Blogging while exam =P

today exam was just fine. chinese can't finish and bm can't finish. hahahahahha

okok, dun talk bout exams. talk bout the fun of the day =)
went petaling street with jermaine and king sum... first time in my life... so excited and like a kampung boy... look damm retard and like a brainless guy, apa pun tak tahu. haha
starting quite ok de, just drizzling, small little tiny rain drops only..haha we walk and walk and walk, searching for the jacket shop that jermaine wanted to look for. haha half way walking, a guy come over : hey, leng zai, wanna buy dvd or not?? we shake our heads. then that guy totally changed his tone of voice and say : ham dai mou?? ham dai ham dai....i was like wtf ! then he keep following us as if all the teenagers are polluted...haha after a short while he stopped following us, so glad that he stopped, ahhaha

ok! found the jacket shop! haha quite nice la... feel like getting one but i got no money and dun feel like asking them to pay for me first, heh. scared later i cannot pay back them then cham lo, owe ppl money very cham de, you know ?!?!?! haiz... heh, after getting jacket they go get watch. try to KILL PRICE (cantonese) haha but can't cause it's raining like mad, he also lowered the price to the lowest. haha end up they bought 2 watches. heh. same thing, feel like getting one but dun wan to spend my money lo..hehe only 100 bucks for 5 days, breakfast lunch dinner supper then i wanna cut my hair somemore. really dulan when everyone around keep saying : your hair damm curly, macam **** hair. i damm dulan !!! really bo song. haiz they watch porn too much and keep seeing something they shouldn't see. so sad right?? polluted teenagers... haiz pity them, now this king sum laughing like mad when i'm blogging....haiyo...cannot stop d, the nerve goes up to his brain d !! can't stop laughing haha

how ah?!?!? so stress !! why i cannot talk to girls de?? i feel so pressured when i'm facing a girl and i cannot talk to them very well.

hey, stop asking why my blog only words, i already stated !!~ my blog JUST WORDS !!! if you dun like it just click the cross at the top right corner of your screen. =) if you like it i really appreciate it, thank you...muackzzz... hahahah

Finally~

woohoo, finally i can stay somewhere near dj already, haha but just for few weeks or few days, haha

i really wish that i could stay somewhere around dj until the SPM ends because i really can't concentrate at my own house now.... haha addicted to games and play everyday, omg, haha when i'm at my friend's house at least i know how to behave myself and not play games all the time. =)

tomorrow i'm having bm and chinese. haiz, like 1 whole year din write chinese essay d, now tomorrow i'm having my chinese essay paper. haha hope i can do it well... heh as for bm, not really need to work hard cause normally i already paid attentions in class, haha, so dun really need to study really hard. haiz

ok la, blog next time, no idea to blog anything now =)

2 Options?

many ppl say our mood of the day is decided ourselves. whether we wan to be happy or depress. 2 options. of course many ppl want to be happy. even i do.

but everytime when you made the decision, there's always something happens and spoil your mood. which i dun really like it. i believe no one like it too. i tried my hardest to tell myself, no matter what happened, just think of forgiving. forgiveness is forever the greatest gift. because of 1 forgiveness, you could change someone's life forever. but for some ppl, the more you forgive the more action he/she is. because they think that whatever they did wrong, ppl will forgive them. sometimes, when you really feel like forgiving someone, when you think there's still hope in him/her, they will break your hopes. they just wanna be what they are.

i was so so so so angry, i'm trying my hardest to forgive whatever was wrong, and try to make it right. but why they must destroy what i'm having. which is the trust i had in them. now it's very hard for me to trust anyone anymore. they betrayed me again and again. what's the point having faith in between when they dun even appreciate it? what's the point of forgiving if they never change? what's the point forgiving them again and again and again just to let them repeat their mistakes?? do you know how sad am i when i've already forgiven someone but i'm still the one who got blamed? when i found someone who i can really trusted, i really feel like telling her everything i'm feeling or facing, but just dun wan to make her sad or guilty lo or really helpless seeing me like that. everyday every night every moment i'm thinking, should i continue what i am doing?? keep forgiving?? i've seen so many ppl keep repeating their mistakes, once~ twice~ thrice~ more than you could imagine. it's not just some small matters that no one care, i do care but i can do nothing.

