everyday working 9am to 11pm...
waking at 6am everyday and sleeping as soon as i finished my shower... haha
expecting some posts from me?
maybe after i work... cause i have so much to blog bout my new ff aka female friend or some ppl call it gf aka girl's friend >.< haha....
definitely still single...
=P
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
dreaming nightmares
ahh, lately... nightmares...
dream....
always started with a party... everyone play play drink drink drunk drunk.... then i wanna go toilet... while i'm peeing... my surrounding gets darker and darker and darker until i can't even see my own hand... suddenly... a small and weak light glowing in front of me... suddenly !! a face appeared from the light... the face keep looking at me and staring at me... and i keep praying until i finish peeing... after that i zip up my pants then try to walk off, that face of light followed me... wherever i go, he'll follow me ... after i left the toilet, i wanted to go back to the party... but everyone just disappeared... suddenly the house became so dusty and so creepy and spooky like no one's here for long... then i ran out from the house... it's a big endless green field... but all the grass are full of dust... gosh... also dunno how to describe... but somehow... the ghost... is helping me to watch my back... and giving me light at a darkest point...
something might be bad when you look at them physically... but... sometimes... you just can't judge anything by just seeing them... i... really wish my dream is telling me that everything's gonna be fine... maybe things are bad for now... they'll be better later on... never had a dream come true deeply described me now... everybody got something... they have to leave behind.... one regret from yesterday, that just seems to grow with time.... there's no use looking back or wondering... how it could be now or might have been... oh this i know but still i can't find ways to let you go...
i failed to kill my emotions... i failed to seal up my emotions... maybe, they're suppose to be there... keep forcing them to leave... i'll end up getting nothing
dream....
always started with a party... everyone play play drink drink drunk drunk.... then i wanna go toilet... while i'm peeing... my surrounding gets darker and darker and darker until i can't even see my own hand... suddenly... a small and weak light glowing in front of me... suddenly !! a face appeared from the light... the face keep looking at me and staring at me... and i keep praying until i finish peeing... after that i zip up my pants then try to walk off, that face of light followed me... wherever i go, he'll follow me ... after i left the toilet, i wanted to go back to the party... but everyone just disappeared... suddenly the house became so dusty and so creepy and spooky like no one's here for long... then i ran out from the house... it's a big endless green field... but all the grass are full of dust... gosh... also dunno how to describe... but somehow... the ghost... is helping me to watch my back... and giving me light at a darkest point...
something might be bad when you look at them physically... but... sometimes... you just can't judge anything by just seeing them... i... really wish my dream is telling me that everything's gonna be fine... maybe things are bad for now... they'll be better later on... never had a dream come true deeply described me now... everybody got something... they have to leave behind.... one regret from yesterday, that just seems to grow with time.... there's no use looking back or wondering... how it could be now or might have been... oh this i know but still i can't find ways to let you go...
i failed to kill my emotions... i failed to seal up my emotions... maybe, they're suppose to be there... keep forcing them to leave... i'll end up getting nothing
i'm the same as light, the same as wind
you hardly touch me but you can feel me... don't you think i'm really fake?? i mean as in like... i'm like one of those character in fairytale, or some exceptions character in a show?? it's like... i'm not just some random normal guy on the street ? haha... lately, i keep thinking back... what other people said bout me... the funny thing is, there's even guys that wish i'm a girl? cause seriously... too good?? not i wanna praise myself here but it's just the way i am... are you afraid that i might leave you someday?? or my attitude won't last for long... sometimes it's not i dun wan to angry, it's just that, i dun wan create any problem or any trouble... just be as humble as possible even though i know there are times i should really stand up for myself... it's not becausde i'm afraid or what... just dun wanna lose any friends of mine...
remember you told me, i'm the only guy that you have nothing to not satisfy with?? and you told me that i'm the only one that you can be frank all the time, and the one you can tell everything with?? i'm seriously happy when you said that... for some reasons, i feel like everyone having their hidden sentences... every sentence are said with different meanings... i dun expect much... i dun dare to hope for much... i'm just wishing that you have someone to talk to, someone to express to, someone that can lessen your burdens instead of making you feel pressured... i know... everything i do... everything i said... will just make you feel bad, feel guilthy... but.. i really wish i can at least be a friend that you'll reach for when you needed someone to...
