I'm not Missing You.

if I can go back to the past,

I would choose not to know you at all.

it’s not that I regret

it’s because I can’t face

the fact that I’m without you.

from now on,

our happiness is no longer

relevant to each other.

the word “love” is actually

something so far from me until I couldn’t reach.

thinking of you quietly,

putting on some soft and smooth music.

your shadow is dim,

your face is blur,

but those won’t affect my emotions while I’m thinking of you.

I’m not missing you much,

just that when I’m happy I’ll thought of you,

you’re the first person that I wanted to share my happiness with.

I’m not missing you much

just that when I’m sad I’ll thought of you

you’re the first person that I wanted to express my sadness.

I’m not missing you much,

just that when I’m listening to songs I’ll thought of you from nowhere

there’s no reason why

it’s just that the lyrics are similar to you and me.

I’m not missing you much,

just that when I’m waking up in the morning I’ll thought of you from nowhere

there’s no reason why

it’s just that the person who appeared in my dream looked like you.

I’m not missing you much,

just that when I’m reading I’ll thought of you from nowhere

there’s no reason why

it’s just that the book’s main characters are similar to you and me.

I really din miss you so much

I only thought of you when I’m walking into some junctions

I only thought of you when I’m half way watching movie

I only thought of you when I’m half way listening songs

I really din miss you so much,

I only thought of you when I don’t want to think of you

This is good

I’m not thinking bout you

I just thought of you until my eyes are watery.

missing you,

but I’m afraid to let you know

that’s why dare not and won’t bother you.

I’m only keeping your smses in my phone,

bringing them out and read them again when I miss you

reading them slowly and feel it with details

after that, I will smile but sad at the same time.

I’m only keeping your favourite songs

never wanted to delete them

because those few “normal’ songs

I can play them again when I miss you

reminding me bout the past.

I’m only waiting for your sms at this quiet and silence night

when it arrives, there’s a kind of excitement in the heart

but I only reply with normal greetings without those excitement

funny jokes, funny arguments

if it don’t arrive,

it somehow brought disappointment

then I’ll sleep with a half dreaming half conscious mood.

the days without you,

I can only work hard to keep update with you

acting like there’s nothing

but after that I’m listening to what they said bout you

and carve those things bout you into my mind

I’m always loving you more than you can imagine

but I just can’t tell you.

lifting up my head to see the clouds of this city

breathing the air in this city

can also make me thought of you.

thinking that those clouds and air will move to your side

even if so

my heart is still warmly….

this moment,

I’m thinking of you

but only thinking of you

and not bothering you

miss you, but not disturbing/bothering you

it’s because I really love you.

Hey Guys !

ooops,accidentally followed Christina Grimmie's words, nvm...

was wondering how many of you actually still visit this blog page once in a while... it's been so long ever since my last post... guess i'm not that active and moody to blog everyday anymore... recently, felt really lifeless... besides eating, there's only sleeping... gained like 11kg ever since my national service, which was like 19 months ago?

really have no idea what to blog about...
i'll just update bout myself a lil

studies? so so, not doing so well for my past exam, felt bad for it... hopefully this coming semester, i'll be hardworking... hopefully everything will be going well during this semester, sick of being an useless sh*t, sick of being slacker, doing is not as easy as it's said... and Rome wasn't built in a day, so... work hard this semester =P

relationship? as usual, staying single, well... rather not to have than being with someone that you worried that you might break up with her or worry that you can't be good? i'm cursed perhaps? everytime when i like someone, i can see their relationship changing in the coming month, from being single to in a relationship with bla and bla, but once i stop liking them or rather give up? they went from in a relationship to single... hopefully it wasn't coincident for them >.< hope you girls find your Mr Right soon alright? ^^ guess i'm just not so right >.< will continue searching for my Ms Right ^^ but ya, i'll still "care" bout you girls... as a friend or whatever, hopefully i wasn't being annoying =P

career achievement? *close topic* nothing YET, more to come ^^

2 is better than 1, but... hopefully i won't be missing 2 girls at 1 time anymore >.<

please clear my mind of 1 girl, and leave the other one for me to love...

love matters, it never end.

poem? not today.

for those who read this, thank you for visiting my blog ^^ hope it doesn't sounds emo

" Do Not Take Everything Too Seriously "

somehow, i love the phrase more as time passes.
somehow, i'm really getting sick of people.
somehow, i really wanted to shout out loud but i find it pointless to do so.

assignment... what is assignment actually? why everyone is so stress doing it??
basically, assignment is something similar to tutorial questions, it's something that test our understanding based on what we've learnt, it's just that, it holds some marks of our final total marks, unlike tutorial. if you find it difficult to do the assignment, that means you've not understand enough during the classes.

why i say do not take everything too seriously? it's because everyone is taking everything over serious and some people just don't know how to be considerate. gosh, everyone has their responsibility, especially group assignments that include individual parts. think for others please. it's true that you might not know how to fully complete your part of the assignment, but please bear in mind that, your group members have their part to do as well, even if there's someone with outstanding results or talents in your group, do you think you should pass him/her everything that you left undone for that person to complete it for you?

to be continued... exploded

missing through the universe?