i really admire a friend, he can be so tough and strong. maybe our living backgrounds are different. he can act like nothing is happening eventhough something really serious happened. but i still manage to see he's in problem la =) no one can hide their true feeling fully. but what he's doing is already great enough, super tough mann. i just can't do like how he did. haiz, most of the time i feel like exploding, sometimes even shouted in a wide field. because there, no one will care what i'm doing. but seriously, in school, no one will care also de la, how can they be so pure and naive?? din talk means emo?? talk much means happy?? where got such thing.... sometimes ppl din talk because they're being serious, sometimes ppl talk much because they're trying to avoid their problems.... why must ppl look things physically?? why must ppl look things with their eyes?? when you're around your friend, feel it mann, try to feel how they felt, dun just talk base on what you saw. sometimes what you saw is not the truth. just learn to look with your heart sometimes. =) you'll learn something new.

A Cloudless Night and A Starless Midnight

haha, today, attending rebecca's birthday party, haha

at first still very semangat and play like an idiot. haha after a short while, i duno why i like totally moodless, and i duno what i really wanna do at that moment, haha. i keep thinking and thinking and i look at the sky also, haha, time passes very fast.... and i manage to see a cloudless night and a starless midnight... haha if you notice, tonight only have 2 stars on the sky, 1 is bright while another is dimm. haha.. duno what does it mean also...sobz sobz

just so out of mood and really dun feel like playing at 1 moment, duno what happened also..haha
i try to drown myself with all my problems and i really duno what to do.... haiz..... until i sing out loud, haha. i really felt better after singing, some ppl say happy is the best medicine. haha when i sing i feel happy, and all my problems like sudden gone. haha. really feel so nice....sobz

many ppl keep comfort me but they duno what's happening cause myself also duno what is happening. haha. how could they know when myself dun even know....i just so mood out until i blog now. haha. i keep looking at the sky, like looking at my own past, everything keep flashing back. i duno why i've done so many idiot mistakes that i shouldn't do.

my mom said, our life's short. how many 10 years can you live?? i lived for only 1 10 years. causing so many problems d.... always argue with friends and fight with friends. my mom also said, meeting a friend is my fate. i should appreciate it cause we're arranged to meet each other. after thinking a short while, i think maybe i should think that way, i have so many friends caring for me. but duno la, sometimes some friends really make me like high blood pressure, headache and stuff. sometimes i really worry bout their life or rather future. they keep acting in a way that is abnormal. everyone knows and they ALL felt the same. they should really change their attitude. sobz felt so helpless at 1 moment and i really did my best on helping them and telling them what to do. wasted more than 10 hours lecturing a friend, teaching him how to study and stuff, end up, his own effort cannot be seen, still getting bad results, everyone has their problems, but dun bring it to your exam field la, it will affect everything. your result, your family, your life, future, just everything. dun giv excuses that you dun hav mood to study due to what's happening around. the other one, like dun treat ppl as friends, like living in his own world, when he needs them, call them out or ask them for help, when he dun need them, just ignore them. whenever he do something, it's like 1 out of 10000 things, he will think wisely? everytime ppl say bout his mistakes, angry like no one care. when he got blamed, also angry like no one care. keep exploding like a endless dynamite. if he notice someone saying his mistakes, he will hate that person. so sad huh?