you know... i always wish you're the lucky girl... the girl who won my heart... but... i just dunno what happened to me lately... i felt so lost all of a sudden... there's no way can stop me from being who i am right? but.. i think i really did control myself too well... until now, it's beyond my jurisdiction anymore... rasional? you know... emotions can take over rasionals...
remember you told me, i'm the only guy that you have nothing to not satisfy with?? and you told me that i'm the only one that you can be frank all the time, and the one you can tell everything with?? i'm seriously happy when you said that... for some reasons, i feel like everyone having their hidden sentences... every sentence are said with different meanings... i dun expect much... i dun dare to hope for much... i'm just wishing that you have someone to talk to, someone to express to, someone that can lessen your burdens instead of making you feel pressured... i know... everything i do... everything i said... will just make you feel bad, feel guilthy... but.. i really wish i can at least be a friend that you'll reach for when you needed someone to...
you know... i always wish you're the lucky girl... the girl who won my heart... but... i just dunno what happened to me lately... i felt so lost all of a sudden... there's no way can stop me from being who i am right? but.. i think i really did control myself too well... until now, it's beyond my jurisdiction anymore... rasional? you know... emotions can take over rasionals...
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Suicide [ Death Note ] The End
just like the title... it's a suicide... a death note... and this's the end
i wanted to apologize to whoever that always visit my blog... but, this is the last post...
after this,
i'm not gonna update anything bout my life, my love, my emotions, or anything like poems or stories...
after this,
it would be just all self hypnosis and lies everyday =) (thumbs up)
after this,
i dunno what i would post on my blog anymore...
just wait for the next post and we'll see how it goes...
and i realise 1 thing...
and i'm gonna do it...
something, that i've been doing for too long...
it's time to stop...
stop every single thing
i'm sorry but i loved you much ( to my blog )
and lastly,
bye~
i wanted to apologize to whoever that always visit my blog... but, this is the last post...
after this,
i'm not gonna update anything bout my life, my love, my emotions, or anything like poems or stories...
after this,
it would be just all self hypnosis and lies everyday =) (thumbs up)
after this,
i dunno what i would post on my blog anymore...
just wait for the next post and we'll see how it goes...
and i realise 1 thing...
and i'm gonna do it...
something, that i've been doing for too long...
it's time to stop...
stop every single thing
i'm sorry but i loved you much ( to my blog )
and lastly,
bye~
Thursday, January 14, 2010
my love, my dear, my darling
i'll never be a knight in armor
with a sword in hand, or a kamikaze fighter;
don't count on me to storm the barricades
and take a stand, or hold my ground;
you'll never see any scars or wounds
i don't walk on coals, I won't walk on water:
i am no prince, I am no saint,
i am not anyone's wildest dream,
but i can stand behind and be someone to fall back on.
honestly, you don't believe me
that the things I have are the things you need?
you look at me like I don't make sense,
like a waste of time, like it serves no purpose
if that's what you believe you need you're wrong
you don't need much, you need someone to fall back on...
and i'll be that: I'll take your side.
if i'm the only one, I'm used to that I've been alone, I'd rather be
the half of us, The least of you, The best of me.
and I will be your prince I'll be your saint,
i will go crashing through fences,
in your name. I will, I swear -
i'll be the one, who waits,
and for as long as you'll let me,
i will be the one you need.
i'll be someone to fall back on.
------------------------------------------------------
you sheltered me from harm, kept me warm,
you gave my life to me, set me free,
the finest's you i ever knew
all the months I had with you,
and i will give everything i owned,
give up my life, my heart, my home
just to have you
you taught me how to love, what is love
you never said too much
but still you showed you cared
and I knew from watching you
nobody else will ever know
the part of me that can't let go
with a sword in hand, or a kamikaze fighter;
don't count on me to storm the barricades
and take a stand, or hold my ground;
you'll never see any scars or wounds
i don't walk on coals, I won't walk on water:
i am no prince, I am no saint,
i am not anyone's wildest dream,
but i can stand behind and be someone to fall back on.
honestly, you don't believe me
that the things I have are the things you need?
you look at me like I don't make sense,
like a waste of time, like it serves no purpose
if that's what you believe you need you're wrong
you don't need much, you need someone to fall back on...
and i'll be that: I'll take your side.
if i'm the only one, I'm used to that I've been alone, I'd rather be
the half of us, The least of you, The best of me.
and I will be your prince I'll be your saint,
i will go crashing through fences,
in your name. I will, I swear -
i'll be the one, who waits,
and for as long as you'll let me,
i will be the one you need.
i'll be someone to fall back on.
