been doing this one step at a time... really going slow and smooth... but lately... i'm really thinking... is there any way that i can stop this pain ? last night, 330am ~ 730am, or should i say this morning? whenever i close my eyes, she'll appear in my mind... i've tried ways like, focus on my breathing, try to bring out something that someone else gave me, but all i'm thinking is still her... it's like... i can't slot anyone else in... of course i'm not blaming her, it was my choice after all.. for the first time in my life, i'm like sleeping in pain... not just like the heart aching as before, but this time it's like... my mind is gonna burst !! have you ever feel like your head is burning but not because of fever? that you just wanna squeeze everything out from your mind ?? i'm even begging to whatever there is, i just wanted to sleep... somehow my mind just can't do that for me, just wouldn't let me sleep in peace... and for the first time... my tears are dropping, just hoping to sleep without these pain... gosh... i go where, whose house, wherever i go, i also can't sleep unless i'm really tired.... i even stayed awake for like 32hours the other days, i tried almost all ways to make myself tired... just wishing for a nice sleep !!
maybe... i really need amethyst, maybe... i really need pearl in my room... or...a peridot to bring me joy and happiness...
it's time to stop all these craps !! i'm not making things out, it's seriously happening on me... ahh !!
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