1. 2 days ago... i suddenly have this flashing image through my mind... it was her who appeared... i really missed her at that moment for some reasons which i don't know... then "she" smsed me asking me am i talking bad bout her because she just sneezed... haha... i didn't know something so funny can happen... when i really miss her until some point, she'll sneeze... i was thinking, was it a coincidence? or i'm really missing her... did i really miss her until she sneezes?

2. as i was thinking where to have my lunch just now... i thought of "her"... i thought of the dragonfruit ice blended that she ordered the other day... so, i decided to go there and eat... once i sat down, i look at the menu, i flipped to the page of ice blended drinks... it cost RM3.50, at that moment... i realise... i couldn't afford it... haha... my friend asked me what to eat... i asked her to order what "she" ordered last time... it really reminds me of her at some point... half way eating... a song of S.H.E.'s played... memories... images... are getting more... suddenly... i heard "her" laughters... i thought i was missing her too much until i'm hearing something that others don't... i looked around... i noticed "she"'s just sitting at the end of the other corner... i was thinking, was it a coincidence again? or i'm just really missing her... did i really miss her until she appears?

finally knew, finally realised

just like the title above... i finally found out something that i should've find it out long long time ago...

all this while, i thought when i like someone, i should treat her as good as i can and wish to be with her most of the time... but... after what happened last night and few nights back... i realised... treating her good isn't showing that i love her... it's more like making her to feel bad... because she dun love me or love me yet... treating her too nice will just make some other ppl jealous or started to criticize bout her cause in other ppl's view or eyes, they just see that i'm treating her good and she doesn't know how to appreciate those things i've done for her... i never blamed her or hated her for not accepting me, because before this i've already found out that she has her rights to make her own decisions and choices...

probably treating her good... is what i should do after get to couple with her? but i really dunno what to do or what else i can do to express my feelings... and it feels really suck when you get to know that she's not really that happy when you're around her... i always say i treat everyone the same... not just towards the person i like... and that's the fact too... but when things starting to get obvious... and ppl around me just starting to fool themselves even more... so what if i liked her? so what if i'm treating her good or better than you? the fact is, you guys started to avoid me to crate chances for me... you guys dun even know what's happening between me and her... what you all do are just keep giving comments over what you've saw...

to be honest, if you ask me any questions or any favors, i'll do whatever i can to help you. not just towards the person i like but everyone around me... stop saying me putting the girl over my friends la... ask yourself mann, did you even bother to ask me questions when you really dunno how to do?? did you really ask me to do any favor for you when you needed someone's help?? gosh mann... grow up lar... stop being so childish and so curious !! what the heck you can do after knowing the truth? after knowing what you wanna know ?!?!?!? gosh !! i really hate it when i'm treating other ppl good but you ppl just dun giv a dam on what i did for you guys... yeah, you also know how to say she dun like things to be so obvious and she dun like things to go that fast... but look at yourself !! what you're doing?!?! try to think again before anything happens mann... is it very fun to take others' relationship and joke bout it?? respect yourself and respect others please !! stop fooling yourself around like what !!!

yeah, i'm pissed off... do i look like i dun hav temper at all?? gosh !! make sure you guys know the limit before it went over !! that would be tooo late !!!


EVERY TIME HAPPEN THE SAME THING, WHY WON'T YOU GET SICK OF IT?? OR WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO ?!?!?!