------------------------------------------------------
you sheltered me from harm, kept me warm,
you gave my life to me, set me free,
the finest's you i ever knew
all the months I had with you,
and i will give everything i owned,
give up my life, my heart, my home
just to have you
you taught me how to love, what is love
you never said too much
but still you showed you cared
and I knew from watching you
nobody else will ever know
the part of me that can't let go
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
revealing the cards of mine
let's see... what i'm sensitive with... =P since so many ppl dunno... so... here, i let you know more
my whole body is sensitive to my own sweats, when there's excessive sweat from my body, those affected skin area will start to itch... and my skin will turn red in short period of time... normally i got it after sports =(
my face is sensitive to certain facial product, face will instantly turn red and darker red dots all over the face skin which contacted with the product... so far, oxy 10 and T3 i cannot use
my upper row of teeth is sensitive to cold freezing food like ice cream or sherbet... or maybe ice blended drinks... extreme ache when have the friction between food/drink and teeth
my lower row of teeth is sensitive to hot burning food... it'll ache if i drank liquid like hot soup or hot drinks like hot milo or hot coffee
my neck, hands, legs, nose are sensitive to dust... serious flu and itchiness all over the parts when contact with dust, usually got them when cleaning the house
my palm is sensitive to dirty water, examples are leftover food(at least 2days, while washing them/the plates/bowls that held them), prawn water (as in like... those prawns are soak into the water and waiting to be peeled) extremely itch and my skins on my palm will start peeling
these are the so far i can think of ones... haha... if you found out more, reminds me to edit it here, haha.... i very sensitive at almost every part !! >.<
my whole body is sensitive to my own sweats, when there's excessive sweat from my body, those affected skin area will start to itch... and my skin will turn red in short period of time... normally i got it after sports =(
my face is sensitive to certain facial product, face will instantly turn red and darker red dots all over the face skin which contacted with the product... so far, oxy 10 and T3 i cannot use
my upper row of teeth is sensitive to cold freezing food like ice cream or sherbet... or maybe ice blended drinks... extreme ache when have the friction between food/drink and teeth
my lower row of teeth is sensitive to hot burning food... it'll ache if i drank liquid like hot soup or hot drinks like hot milo or hot coffee
my neck, hands, legs, nose are sensitive to dust... serious flu and itchiness all over the parts when contact with dust, usually got them when cleaning the house
my palm is sensitive to dirty water, examples are leftover food(at least 2days, while washing them/the plates/bowls that held them), prawn water (as in like... those prawns are soak into the water and waiting to be peeled) extremely itch and my skins on my palm will start peeling
these are the so far i can think of ones... haha... if you found out more, reminds me to edit it here, haha.... i very sensitive at almost every part !! >.<
Sunday, January 10, 2010
really SHORT only
Being with you is all i ever wanted,
Only one thing i wanna say,
Only one thing i wanna do,
No one else can make me love you less.
Kiddy is what i am sometimes,
Humble is what i am always,
Initiative is definitely not what i have,
Toleration is what i have definitely.
Without knowing anything else,
I'm already in love with you,
Loving you like nothing else i should do,
Loving you like nothing else i could do.
And i do believe in fairytale,
Like anyone else
Who is believing in true love
And i want to let you know that
You're really beautiful the other night
Special night that i wouldn't forget
Loving you is really what i can do,
Only you can make me feel this way,
Various types of girl outside,
Except for you, the only one i couldn't love less
A girl that i love,
More than anything else,
A name that i think of every moment,
No one else can represent her in my heart,
Dealing with her is what i wanna do everyday,
And i wish i could spend my life with her.
thank god you never fall in love with me now, i feel my life is so screwed for some reason, sometimes, i really dunno how to continue life anymore, those things which stopping me from going after you, it's getting more and more... i want that, one day, when you fall in love with me, i'm someone that can give you hapiness, security, and a life of prosperity... i dun wan myself to really loved by someone now, cause i know it's not worth it... friends love still okay, but if it's the love for the one she wanna spend her life with me, i somehow felt that it's just not the time yet... the current me is just so not stable and steady yet... and i know it's not up to me to decide bout all these... but i really wish everything will be just nice...