for some ppl, they really face lots of problems, i duno why they're treated that way, but there must be a reason why is happening. i've seen many type of family, just duno why can't every family be the same... haha my brother could lend me a shoes that he, himself also haven wear because i'm going for a birthday party. but i can see my friend's sister stealing her birthday present, a pair of shoes just for an interview, interview only see your resume and your face(maybe), why you need to take ppl's shoes?? birthday present somemore. but maybe she's really desperate?? i dun really know what she's thinking. haha but i dun feel that her way of doing it is correct. but !! family ma, they should think for the siblings also ma, how often you receive a birthday present? did you felt before when your birthday present got stolen when you, yourself dun even have the chance to get the first try? i can't really know how it feels but from my friend's expression, i think it really suckz. cause i seldom receive birthday present also, always go out for a dinner or get ang paus or a cake lo. din really receive a PRESENT before. maybe young that time got la, cause i can't really remember what happened when i was young. ahah

maybe i'm a bad friend? always back stabbing ppl? i duno why, YAR ! i dun have the guts the say in front of you. because if i say in front of you, it will make you shameful or something?? if i express it here at least not the whole school knows?? i duno la, just dun feel like anyone understand me?? whatever i did seems to be wrong? just feel so so so not nice

Blame or to be blamed?

today is the 5th day of holiday and it's my 3rd day of having tuition.

the day started with my waking up late. haha, set alarm 7am but woke up at 730...=.=" totally can't hear the alarm. haha my mom woke me up as usual lo....
in the office, i took a short nap somewhere around 8am~9am...haha my teacher called me and say today's tuition for my class still on, but for her other classes all cancelled.

around 1045am, a friend of mine called me and say my class cancelled also, and ask me to inform everyone. i thought teacher told him last min, then i ask him to confirm with teacher. 10 mins later he called me again and say it's a confirm cancel d. so i inform almost half class of mine and he inform the other half. failed to contact 2 ppl, and we actually forgot another person. so sorry brother!! you always absent in tuition until i almost forgot bout you. XD

after that, this forgotten friend called me, why we ALL din go tuition?? our class din cancel. haiz

haiz, end up, luckily teacher is replacing it back.

when i call
forgotten friend : keep scolding like no one care, and whatever i said, he also reply it's not an excuse and bla bla bla
the one who informed me : keep saying, blame me la blame me la

end up i was so angry and upset. why it ended this way!!

this forgotten friend should thank me cause he got an extra class !! and he's like saying all that because it's my fault.

and the other guy asked me to STFU because i'm not in that kind of situation.

i keep wonder and wonder. what's the worst situation he could ever be in?

keep saying until like ppl din face problems before. everyone faces problems ok? and this is just a small matter, you wan everyone to hate you?? ppl scold you for your good. can't you take it as a lesson? must think that ppl hate you or what so ever?? ppl is telling your mistakes because they CARE FOR YOU. dun just simply scold you. if they really dun care, they won't even bother to scold you. what for wasting their energy and saliva?? think la PLEASE !!!!

you just keep saying bout yourself. did you think how guilty am i ? and did you think on my side?? you think you're the only one to be blamed ah?? i know my mistake by not confirming it with teacher. but you should know too. if you really continue this way, it's very hard for you to succeed in life mann. even if you succeed, you won't get any true friends. i'm serious and trying to give you advice. if you dun care, dun bother, i can do nothing else. i did my best to help you. sorry to say that, i'm not thinking i'm the best or what so example to follow, just learn from mistake please. keep blaming ppl or yourself is not a way.

if you wanna blame me, just blame la. i know my mistake. but please la, forgotten friend~ dun simply scold me like shit can or not?? it's not 100% my fault, aiyo!!

why life have to be so complicated??

lolz, awarenes

haha, i just notice i'm those really hot tempered ppl mann.
almost everyday i scolded ppl, haiz

but today, i realise something, whenever i scold, i'm scolding for their own good. but i used the wrong way. haha. maybe that's why they never learn. today art class, our art teacher scolded us for reaching art room late for 30 minutes. which is almost 1 period already. before that i keep scolding and rushing the classmates to line up and go to the room, but everyone just dun bother what i say and ignore me, keep talking, talking, talking like no one care. i know many ppl hate seni, but since we're taking it already, do it with our best la. it's not i'm emo or angry, i'm just doing my job ok?? i need to lock up the class room, that's why i'm always the last student. i really cannot stand anymore mann.