11th June 2010 = a WTF day

well, everything were nice until evening time... haiz... there were aunties blocking me ==" 1 dun let me cut her even though i put signal for quite long d, she purposely speed up some more right after i put signal... the other one worse...

i was trying to U-turn but i got forced to the 2nd lane from the right... and at traffic, i try to cut her slowly cause i really have to U-turn... so i signal and slowly move forward, mana tahu she go Gear-1 then move forward also, then looked at me, she smiled then laugh... then her daughter at the back seat also laughing... from her expression, she's telling her daughter that she's not gonna let me go... and she's telling me, dun think you youngsters can drive like how you want... HELLO~ i got forced to mid lane wei, i signal before that, but the other aunty purposely speed up to block me, the other one, purposely move forward to block me... really oh my gosh wei... luckily no accident happen there mann...

haiz... just this 2 incidents made my day miserable... dammit... why can't ppl just let me go?? hello~ i signal already, and i slowly move, not like i purposely drive fast and stop in front of you to force you letting me pass... please lar, i know you're aunty and i'm youngster, but please dun do this kind of stuff again lar... it's so dangerous you know ?!?!? and letting me pass it's like.. just 5seconds!! gosh... i really hate ppl who dun signal... if it's not useful, why the heck they put this thinge?? and what's the point for you to signal when your car already 60% out from your lane!! what the hell mann, human nowadays are getting stupid and lack of logical thinking... haiz... i know everyone think from different view, maybe in their view i'm just some reckless youngster driver...

wrong guess

haha, bout the previous post, i guessed it wrongly, o.O they din know each other until they get to this college. ^^ well, nothing much though... just feel kinda unlucky for the previous week cause almost everyday my lrt/ktm got delayed... and on thursday, when i go by car, there's even road block ==" made me late for my class for 16 minutes.... and today, nothing's wrong ==" i reached college at 845am but my class at 1030am, and now i'm so sleepy =="

college

haha, i started my college life like last week?? and now i'm blogging in the citc of my college... ^^

well... i'm lucky to like know almost all my tutorial ppl already... basically more than 50% of them already knew each other before coming in to this tutorial class... hehe.... cause more than 50 % of them are from pahang and i guess they're from the same secondary school... hehe... it makes my life easier to get to know more ppl because most of them already knew each other... ^^

i'm actually doing my HOMEWORK now cause i forgot bout it for like whole week?? ==" din expect to have homework for now... should remind myeslf to do homework next time already... if not everytime rush in college isn't something good.. haha! it's no longer secondary where you can postpone your due dates and deadlines.. =( used to be lazy and really lazy... guess i really need to start to be hardworking and do all my homeworks.. ^^

"friends"

i guess i've misunderstood the word above... i guess ever since the first moment this word was introduced into my life, i got it wrongly, until today, i finally realise what's a friend, and how to be a friend... i was making mistakes all the time =(

A friend is suppose to accept who you are instead wanting you to be who they want. maybe i was a bad friend after all, i've never make decisions... i've never know how to make decisions until today... until someone told me that i shouldn't be this way anymore... until someone told me that i should really start thinking for my own future instead of satisfying everyone around me... i always say i'm borned to help... but now only i realise i wasn't helping, i'm doing something wrong all this while...

A friend is suppose to help the other friend when he needed some help. BUT not always helping other friends to solve their problems... everyone has to learn how to handle what they're facing... and i really made a wrong decisioni today =( maybe it's just the old me, i need to renew myself really soon =) no man is an island, but every man should learn how to be independent instead of being dependent. there are times that you'll be facing troubles alone, with no supports, with no opinions, with no advices, that's the time you have to think and decide totally base on your own.

A friend is suppose to share stuff with another instead of keep saying bout one's problems. it's true there are listeners, they prefer listening more than expressing. but, they're just prefering... i'm sure they need someone else for them to express also right? they just need the right person with the right moment... not everyone like to express, at times like this, as a friend, we must strengthen our observation, observe better and be the man, do the right thing. >.<

i really dunno what are friends suddenly, blank in the mind.... haiz...

so many things going around...

damm! really hate this kinda feeling !!

something wrong?

i always felt blessed when i'm driving, that's why i'm really glad

but recently, i somehow felt dangerous? i nearly killed a cat, i nearly killed a frog.

dunno ler... haha

recently do what also like no mood, no energy... play game also like no soul.... like a living corpse

maybe just too much to think of XD

L O V E

about love :

don't always expect for a better one, appreciate the current one cause it's the best.

don't always think that you're still young, you can always marry later. love isn't bout your age.

don't give up because you're far apart with your love one, love will always be with you when you believe.

don't give up because the other half is not rich, as long as he's not useless, working hard will make you rich some day.

don't give up because your parents don't support your love, you'll realise that you regret forever.

about love :

the more pure the better

only couple once in a life is the best

if you

- experienced too much, you'll lost your interest in it.

- break up too many times, you'll get used to it.

- change too many boy girl friends, you'll start comparing.

in the end, you won't believe in true love anymore,

you'll start blaming yourself,

you'll be like a living corpse, with no purpose or directions in life

and lastly,

you'll end up marrying someone you don't love and spent the rest of your life with him/her.

