some laugh for today

Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

Wife to husband: 'What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?'
Husband to wife: 'Golfing with friends, my dear.'
Wife to husband: 'What? At 2 am ?!'
Husband to wife: 'Yes, We used night clubs.'

Father to son after exam: 'let me see your report card.'
Son: 'My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.'

Interviewer to Millionaire: 'To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire to?'
Millionaire: 'I owe everything to my wife.'
Interviewer: 'Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?'
Millionaire: 'A Billionaire'

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after sex?
He replied: Depends, if I can find a phone.

Man to wife on wedding night: Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?
Wife replied: Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!

Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S. ?
Answer: Because people started licking the wrong side.

Doctor to his lady patient: You look terribly weak and exhausted! Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?
Lady replied: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.