at least i know next time when i wanna tell them something, i should tell in a super polite way. =)

and i just realise i need to change all my passwords, she's no longer here. no point putting her name anymore. i think i'm kinda stupid when i think back how crazy i am bout her. almost thinking her every seconds. haiz, now... everything is gone. although i dun get to have her in my life, but i know and i'm glad to meet her in my life. everyone is special and i'll remember everyone =) so ya, time to change passwords =) it will take me a long time mann, more than 5 accounts is her name...haha....

i felt guilty and retarded

i feel guilty for someone who always try to find a topic and talk to me, but i've been ignoring for quite a long time d. my friends say i'm too kind, always bother stuff that i shouldn't bother. end up, i'm the one who suffer. because i feel bad when someone is trying to talk to me bout their things and i'm ignoring them. but then i decided to ignore her d. sorry to say la, i din mean to hurt you but i seriously cannot take it anymore. even i din reply your message you're still messaging me.

but on the other side, i feel really happy when she(different person already, not the above one) message me. i duno why but the topic she talks about, i always feel comfortable to reply. unlike the other one, keep asking bout my personal life de. haiz

oh! i felt that myself is kinda retard, mentally retarded. it's like, hardly for me to really make decisions. i always thought i'm one of those who fall in love quickly and easily, and give a lot in a relationship and dun expect much in return. but actually, i just noticed that i'm a person who fall in love quite hard, giv quite a lot in a relationship and expecting something in return. eventhough i'm saying i'm not expecting anything, but i noticed it d. haiz. sometimes i really wonder how can ppl just started a relationship so easily and when they break up, they're like din feel anything?? maybe that's what so called puppy love?? some relationship that can never last. sometimes i think myself is someone who really think way too far. now, i even thought of buying a house for her already. haha i always dream and dream, always never come true.

this few days i kinda depress also, knowing too much things. it's like i wanna talk bout him cannot, wanna talk bout her also cannot. cannot talk him in front of her and talk bout her in front of him?? i really scared i say something wrong and ppl will hate me for the rest of their life. that's why i'm trying to be the very best friend i could. i dun wan to disappoint ppl. sometimes i think that i'm way too kind, giving so many chances to ppl. but i really can do nothing anymore because they never learn. then i'll be evil. hating them, hurting them and stuff. which is what i feel like changing la... sometimes really cannot control that kind of feeling. like today, he just whack me for no reason, and i really piss off, i did something immature, which is hitting him back. ahah and he hit back me again....then i stopped, cause i dun feel that by whacking him i can feel happier.

and sometimes, i feel like i've let go many chances. i always like or really in love with someone but i never go for them. because i always afraid of rejections. i got rejected twice in my life. which took me around 4 months to recover from both rejections. cause i really can't take it easy. i always giv too much in something and expecting something with a high hope. that's why i'm the one who always got hurt. according to horoscope, not just daily but generally, gemini's plan always never go well. haha that's why if you have any party or gathering, dun ask gemini to plan k?? their plans always never go like how it was planned. no matter how hard i tried, the one i like will never like me. it's either they hated me a lot or they're too close to me. it's totally opposite.

there was once that a girl say to me : i have kinda good feeling on you, maybe you can try to impress me. end up i failed and we became good friends, haha. she always giv me advice on how to get close to girls. but as i said, hard for geminis to plan something. when i plan, i never get the result i wanted/wished. and i always fail to get a girl, sometimes i feel i kinda desparate to know how it feels when you're really in love with someone and she loves you too. i duno why, lots of ppl dun believe that i'm still having my first kiss and i never couple before. haha. i think sometimes i look like those brainless gangster, living on the earth without direction. duno what's my aim or my target living on earth. it's like i like someone i never go for her, i wanna do something so badly but i never did it.

and 1 more thing, in chinese we say 男人不坏，女人不爱。which means if guys are not naughty, girls won't like them. it's kinda hard for me to bully someone i like right?? but when i see some couple can be like so close by some little tricking. but i duno la, i never been close with girls. since i was small until now (still not big yet but i mean last time when i was younger la). i never know how to talk with a girl, i always feel nervous and my tongue will tie up before i get to speak, i duno la. duno how am i gonna face girls someday mann.

ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! so confused now!!! duno what should i do?!?!?

i'll just let it be how it is now la.....hope life will be better...haha =)

oh?

i feel like blogging bout it but i won't.

it's better if i say it out with my own mouth. i've been curious'ing for so long and finally i got the answer.

if i could, i should. if i should, i would.

that's all i can say bout it.

Sudden moodless

for some reason, i feel like blogging is somewhere for my friends to shoot another friend. seeing friends' blog used to be my hobby. for some reason again, i dun feel like reading in this few days. it's like everyone is hating everyone. knowing so many stuff is not easy. whenever i talk i feel stress now. it's like.....eventhough the 5 ppl is in front of me and talking together, but behind that, they're actually hating each other. but everyone is acting like nothing and forcing themselves to continue the conversation. i dun think friends should be that way.

my advice to some ppl : try to giv your friends chance, maybe you should think on their side, what they're facing, what they're doing or so on. sometimes they talk without using their brain, but forgive la or try to make her/him understand what she/he's doing was wrong. make them realise their mistake. sometimes it's rude to be so straight forward. but sometimes you really do it for their own good. whether they wanna take it as positive or negative only. what you did is good enough, let them be. you tried your best, so dun care bout what they say anymore.

to the other some ppl : try to be a good friend to your friends. dun be too selfish and think that everyone should care for you. ya, you're facing problems, but dun just blame everyone. sometimes it's not someone's fault or your fault. it's something happen naturally or planned by god? maybe god is testing us?? he/she is trying to make us learn more. because as we growing up, it's gonna be more and more problems coming to us. so, sometimes you really need to think for your friends too. yes! you're sharing your stuff with them because you cannot take it all on your own. but dun like blame them for not caring, sometimes you're being annoying because you chose the wrong time to talk bout it. or sometimes they're busy doing something else you just go in like that.

i hate who i am now. i know too many stuff d. some i dun ming knowing, but some really making me suffer. sobz, really wish someone is beside me now and lend me her shoulder...haha

Way back into love~

i've been living with a shadow overhead.
i've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed.
i've been lonely for so long.
Trapped in the past i just can't seem to move on.

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away,
just in case i ever need them again someday,
i've been setting aside time,
to clear a little space in the corners of my mind.

All i wanna do is find a way back into love,
i can't make it through without a way back into love.

i've been watching but the stars refuse to shine.
i've been searching but i just don't see the signs.

i know that it's out there.
there's gotta be something for my soul somewhere.

i've been looking for someone to shed some light,
not somebody just to get me through the night
i could use some direction,
and i'm open to your suggestions.

All i wanna do is find a way back into love,
i can't make it through without a way back into love.

and if i open my heart to you,
i'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
and if you help me to start again,
you know that i'll be there for you in the end.

i really think this movie "Music and Lyrics" is very nice, you guys should watch it. i watched it 1 and a half year ago. now rewatch back, still think it's nice =) hehe

lyrics from a song that i found romantic.

I changed a bit to make it suits to my life. =)

It's never been easy for me,
to find words to go along with a melody,

But this time there's actually something on my mind,
so please forgive these few brief awkward lines.

Since i met you, my whole life has changed.
it's not just my schedule you've rearranged.

I was living in the past but somehow you've brought me back.

And i haven't felt like this since before Andrea said, Relax.

And though i know,
base on my track record.
I might not seem like the safest bet.