Success?

there are some things success is not, it's not fame, it's not money, it's not power..

success is waking up in the morning, so excited about what you have to do, that you literally fly out the door. it's getting to work with people you love.

success is connecting with the world and making people feel. it's finding a way to bind together people who have nothing in common but a dream. it's falling asleep at night knowing you did the best job you could.

success is joy and freedom and friendship.

and success is love

me ?

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence.
You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean.
You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long. Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth
People like you because you are so straightforward
You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking:
You like serious
Smart
Determined people
You don't judge a book by its cover
So good-looking people aren't necessarily your style
This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person
And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt
Behave seductively
The opposite sex finds this very attractive
That's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms
But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education:
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas
You listen to your own instincts
Tend to follow your heart
So you will probably end up with an unusual job

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular
You need to choose something
Go for it to be happy
Achieve success

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life
You are content with what you have
Think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble
You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself
Independence is important to you

again

seeing you again... reminded me why i loved you at the first place...

maybe it's not because i dun love you anymore...

seeing you again... i realised... i really did loved you...

maybe it's just i'm forced to let you go for a happy ending...

i dunno what else i could do when i'm at the helpless end...

i dunno what else i could do when everything is not under my control...

maybe letting you go was my only choice...

letting you go so everyone of us... will have a different thinking...

feeling's really funny at times...

really can't guarantee...

haiz... love...

human

human... so many negative attitudes...

i really hate

ppl who already received free gifts, and still ask for more? they dun think for ppl who's after them

ppl who ask for free gifts, then say free gift not nice, not good quality... it's already free, still complain so much

ppl who visited other stores then come and tell me... like "i saw where only selling for how much how much, why here more expensive" or "you sell so expensive, who want to buy? other place only selling how much how much" (fyi, i'm just a promoter, not the boss who decided all these prices)

ppl who simply scold me when it's obviously not my fault (i dun know when the price will drop? when the price will increase? if you felt that it's cheap, then just buy la!! i know economy not good, but what the hell i can do if the price still drop after you bought it!! it's not like i purposely scam your damm money!! the worse part is, i even got scolded because the price of a carton dropped 20 cents!! WTH MANN !! 20 cents!! 24 cans, not even a cent for each can and you scold me for like half an hour ?!?! what's your problem!!)

ppl who dunno how to appreciate my assistance (HELLO~ i'm wearing my company's shirt, why the hell you scold me when you can't find your BISCUIT, MILK or whatever shit!! i'm already trying my best to help you ask around, search around, and even help you to que up! and you scolded me because you can't get to buy the DAMM OFFER ITEMS ?!?! HUMAN !! use your damm brain la!! or open your damm eyes to see my SHIRT!! hate hearing this the most "you work here you and dunno anything?!?!" PLEASE LAR!! open your eyes, open your brain !! WTH IS WRONG WITH PPL !!)

ppl who accuse me like no one's business (hate ppl say "if you dun hav stocks, dun advertise on the newspaper" oh please... FIRSTLY, i dun sell them! i'm just helping you to search what you want, SECONDLY, you come so late and you expect ppl having endless supply? you think supplier waiting inside the store room? THIRDLY, we ordered but the stock's not here yet, is it my fault for not receiving the ordered stocks? please lar, use brain la... FOURTHLY, i'm not the one who advertise those stuff on newspaper!! scold me like what?!?! scold me for what?!?!)

ppl who's nice to you when you're helping them, then they changed to some bitches when you failed to help them (worst human being, speechless bout it)

ppl who's complaining when you're already helping them (it's like, help them to carry to their car but they complain you walk slow, GOSH !! try to carry those on your hands!! and try to walk as fast as me!! shit wei... what's the world turning into?)

stress ahh !! but there's no such job on earth that you dun hav to deal with human, every single thing will be related to human... GOSH !!! feel like smacking something!!

Currently not available...

everyday working 9am to 11pm...

waking at 6am everyday and sleeping as soon as i finished my shower... haha

expecting some posts from me?

maybe after i work... cause i have so much to blog bout my new ff aka female friend or some ppl call it gf aka girl's friend >.< haha....

definitely still single...

