i think i can't make it

it's just so hard to separate this stupid sadness of mine from my life... i tried and tried again... but it's just so hard to put my sadness in the other blog and put my sadness away from me... it's always here and it'll never fade...

life is not a bed of roses... even if it's full of roses... they still have thorns... although they look beautiful from the top, but they actually have thorns on the stem... life can never be easy for everyone, as everyone have different challenges... sometimes you'll be glad that you're not rich cause many rich children duno how to do housecores =) be glad that you're still able to do housecores on your own...

i'm back from a 3 days trip to genting... supposingly relaxing myself... but i think i just can't make it... relax is not in my dictionary... it's just the beginning of my life... counted just now...

2009 March ~ June = work
2009 June ~ September = NS
2009 September ~ December = work
2010 January ~ 2011 July = if i'm going for form 6 then
2011 July ~ December = work while waiting for stpm result
2012~2015 = university

2016 = graduation year and i'm 25 years old.... SO OLD

so, now i'm totally lost and i really got no directions anymore... and this study thing isn't the only that's bothering me... and love... i just dun understand my self... what am i anymore... no matter how many times i tell myself i can do it, i can hang on, i can stand on... each time i make myself disappointed, and falling down again and again... for all this while, i thought i can really stand on and will never drop tears anymore... but why am i feeling so pain everytime... i wanted to comfort myself so badly...

today is the 240th day... i hope it will last forever

human are designed for not to swear.... i notice something... when you swear you'll love someone forever, it will never works... cause the swear is only for you to say on your wedding day... especially at my age... i shouldn't do so... cause the fate will change... what i want now is to love not to swear... you're 2nd in my heart cause first will be the family... unless you're in my family, then you'll be the first...

wanted to laugh so badly,
wanted to smile so badly;
dun wan to feel sad anymore,
dun wan to feel hurt anymore.