Am i sick or suck ??

hohoho, today is the most special day in high school?? it's our high school graduation day ~
the day started quite well but the ending quite bad... cause i've missed my chance i guess??

hmm, i finally get to see her in school, and i'm glad she reached school safely... before we form 5s go to hall, i get to look into her eyes, it's like, i wanted to tell her something and she has something to tell me also?? i felt that at that moment... but end up we looked away... in the hall, i'm chicken like mad, i duno why i dun even dare to take picture with her, it's like my very the last chance get to take picture with her in uniform.... after that was too busy with the class arrangement... so din get to talk to her at all... really wish can sit down and chat like how we did under a full moon and a sky that is full of stars....

after school, i'm so stupid and i asked a question : should i open my umbrella?? i'm so freaking dumb, she told me that the weather is very hot already, i should've open my umbrella straight and hold for her instead of asking that dumb question... nvm, after i asked, when i really got the guts to do so, my umbrella got rampas by a friend of mine... my plan failed once again... not to say plan, but i'm really trying my hardest... things never go hard when i do it on other ppl, i duno why am i so retard in front of her... and i really duno why... i dun really like to talk to her when so many ppl is around, sometimes really feel like bringing her to somewhere that is quiet... heh, but i know i dun dare to do so de la.... =( once again seeing her leaving me... i duno who is she looking at, but at the very last second i get to look into her eyes once again.... at first thought i can walk her home after tuition cause she'll be going my tuition's place, but end up she went home with another friend's car(1 minute before tuition starts), how nice if i can drive her everyday... sob sob

when i was walking home(1 hour before tuition, i went home to change clothes), i saw a girl, around 100m in front of me, wearing baju kurung, holding a white bag, walking in the same direction, i really thought it was her at that moment, so i thought i finally can talk to her, but end up it's just a normal girl walking home... she's so special to me that i duno what word i can use to describe her, sometimes i really feel i'm such a jerk, like just hanging it on my mouth and there's no action at all?? maybe the things i did just not good enough... am i really sick? lovesick?? taking lovedrugs??? thinking of her every moment?? or am i really suck?? that i dun dare to do or say anything in front of her?? yar, every single and each of us should concentrate in spm... but i just can't stop thinking bout her...

but dun worry la, i'll do my best in my spm, with that 2 messages, no matter what happens also can't stop me from studying i guess?? it's such a BIG MOTIVATION to me... after she tells me that, i really felt that i'm motivated...

> i might be a good boy, but i'm not a good guy, i can't even make her smile, i can't even speak well when she's around, i'm really suck being a good guy... maybe i'm a boy forever?? with my little dream world and little princess <

First time really expressed what i'm thinking, sorry if it's kinda long and boring