All i'm asking you, is don't write me off just yet.

For years i've been telling myself the same old story,
that i'm happy to live off my so-called former glories,
but you've given me a reason to take another chance,
now i need you despite the fact that you've changed my whole life.

And though i know,
i've already blown more chances than anyone should ever get

All i'm asking you, is don't write me off just yet.

Haha, that's all....it's a short song from a movie called Music and Lyrics =)

omg! i'm old ~ ~ ~

this morning something special happened.

but when i reach home and i wanna blog bout it, i totally forgot what happened !!! when it happens, the first thought in my mind was i must post it in my blog. end up i forgot what to post. haha. i no white hairs because i eat lots of fruits and veggie. i'm proud to say no one can eat more than me =) who wanna challenge eating veggie/fruits (note: not all veggie i eat, just 2/3 types i dun eat, fruit?? all DA BAO [100% finish it up mann]!!!! ) hahahaha but i wonder why i'm not skinny or healthy....sobz sobz

really feel boring today eventhough everyone is watching the Olympic 080808. when i look at the tv, i felt boring. nearly fall asleep also. sorry to be "potong" but really not interested. i duno why today is sooooooooooooo boring lar~~~~~~~~~

I was happy for 5 seconds. haha

there's a moment just now~~~

i notice my blog has came alive. from my dead blog to healthy blog.
because last time my blog update for ONE person to read. now i update for everyone.
i was so happy just now when i notice there's a few ppl view my blog everyday/every hour.
but when i thought of what makes me created my blog, i'm down again. ask me if you wanna know more how i created my blog and what causes me to create. blehz but it's kinda sad case la, so dun be surprise if you can sense my depression. emoness. =P

luckily i have friends like you , you and you !!! sorry sometimes if i din bother you or being too harsh. =)

Please learn~

i write it out on my blog not to shoot you or whatever, just wish you learn how to respect ppl. i know it's my fault to say it/type it out, but at least i'm expressing myself. when you read something like this, you always ignore and scold all the bad words or what so ever. you never bother to care bout your own mistake.

ppl ask you to be yourself. but doesn't mean you're doing something bad = you're being yourself, you still have the chance or the time to change it. you always say you know your mistake, but i dun see any changes. maybe you say i'm deserved to be in this way, always not happy, emo, got treated badly. but i really wish you'll learn something. no matter how much i hated someone, i always give a chance. if you dun appreciate it, too bad lo. i also know you've given me many chances, but sadly... i failed to really use the chance. if you're feeling angry or what i dun mind, just wish whatever i'm doing now can make you realise someday.

everything happen for a reason, you're fated to do something or be something in the world. but please try to change the fate, negatiev things/attitude/personalities shouldn't follow you til the end of your life. even our class MAYAT, i'm giving him chance, i dun just scold him and ignore him when he talk to me, i still answer him in a polite way. unless he really got on my nerve like i'm very nice to bully la. everyone deserves chances, so please learn to do something right. =)

when someone promised but they actually don't~

i wonder why they must treat me like a stranger??
when they promised you something, they never mark their words

and i hate it the most when they say
1) you no balls ah??
2) you no guts ah??
3) you got *puss see*??
4) you scared your secret other people know ah??
5) you scared she hate you ah??

oh my gosh mannn!!! i tell you guys my stuff is not for you to blackmail me or threaten me
when you promised not to let 3rd person know, there's always 4th or 5th ppl know. that means the time you telling something, you tell them in a group and not individual...that's why you still "keep" your promise by not telling the THIRD PERSON. have you think on my side or think for her??

