it's easy to say, but it's really hard to do

3rd night/morning i can't sleep after reading the message... i somehow still can't get use to the daily routine i was doing for the past 9 months... but today... at least i have someone to talk to, we actually talked on the phone for 2 hours and 52 minutes... i just feel better after talking... before, i was like keeping everything in my heart, and what i can do was only chat in msn and share it in words... but yesterday, i actually said it out with my mouth... it takes lots of courage to do something you dun even know can you do it or not... like my title, it's easy to say, but it's really hard to do... dun ever comment bout someone too much when you, yourself can't even face it on your own... yar, i know, what i should do after that day, but it's just so hard to do like what you all asked me to do... it isn't as easy as you expect... you'll just know someday when you faced the similiar situation...

after talking on the phone yesterday, i noticed i've been so fake all the time... everytime hang out, i'm not who i really am... i cared a lot bout how ppl look at me, think bout me, or rather comment bout me... that's why i've been a really good person when i'm outside... i actually not that good only de... i admit i swear/curse a lot at home, but outside, you can hardly hear me saying those rude words or vulgar... that's why i feel like... i'm really hiding my trueself just to make more friends... which i think it wasn't a bad thing... but i'm just gonna lost myself more after day by day passes... but i think it's better to stay the way i was doing all this while... my trueself just too ugly... worse than a demon... and actually, i used my friends as a tool to seal the demon in my heart... i think it's not a wrong way to do so right?

and you know... it's really really damm hard to find someone who has so "much" of similiarities with you of the opposite gender... it's just so fake until like it was fated... yesterday i actually thought of this, fate and fake only 1 alphabet different... fate looks fake all the time... most of the time you just can't believe what you're seeing... but that's your fate to see it, know it or feel it, no matter how fake it was... and fate actually has its date.... which also 1 alphabet different only... the fate was planned in various dates... that's why sometimes it looks like a chain reaction?? things just happen 1 after another... nevermind lar, i shall not analyse too much... later i'm gonna be like some insane ppl who was locked in some kind of room with all the chains...

i'm glad that you ppl were by my side whenever i need you ppl...
but for some ppl, i really dun like when you say things like it's so easy to make it... it's not as easy as you sees it... i know it's not hard either, as long as i have the will, i can do it... but seriously... i'm really serious on her... i din even notice i actually did that much for her... but i always think it's not enough...

ppl, i'll just take my time slowly and give a lil fate lo... dun rush me to forget bout her bah... it's painful... it's a painful experience !!