patience... am i really that patient? i'm not really sure bout that... i feel like... it's more like i can do nothing else... example : waiting for ktm for 2 hours + ?? because that's the only way i get home, i can do nothing else except for waiting for it... yar, you might get impatient waiting for it, but... what else is there for me to do? or like... washing dishes for hours?? ahh, that's not patience i guess?? i'm just doing things slow cause i want them to be clean in the perfect condition? haha... dunno lar, maybe it's better for others to tell me cause i really can't feel that i'm a patient person... i always lose my temper at home... haha... or maybe in msn/sms... XD i just dun really like showing expressions that bring harm to others? i dunno, i dun even like smiling... and probably you can hardly hear i laugh, cause i laugh = no sound....
today, when i was sitting lrt to kl central at 8am, there's 2 women sitting beside me... talking bout their life... somehow, again, i think i'm fated to hear that... it really brightens my mind... it taught me how to view life in a more open way... 1 of the woman, having 4 daughters with her, her husband ran away with another woman... but the 4 daughters stayed with her... she's kinda lucky... her daughters are all... highly educated ones... 2 studying bout filming, 1 nurse and 1 accountancy... but she dun get the love from the man she loved anymore, which i think it's super saddening... the other woman, she has a friend... 70++ years old... having 2 daughters, but 1 is adopted since young, and the other one is found somewhere outside, i mean... something like anak angkat but not the one who stay with her since she born... that means 2 daughters also not her own daughter... no blood relation... she actually got pregnant twice but both also gone while they're in the placenta? forgot what you call it, but it's when inside her stomach that time.... and her husband passed away early...
this 2 incidents... or maybe this 2 story... made me realise... life's really hard... a single mother with 4 daughters? a single mother with no real daughters? haiz... i felt lucky somehow...
ok, i should stop now...
Only one thing i wanna say,
Only one thing i wanna do,
No one else can make me love you less.
Kiddy is what i am sometimes,
Humble is what i am always,
Initiative is definitely not what i have,
Toleration is what i have definitely.
Without knowing anything else,
I'm already in love with you,
Loving you like nothing else i should do,
Loving you like nothing else i could do.
And i do believe in fairytale,
Like anyone else
Who is believing in true love
And i want to let you know that
You're really beautiful the other night
Special night that i wouldn't forget
Loving you is really what i can do,
Only you can make me feel this way,
Various types of girl outside,
Except for you, the only one i couldn't love less
A girl that i love,
More than anything else,
A name that i think of every moment,
No one else can represent her in my heart,
Dealing with her is what i wanna do everyday,
And i wish i could spend my life with her.
thank god you never fall in love with me now, i feel my life is so screwed for some reason, sometimes, i really dunno how to continue life anymore, those things which stopping me from going after you, it's getting more and more... i want that, one day, when you fall in love with me, i'm someone that can give you hapiness, security, and a life of prosperity... i dun wan myself to really loved by someone now, cause i know it's not worth it... friends love still okay, but if it's the love for the one she wanna spend her life with me, i somehow felt that it's just not the time yet... the current me is just so not stable and steady yet... and i know it's not up to me to decide bout all these... but i really wish everything will be just nice...
patience... am i really that patient? i'm not really sure bout that... i feel like... it's more like i can do nothing else... example : waiting for ktm for 2 hours + ?? because that's the only way i get home, i can do nothing else except for waiting for it... yar, you might get impatient waiting for it, but... what else is there for me to do? or like... washing dishes for hours?? ahh, that's not patience i guess?? i'm just doing things slow cause i want them to be clean in the perfect condition? haha... dunno lar, maybe it's better for others to tell me cause i really can't feel that i'm a patient person... i always lose my temper at home... haha... or maybe in msn/sms... XD i just dun really like showing expressions that bring harm to others? i dunno, i dun even like smiling... and probably you can hardly hear i laugh, cause i laugh = no sound....
today, when i was sitting lrt to kl central at 8am, there's 2 women sitting beside me... talking bout their life... somehow, again, i think i'm fated to hear that... it really brightens my mind... it taught me how to view life in a more open way... 1 of the woman, having 4 daughters with her, her husband ran away with another woman... but the 4 daughters stayed with her... she's kinda lucky... her daughters are all... highly educated ones... 2 studying bout filming, 1 nurse and 1 accountancy... but she dun get the love from the man she loved anymore, which i think it's super saddening... the other woman, she has a friend... 70++ years old... having 2 daughters, but 1 is adopted since young, and the other one is found somewhere outside, i mean... something like anak angkat but not the one who stay with her since she born... that means 2 daughters also not her own daughter... no blood relation... she actually got pregnant twice but both also gone while they're in the placenta? forgot what you call it, but it's when inside her stomach that time.... and her husband passed away early...
this 2 incidents... or maybe this 2 story... made me realise... life's really hard... a single mother with 4 daughters? a single mother with no real daughters? haiz... i felt lucky somehow...
ok, i should stop now...
