I'm shocked !

i'm wondering why am i so special until those girls i like are special too.
someone just erased me from her world. totally 100% invisible now, even if i speak, i guess she can hear the sound without seeing me anymore.

from the very starting,
1st - don't talk but chat, inside friend list
2nd - talk and chat, still inside
3rd - don't talk but still chat, some list i'm disappeared
4th - don't talk don't chat, totally not in the list
5th - don't talk, don't chat, don't see, don't feel, don't know!

i was glad last friday when she can still hear me. but few minutes ago i just found i'm totally gone and erased from her eyes and world. i duno why am i feeling so pain in my heart, i've told myself more than million times that i'm not gonna care so much bout how she feel, how she's living and etc, but ended up, i'm still caring how she think. but finally, today is the end because i got deleted and sent to the recycle bin. no matter how hard i comfort myself with plenty of excuses, there's nothing to do anymore. friends feel sad for me when they know bout me, some even feel angry that i shouldn't be this way, some comfort me also, but seriously, i'm really useless and i disappoint all of them, who cares bout me~ i guess there's still someone somewhere sometime will care bout me.

or else really no point living on this ball-like earth, spinning and spinning until it stops. earth is not forever, it will stop spinning someday if humans still acting this way. by that time, everyone is gone. no one no where nothing else~ whatever was done in the past millions years will disappear. our life is short if you notice, if you're lucky, you'll have 4 parts of your life, like divided into quarters.

1st - young and cute which you dun hav any problems and troubles....live in the kids' world
2nd - teen stage, which you gonna face lots of problems and face the hardest thing in your life (this is when you choose 1 path between the 2, either the good or the bad cause this stage is the stage you'll get affect the most, smoking, loving, liking or whatever also happen here)
3rd - your working life (where you work and work and work and work to get a better life)
4th and the last - your family, your children have grown up and you're waiting to die by enjoying yourself once again before you die, go vacation, travels around and bla bla bla

maybe i'm not mature enough to face my life, because everyone has their problems, no one can really live on earth without any problems, i've saw my friend fist combat with the father, a son who made his mom cried, a daughter who's quarelling with the father, a son stealing at hyper and got caught by polis, parents fighting using knives, so on~ no one's life is easy

maybe i shouldn't make things complicated. but it's kinda hard for me to make things simple when they actually hard. haiz, everything is beyond my jurisdiciton(a new learnt word, ahah). i can't control them. haiz~ really feel sad when someone was once my friend turn out like this, she has to deny everything that related to me, i din know i could affect that much(not being perasan) but really felt guilty, i should've think with my brain at that moment. haiz~ everything ended unexpectedly and worse than expected. even try to reduce it to the least effect also fail. i'm crapping until i duno what am i typing anymore....really bad mood