or something?? if i express it here at least not the whole school knows?? i duno la, just dun feel like anyone understand me?? whatever i did seems to be wrong? just feel so so so not nice

Blame or to be blamed?

today is the 5th day of holiday and it's my 3rd day of having tuition.

the day started with my waking up late. haha, set alarm 7am but woke up at 730...=.=" totally can't hear the alarm. haha my mom woke me up as usual lo....
in the office, i took a short nap somewhere around 8am~9am...haha my teacher called me and say today's tuition for my class still on, but for her other classes all cancelled.

around 1045am, a friend of mine called me and say my class cancelled also, and ask me to inform everyone. i thought teacher told him last min, then i ask him to confirm with teacher. 10 mins later he called me again and say it's a confirm cancel d. so i inform almost half class of mine and he inform the other half. failed to contact 2 ppl, and we actually forgot another person. so sorry brother!! you always absent in tuition until i almost forgot bout you. XD

after that, this forgotten friend called me, why we ALL din go tuition?? our class din cancel. haiz

haiz, end up, luckily teacher is replacing it back.

when i call
forgotten friend : keep scolding like no one care, and whatever i said, he also reply it's not an excuse and bla bla bla
the one who informed me : keep saying, blame me la blame me la

end up i was so angry and upset. why it ended this way!!

this forgotten friend should thank me cause he got an extra class !! and he's like saying all that because it's my fault.

and the other guy asked me to STFU because i'm not in that kind of situation.

i keep wonder and wonder. what's the worst situation he could ever be in?

keep saying until like ppl din face problems before. everyone faces problems ok? and this is just a small matter, you wan everyone to hate you?? ppl scold you for your good. can't you take it as a lesson? must think that ppl hate you or what so ever?? ppl is telling your mistakes because they CARE FOR YOU. dun just simply scold you. if they really dun care, they won't even bother to scold you. what for wasting their energy and saliva?? think la PLEASE !!!!

you just keep saying bout yourself. did you think how guilty am i ? and did you think on my side?? you think you're the only one to be blamed ah?? i know my mistake by not confirming it with teacher. but you should know too. if you really continue this way, it's very hard for you to succeed in life mann. even if you succeed, you won't get any true friends. i'm serious and trying to give you advice. if you dun care, dun bother, i can do nothing else. i did my best to help you. sorry to say that, i'm not thinking i'm the best or what so example to follow, just learn from mistake please. keep blaming ppl or yourself is not a way.

if you wanna blame me, just blame la. i know my mistake. but please la, forgotten friend~ dun simply scold me like shit can or not?? it's not 100% my fault, aiyo!!

why life have to be so complicated??

lolz, awarenes

haha, i just notice i'm those really hot tempered ppl mann.
almost everyday i scolded ppl, haiz

but today, i realise something, whenever i scold, i'm scolding for their own good. but i used the wrong way. haha. maybe that's why they never learn. today art class, our art teacher scolded us for reaching art room late for 30 minutes. which is almost 1 period already. before that i keep scolding and rushing the classmates to line up and go to the room, but everyone just dun bother what i say and ignore me, keep talking, talking, talking like no one care. i know many ppl hate seni, but since we're taking it already, do it with our best la. it's not i'm emo or angry, i'm just doing my job ok?? i need to lock up the class room, that's why i'm always the last student. i really cannot stand anymore mann.

at least i know next time when i wanna tell them something, i should tell in a super polite way. =)

and i just realise i need to change all my passwords, she's no longer here. no point putting her name anymore. i think i'm kinda stupid when i think back how crazy i am bout her. almost thinking her every seconds. haiz, now... everything is gone. although i dun get to have her in my life, but i know and i'm glad to meet her in my life. everyone is special and i'll remember everyone =) so ya, time to change passwords =) it will take me a long time mann, more than 5 accounts is her name...haha....