Friday, January 8, 2010
is there even a way to stop?
been doing this one step at a time... really going slow and smooth... but lately... i'm really thinking... is there any way that i can stop this pain ? last night, 330am ~ 730am, or should i say this morning? whenever i close my eyes, she'll appear in my mind... i've tried ways like, focus on my breathing, try to bring out something that someone else gave me, but all i'm thinking is still her... it's like... i can't slot anyone else in... of course i'm not blaming her, it was my choice after all.. for the first time in my life, i'm like sleeping in pain... not just like the heart aching as before, but this time it's like... my mind is gonna burst !! have you ever feel like your head is burning but not because of fever? that you just wanna squeeze everything out from your mind ?? i'm even begging to whatever there is, i just wanted to sleep... somehow my mind just can't do that for me, just wouldn't let me sleep in peace... and for the first time... my tears are dropping, just hoping to sleep without these pain... gosh... i go where, whose house, wherever i go, i also can't sleep unless i'm really tired.... i even stayed awake for like 32hours the other days, i tried almost all ways to make myself tired... just wishing for a nice sleep !!
maybe... i really need amethyst, maybe... i really need pearl in my room... or...a peridot to bring me joy and happiness...
it's time to stop all these craps !! i'm not making things out, it's seriously happening on me... ahh !!
maybe... i really need amethyst, maybe... i really need pearl in my room... or...a peridot to bring me joy and happiness...
it's time to stop all these craps !! i'm not making things out, it's seriously happening on me... ahh !!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
got inspired again, tonight....
it's feeling once again, my readers... haha... this time gonna explain bout my love~ well... i never knew it can be that hurt for loving someone... i only started to notice... when we truely love someone and we can't get her/him ( i'll use her in my post k ? )... i'm feeling like bella in twilight now... almost everyday my heart is aching for missing the someone i love... sometimes it really aches til i wanna scream in the middle of the night... loving someone so deep... it's like... only happens like 1 in a million? gosh... now i know how bella feels... the pain in her heart every night disturbing her sleep... haha...
and i got this thinking just now... you're like a passenger in a bus... from the day i met you, i entered the bus... all this while... i'm travelling around along with you in the bus... we 2... sitting there... seeing ppl coming up and going down like those ppl we thought we're in love with... but... they're just passer by... and, it depends on them, whether wanna sit near us to know us more, or just sit somewhere further... bus door at the front, you're sitting at the middle and i'm sitting at the back... all this while... all the ppl we've seen... just like that~ and i placed those positions in that way, cause... i'm seeing you all the time... i mean... i put you before me... hehe... and guess what, here's the funniest part... we 2 sitting at this 1 bus... and this bus will never reach a destination where we both can go down... and... i just want to see you leaving me safely... that's why i chose to sit at the back...
i dunno how is it... but that's all i'm feeling tonight... bella's pain and the bus thing... the whole idea's just... like that... hehe...
I ЃOΛE λOn like i always do =)
and i got this thinking just now... you're like a passenger in a bus... from the day i met you, i entered the bus... all this while... i'm travelling around along with you in the bus... we 2... sitting there... seeing ppl coming up and going down like those ppl we thought we're in love with... but... they're just passer by... and, it depends on them, whether wanna sit near us to know us more, or just sit somewhere further... bus door at the front, you're sitting at the middle and i'm sitting at the back... all this while... all the ppl we've seen... just like that~ and i placed those positions in that way, cause... i'm seeing you all the time... i mean... i put you before me... hehe... and guess what, here's the funniest part... we 2 sitting at this 1 bus... and this bus will never reach a destination where we both can go down... and... i just want to see you leaving me safely... that's why i chose to sit at the back...
i dunno how is it... but that's all i'm feeling tonight... bella's pain and the bus thing... the whole idea's just... like that... hehe...