=P

dreaming nightmares

ahh, lately... nightmares...

dream....

always started with a party... everyone play play drink drink drunk drunk.... then i wanna go toilet... while i'm peeing... my surrounding gets darker and darker and darker until i can't even see my own hand... suddenly... a small and weak light glowing in front of me... suddenly !! a face appeared from the light... the face keep looking at me and staring at me... and i keep praying until i finish peeing... after that i zip up my pants then try to walk off, that face of light followed me... wherever i go, he'll follow me ... after i left the toilet, i wanted to go back to the party... but everyone just disappeared... suddenly the house became so dusty and so creepy and spooky like no one's here for long... then i ran out from the house... it's a big endless green field... but all the grass are full of dust... gosh... also dunno how to describe... but somehow... the ghost... is helping me to watch my back... and giving me light at a darkest point...

something might be bad when you look at them physically... but... sometimes... you just can't judge anything by just seeing them... i... really wish my dream is telling me that everything's gonna be fine... maybe things are bad for now... they'll be better later on... never had a dream come true deeply described me now... everybody got something... they have to leave behind.... one regret from yesterday, that just seems to grow with time.... there's no use looking back or wondering... how it could be now or might have been... oh this i know but still i can't find ways to let you go...

i failed to kill my emotions... i failed to seal up my emotions... maybe, they're suppose to be there... keep forcing them to leave... i'll end up getting nothing

i'm the same as light, the same as wind

you hardly touch me but you can feel me... don't you think i'm really fake?? i mean as in like... i'm like one of those character in fairytale, or some exceptions character in a show?? it's like... i'm not just some random normal guy on the street ? haha... lately, i keep thinking back... what other people said bout me... the funny thing is, there's even guys that wish i'm a girl? cause seriously... too good?? not i wanna praise myself here but it's just the way i am... are you afraid that i might leave you someday?? or my attitude won't last for long... sometimes it's not i dun wan to angry, it's just that, i dun wan create any problem or any trouble... just be as humble as possible even though i know there are times i should really stand up for myself... it's not becausde i'm afraid or what... just dun wanna lose any friends of mine...

remember you told me, i'm the only guy that you have nothing to not satisfy with?? and you told me that i'm the only one that you can be frank all the time, and the one you can tell everything with?? i'm seriously happy when you said that... for some reasons, i feel like everyone having their hidden sentences... every sentence are said with different meanings... i dun expect much... i dun dare to hope for much... i'm just wishing that you have someone to talk to, someone to express to, someone that can lessen your burdens instead of making you feel pressured... i know... everything i do... everything i said... will just make you feel bad, feel guilthy... but.. i really wish i can at least be a friend that you'll reach for when you needed someone to...

you know... i always wish you're the lucky girl... the girl who won my heart... but... i just dunno what happened to me lately... i felt so lost all of a sudden... there's no way can stop me from being who i am right? but.. i think i really did control myself too well... until now, it's beyond my jurisdiction anymore... rasional? you know... emotions can take over rasionals...

Suicide [ Death Note ] The End

just like the title... it's a suicide... a death note... and this's the end

i wanted to apologize to whoever that always visit my blog... but, this is the last post...

after this,

i'm not gonna update anything bout my life, my love, my emotions, or anything like poems or stories...

after this,

it would be just all self hypnosis and lies everyday =) (thumbs up)

after this,

i dunno what i would post on my blog anymore...

just wait for the next post and we'll see how it goes...

and i realise 1 thing...

and i'm gonna do it...

something, that i've been doing for too long...

it's time to stop...

stop every single thing

i'm sorry but i loved you much ( to my blog )

and lastly,

bye~

my love, my dear, my darling

i'll never be a knight in armor
with a sword in hand, or a kamikaze fighter;
don't count on me to storm the barricades
and take a stand, or hold my ground;

you'll never see any scars or wounds
i don't walk on coals, I won't walk on water:
i am no prince, I am no saint,
i am not anyone's wildest dream,
but i can stand behind and be someone to fall back on.

honestly, you don't believe me
that the things I have are the things you need?
you look at me like I don't make sense,
like a waste of time, like it serves no purpose
if that's what you believe you need you're wrong
you don't need much, you need someone to fall back on...
and i'll be that: I'll take your side.
if i'm the only one, I'm used to that I've been alone, I'd rather be

the half of us, The least of you, The best of me.
and I will be your prince I'll be your saint,
i will go crashing through fences,
in your name. I will, I swear -

i'll be the one, who waits,
and for as long as you'll let me,
i will be the one you need.
i'll be someone to fall back on.

------------------------------------------------------

you sheltered me from harm, kept me warm,
you gave my life to me, set me free,
the finest's you i ever knew
all the months I had with you,
and i will give everything i owned,
give up my life, my heart, my home
just to have you

you taught me how to love, what is love
you never said too much
but still you showed you cared
and I knew from watching you
nobody else will ever know
the part of me that can't let go