i like her....so?? must you tell the whole world?? that's why sometimes ppl prefer to keep their own stuff, not to say they dun treat you as a friend but you're not trustworthy!!! when you like a girl, you just HANG IT on your mouth... eventhough you're messaging her everyday everynight, does that means you have chance being her boy friend?? not to be mean but that's the fact. when you like someone you dun need to tell everyone. same goes to me, who i like is my business la, you must spread the news like a news reporter meh?? sometimes you say : how you know?? maybe she likes you le?? but why you din think about what IF she dun like me?? my chance might be high physically, but it's not high at all. sometimes i really feel that you're jealous. or somehow wanna break me down or wan me to malu in front of ppl. have you think for the girl that you like or i like?? when you like someone, doesn't mean she must like you back !! once she dun bother you, you're cursing her like mad, as if she killed your parents or make you mandul, cannot have father's day anymore. when you really like someone, dun expect anything in return, she's still replying consider good d, what else you're expecting?? message you and say she loves you?? wanna marry you?? wanna be with you forever??

i really dun like it when you guys treat this like nothing. it might hurts her or me in either physically or mentally. most of the time ppl EMO because of the surrounding, everyone is so random, morning they promised you something, at night already break the promise. or happy in the morning, at night like exam get 0. why why why!!?!?!?!? why must you tell someone?? if you cannot keep secret tell me la, i won't tell you anymore. dun promise me like you're being the one who willing to listen my problems and concern me or really comfort me when i'm down or whatever. it hurts even more. people is saying you liking someone doesn't mean you must say someone else back right?? because everyone knows you don't care what the girl think or you dun think. that's why ppl around are playing a fool on you. you can just shout in the class who you like. i really care a lot, because i dun wan her to hate me like how the others did.

maybe you're feeling proud, you have guts, you have balls, you're a man, you're a gentleman or you're brave to admit you like her in front of everyone. but did you ever thought of her feelings?? you're liking her is not equals to you're coupling with her. and same goes to me, i'm liking her doesn't mean i'm coupling with her. we can still be friends~ dun try to destroy the relationship please, i'll get a right time to tell her. like the previous case....you still din learn your lesson huh?? she's hating me so much now... because you told her i like her before i tell her on my own. and maybe she's thinking i talk to/chat with/seeing her is i'm trying to get close to her or rather stalking her. now i dun even have the chance to talk to her. it's not i dun dare, even if i talk to her, she got no response at all. what else you wan me to do?? yell at her?? that's impossible. because i know that i like her doesn't mean she need to like me back.

*I PUT MY BOTH KNEE ON THE FLOOR, BEGGING YOU NOT TO TELL ANYONE BOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE. I GUESS I WON'T TELL YOU ANYTHING ANYMORE. BUT JUST IN CASE I REALLY CANNOT FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO TALK WITH. PLEASE REALLY PROMISE ME SINCERELY WITH YOUR HEART AND NOT TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT IT. PLEASE !! PLEASE !! PLEASE !! I DUN WAN TO END UP LIKE THE PREVIOUS CASES*

Regreted ~

haiz, why everyone around is so untrustable?? 1 thing can spread so fast in a day.
trusted them so much but still can't be trusted.
regret telling them.

when someone promise you that he/she won't say it out, most of the time they're lying. sometimes they won't say it out, they go straight to the person you like and ask what they think bout you. omg! stress mann... i'm seriously saying i like someone when i'm talking to you 1 on 1. when there's a group or other ppl, most of the time i'm joking. when i say i dun like it, please don't do it again. =) thank you~

today will be my last day d!! no matter how excited am i, i'm not gonna share any happiness or sadness to those who betrayed me. currently left 3 trusted friends. sobz

i guess they're facing lots of problems also, that's why they're mature enough for not telling out something they not suppose to tell. you think like someone so easy ah?? for some ppl, they can just give up the current one and say he/she likes another person now. i wonder how they do that. i used 2 months to recover and i finally forgot what happened and my mood already turn ok. and start liking ppl again, why always got destroyed by ppl around me?? really regreted of what i've done, which is saying it out. haiz~

I'm shocked !

i'm wondering why am i so special until those girls i like are special too.
someone just erased me from her world. totally 100% invisible now, even if i speak, i guess she can hear the sound without seeing me anymore.