I ЃOΛE λOn like i always do =)
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
understood
Introduction
feeling, something really weird... but i know... it's real this time... this one girl... made me realise... those girls in my past... were like... just names... names to fill in the answer space when someone ask me : who's your target now? who do you like now? and etc ...
every time i meet her, i feel like i'm at a big green field, riding on a white and well tamed horse... with a flying castle on the sky, waterfalls around it, and unicorns flying~ everytime she's around... it's making my heart beats faster... sometimes i dun even know what i'm doing, just like the coffee, i end up being so not professional... XD somehow when i do stuff around her... she's the only one i'm thinking... and somehow, every moment became precious to have her around... and... everyone dun hav to be perfect, dun hav to keep trying hard to be a better person... cause when someone really loves you... you'll be perfect naturally... because he/she will look beyond your imperfections... i dun mind waiting every 3 months just to have a day or two of joy... you just dun know how grateful i am to have you around... how great you are to brighten my days, my dreams... how glad i am to have known you in my life... you've painted my walls with colours...
Chapter 3
if you love something/someone, let it/him/her go. if it comes back to you, its yours. if it doesn't, it never was... yar... many ppl think this way, and maybe it's the correct way... but to me... it's just half true... cause if everyone is thinking that way, everyone let it go... then what and whose gonna pair you up ? cause everyone just let go and wait for the ms right or mr right... somehow someone have to work hard to go after someone they love right? it gotto be balanced... 1 wait and 1 go for it.... 1 let go, and 1 catches the other one... no one say love gonna be easy, no one say life gonna be easy, and no one say love life gonna be easy... in this love life, somehow we need the right person, right place and right timing for it... if not.... everything's just so not yours... eventhough you're fated to be with this guy or this girl, but if you never work hard to maintain this relationship... i'm sorry, you've wasted your fate... dun let the fate or god do all the job, we, ourselves have to work hard for what we want, who we love...
Chapter 4
every boy wants to have a girl that can point at them and say out proudly : this is my guy... a guy who changed my life... of course... i'm not in the exclusion list... i'm same like other guys... a guy who wanted a girl... who he can spend the rest of his life with... a girl that willing to spend her time listening to his problems when he's feeling down or stressed, a girl that willing to listen to his dream eventhough she can't confirmed it's true, a girl that will count on him no matter what happens, a girl who supports him no matter what... and i wish to be the guy... a guy who's able to say : dear, dun worry, i'm here for you and it's just a nightmare when you're having nightmare at night... a guy who can comfort you when you're crying, a guy who can make you smile, who can brighten your days, a guy that you know you can trust no matter what happens, a guy you would reach for when you needed someone... a guy that you would hug and say : dear, i'm feeling cold and i need you now...
Ending/Beginning
somehow, i'm just so in love with this one girl... a girl i know i would live for, a girl i know i would die for... a girl i wanted to care so much, protect so much... and i'm just a guy who's waiting for his true love to be delivered... i do believe fairy tales are for real, and this love story will be in the history... as long as we hold our faith... everything's possible... believe in what we want but not what we were asked to... afterall, we're living for us...
feeling, something really weird... but i know... it's real this time... this one girl... made me realise... those girls in my past... were like... just names... names to fill in the answer space when someone ask me : who's your target now? who do you like now? and etc ...
Chapter 1
this girl... made my time frozen... i'll never realise how much time i spent for her... everything just gotten so fast when she's around... looking at her for 20 minutes feels like 2 seconds... thinking bout her for 3 hours feels like 3 minutes... i never felt this way before... sometimes, i really wish i can just wrap my hand around her waist, and whisper to her ears, you look gorgeous today... everything's so wonderful when she's around... but, she made me realise... how hard life is... everyday, we'll have to work hard just to live on... and also, everyday, we're living in lies... and ppl like me, digging truth everyday and end up hate myself being so busy-body... but sometimes, i felt like i'm fated to know the truths... there are so many truths that i shouldn't know, shouldn't tell... somehow i fated to know, somehow i'm tested, and somehow i'm at the passing line... i'm pushing myself real hard just to stay standing, stay strong... after knowing so much truth... sometimes i even think, why is it so hard now? why must it be so hard for me? but i'm still believing that... things are hard for now because they're gonna be easier in the future... she also made me realise, how life can be so wonderful... how life can be so beautiful within such a short period of time... somehow the 1 hour of joy can cover 1 year of sorrow...
every time i meet her, i feel like i'm at a big green field, riding on a white and well tamed horse... with a flying castle on the sky, waterfalls around it, and unicorns flying~ everytime she's around... it's making my heart beats faster... sometimes i dun even know what i'm doing, just like the coffee, i end up being so not professional... XD somehow when i do stuff around her... she's the only one i'm thinking... and somehow, every moment became precious to have her around... and... everyone dun hav to be perfect, dun hav to keep trying hard to be a better person... cause when someone really loves you... you'll be perfect naturally... because he/she will look beyond your imperfections... i dun mind waiting every 3 months just to have a day or two of joy... you just dun know how grateful i am to have you around... how great you are to brighten my days, my dreams... how glad i am to have known you in my life... you've painted my walls with colours...
Chapter 3
if you love something/someone, let it/him/her go. if it comes back to you, its yours. if it doesn't, it never was... yar... many ppl think this way, and maybe it's the correct way... but to me... it's just half true... cause if everyone is thinking that way, everyone let it go... then what and whose gonna pair you up ? cause everyone just let go and wait for the ms right or mr right... somehow someone have to work hard to go after someone they love right? it gotto be balanced... 1 wait and 1 go for it.... 1 let go, and 1 catches the other one... no one say love gonna be easy, no one say life gonna be easy, and no one say love life gonna be easy... in this love life, somehow we need the right person, right place and right timing for it... if not.... everything's just so not yours... eventhough you're fated to be with this guy or this girl, but if you never work hard to maintain this relationship... i'm sorry, you've wasted your fate... dun let the fate or god do all the job, we, ourselves have to work hard for what we want, who we love...
Chapter 4
every boy wants to have a girl that can point at them and say out proudly : this is my guy... a guy who changed my life... of course... i'm not in the exclusion list... i'm same like other guys... a guy who wanted a girl... who he can spend the rest of his life with... a girl that willing to spend her time listening to his problems when he's feeling down or stressed, a girl that willing to listen to his dream eventhough she can't confirmed it's true, a girl that will count on him no matter what happens, a girl who supports him no matter what... and i wish to be the guy... a guy who's able to say : dear, dun worry, i'm here for you and it's just a nightmare when you're having nightmare at night... a guy who can comfort you when you're crying, a guy who can make you smile, who can brighten your days, a guy that you know you can trust no matter what happens, a guy you would reach for when you needed someone... a guy that you would hug and say : dear, i'm feeling cold and i need you now...
Ending/Beginning
somehow, i'm just so in love with this one girl... a girl i know i would live for, a girl i know i would die for... a girl i wanted to care so much, protect so much... and i'm just a guy who's waiting for his true love to be delivered... i do believe fairy tales are for real, and this love story will be in the history... as long as we hold our faith... everything's possible... believe in what we want but not what we were asked to... afterall, we're living for us...
Saturday, January 2, 2010
2nd Jan 2010
yay!! it's the 2nd day of 2010 and i'm emoing right here right now in front of my own com.... reason? cause it started badly right at 12am... i'm feeling so freaking down now... may jin came to msn me a while... then she go sleep d... now... xin zhen's temaning me... with all my emo emo talks...
wanna know what happened?
- chatted some bad topics.... which ruined my mood
- can't get things back to normal... and getting worse and worse, ruin my mood to even worse stage
- and... when i found out there's no point angrying... i cried... i angry but i cry at the same time
reason? cause i dun like to fight/argue/quarrel with the people i love... i dun even wan them to feel bad... my tears will just fall like waterfall... it's just the 2nd day of 2010 and i cried... just now that scene so dramatic... i'm typing in msn and sms, the tears dripping on the table.... haha !! loser wei me... like that also can cry... but seriously... if you were me... you can feel my heart is seriously aching when i'm doing something bad to someone i love... that would include my family members too... i really felt that heart aching.... and i'm sure it got affected by my emotional nerves at that moment.... i hate crying !! everytime i cry it's because i know i did something in the incorrect way....
- and guess what... i saw the gas's on at 1am + but i din bother it.... 3am+ i smelled something burnt.... so i went to off the gas and open the lid to see what's inside the pan... a black thick smoke just blast out like that.... and i got choked by smoke.... after that my fingers got burnt cause the lid is freaking hot out of a sudden... when i first open it, it's still not hot... got choked nevermind ! got burnt nevermind ! but they choke and burn me at my lowest point of mood !! i almost throw the damm lid at those plates and bowls at the kitchen... can you tell me what could be worse??? so probably my fault for not checking it at 1am + ? i not sure, cause my mom loves to cook thing overnight !!