from the very starting,
1st - don't talk but chat, inside friend list
2nd - talk and chat, still inside
3rd - don't talk but still chat, some list i'm disappeared
4th - don't talk don't chat, totally not in the list
5th - don't talk, don't chat, don't see, don't feel, don't know!

i was glad last friday when she can still hear me. but few minutes ago i just found i'm totally gone and erased from her eyes and world. i duno why am i feeling so pain in my heart, i've told myself more than million times that i'm not gonna care so much bout how she feel, how she's living and etc, but ended up, i'm still caring how she think. but finally, today is the end because i got deleted and sent to the recycle bin. no matter how hard i comfort myself with plenty of excuses, there's nothing to do anymore. friends feel sad for me when they know bout me, some even feel angry that i shouldn't be this way, some comfort me also, but seriously, i'm really useless and i disappoint all of them, who cares bout me~ i guess there's still someone somewhere sometime will care bout me.

or else really no point living on this ball-like earth, spinning and spinning until it stops. earth is not forever, it will stop spinning someday if humans still acting this way. by that time, everyone is gone. no one no where nothing else~ whatever was done in the past millions years will disappear. our life is short if you notice, if you're lucky, you'll have 4 parts of your life, like divided into quarters.

1st - young and cute which you dun hav any problems and troubles....live in the kids' world
2nd - teen stage, which you gonna face lots of problems and face the hardest thing in your life (this is when you choose 1 path between the 2, either the good or the bad cause this stage is the stage you'll get affect the most, smoking, loving, liking or whatever also happen here)
3rd - your working life (where you work and work and work and work to get a better life)
4th and the last - your family, your children have grown up and you're waiting to die by enjoying yourself once again before you die, go vacation, travels around and bla bla bla

maybe i'm not mature enough to face my life, because everyone has their problems, no one can really live on earth without any problems, i've saw my friend fist combat with the father, a son who made his mom cried, a daughter who's quarelling with the father, a son stealing at hyper and got caught by polis, parents fighting using knives, so on~ no one's life is easy

maybe i shouldn't make things complicated. but it's kinda hard for me to make things simple when they actually hard. haiz, everything is beyond my jurisdiciton(a new learnt word, ahah). i can't control them. haiz~ really feel sad when someone was once my friend turn out like this, she has to deny everything that related to me, i din know i could affect that much(not being perasan) but really felt guilty, i should've think with my brain at that moment. haiz~ everything ended unexpectedly and worse than expected. even try to reduce it to the least effect also fail. i'm crapping until i duno what am i typing anymore....really bad mood

Existence??

haha

someone made me felt dead in the past 1 year

but

someone made me felt i'm very special in the past 1 week =)

really need to pack up my emotions and feelings already.

Omg, what a bad day~ T_T

sob sob sob, everything doesn't go well today, what i've planned doesn't go like what i've planned. i think i'm managing kinda well but still need others' assistance. haiz~ my mom was too busy until she forgot to put my bag in her office =(

i'm late for 40 minutes!! for the 1st tuition and late for 30 minutes!! for 2nd tuition..=.=" 1st tuition was late because i'm waiting for mom's staff to come back and let me take my stuff from the car and he fetched me there but there's a jam so i'm late lo~ haiz haiz haiz 40 minutes, miss out how many things mann... the 2nd tuition!! OH MY GOSH!!!! me and my friend took a cab and we got conned !!! ss2~ss17 which the track around 3km cost us RM7 !!! my friends took a cab from curve ~ ss17 also RM6.80 only...grrr forgot to take down the cab number! guys, becareful when you take cab, if the price raising fast, either stop instantly or ask for the reason. just now my friend ask the cab why the metre running so fast he cannot answer, end up he charged us RM5 !! it's obviously a scam already!! haizz, so unlucky today

that's all i guess, a short and simple post bout my luck today, haha.....laugh with all you want if that would makes you happy =P