ok, bad mood - nvm! badder mood - nvm !! got choked by black smoke of burnt chicken -nvm !!! got burnt by a hot lid - nvm !!!! i can handle... i can handle .... !! you can do it, bk !! yeah mann !! so... probably... 3 hours of my 2nd Jan 2010 screwed my happiness of 31st dec 2009 and 1st jan 2010... but... no matter what... i'll remembe 31st dec 2009 and 1st jan 2010... my special days =) but seriously... i'm still down now...
half way blog, half way chat with xin zhen... now he also offline d, i'm all alone d... haha... oh ya, i need to thank someone tomorrow.... for saving my whole family's life.... someone who kept me awake til the chicken got burnt.... someone i made emo but end up i emo .... someone special... just wanna say thank you.... i guess... it's just all fated to be in that way tonight
wanna know what happened?
- chatted some bad topics.... which ruined my mood
- can't get things back to normal... and getting worse and worse, ruin my mood to even worse stage
- and... when i found out there's no point angrying... i cried... i angry but i cry at the same time
reason? cause i dun like to fight/argue/quarrel with the people i love... i dun even wan them to feel bad... my tears will just fall like waterfall... it's just the 2nd day of 2010 and i cried... just now that scene so dramatic... i'm typing in msn and sms, the tears dripping on the table.... haha !! loser wei me... like that also can cry... but seriously... if you were me... you can feel my heart is seriously aching when i'm doing something bad to someone i love... that would include my family members too... i really felt that heart aching.... and i'm sure it got affected by my emotional nerves at that moment.... i hate crying !! everytime i cry it's because i know i did something in the incorrect way....
- and guess what... i saw the gas's on at 1am + but i din bother it.... 3am+ i smelled something burnt.... so i went to off the gas and open the lid to see what's inside the pan... a black thick smoke just blast out like that.... and i got choked by smoke.... after that my fingers got burnt cause the lid is freaking hot out of a sudden... when i first open it, it's still not hot... got choked nevermind ! got burnt nevermind ! but they choke and burn me at my lowest point of mood !! i almost throw the damm lid at those plates and bowls at the kitchen... can you tell me what could be worse??? so probably my fault for not checking it at 1am + ? i not sure, cause my mom loves to cook thing overnight !!
ok, bad mood - nvm! badder mood - nvm !! got choked by black smoke of burnt chicken -nvm !!! got burnt by a hot lid - nvm !!!! i can handle... i can handle .... !! you can do it, bk !! yeah mann !! so... probably... 3 hours of my 2nd Jan 2010 screwed my happiness of 31st dec 2009 and 1st jan 2010... but... no matter what... i'll remembe 31st dec 2009 and 1st jan 2010... my special days =) but seriously... i'm still down now...
half way blog, half way chat with xin zhen... now he also offline d, i'm all alone d... haha... oh ya, i need to thank someone tomorrow.... for saving my whole family's life.... someone who kept me awake til the chicken got burnt.... someone i made emo but end up i emo .... someone special... just wanna say thank you.... i guess... it's just all fated to be in that way tonight
Friday, January 1, 2010
last day of 2009 and 1st day of 2010
for the first time, we spend so much time together... =P although there are moments i really dunno what to say or what to do, but i know... as long as i'm with you... i feel warm... haha...
well, can say 31st of december 2009, was my best day for the past 18 years !! >.< i rate my day 8/10 !! cause got many parts i din do my "job" well.. haha...
really dunno how to describe the day ler, overall it's satisfying and happy ending of 2009 la... haha...
bout 1st Jan 2010, i tried so many first time thing... and most of them actually feels good... haha... some things... i dun even care bout the rules anymore... just do it !! haha... oops...
really wish to list out all the first time things... but... just dun wan ppl to say me childish, cause i felt so... haha !! but seriously i'm so happy lar... i start missing the 16 hours + - i spent with you... XD
well, can say 31st of december 2009, was my best day for the past 18 years !! >.< i rate my day 8/10 !! cause got many parts i din do my "job" well.. haha...
really dunno how to describe the day ler, overall it's satisfying and happy ending of 2009 la... haha...
bout 1st Jan 2010, i tried so many first time thing... and most of them actually feels good... haha... some things... i dun even care bout the rules anymore... just do it !! haha... oops...
really wish to list out all the first time things... but... just dun wan ppl to say me childish, cause i felt so... haha !! but seriously i'm so happy lar... i start missing the 16 hours + - i spent with you... XD
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