something i noticed

hmm, i noticed that... we, human... always see negative things more important/1st to come compare to positive stuff... well... you see... in a relationship, when he/she is doing all the great stuff, the other one will just like : aww~ you're so sweet, i love you... but when he/she made a mistake, arguement will come~ or like cold war ~ don't talk at all and stuff... yar, i understand that we all will feel angry or somehow disappointed when your partner made a mistake that you never liked/never wish he/she will make... but... a mistake can wipe off all the great moments you guys had? those great stuff he/she did? well, i can't really comment much cause i'm a single guy... i never faced those tornado, typhoon, cold war, ice age!! with the other person... so... that's just my opinion lar, why ppl can ignore all the goods because of 1 bad? >.<

ok, let's not talk bout relationship ones... talk bout normal family stuff... example, school results... no matter how many As you get, they just feel happy for you or like ask you to maintain it... but once you failed any subject, words like : see, ask you study dun wan, everyday play play play... now fail d lar... or like : how can you fail?? never study?? or stuff like that... not to say ALL but seldom will have like : oh, you failed? just try harder next time and score better.... seldom you'll see parents focus more on improvements than grades...

next thing is bout housecore, no matter how clean you cleaned the house, they will like just... wa, you cleaned those? not bad not bad, keep it up... but once they felt that bit of dust, then started to scold : you everyday at home, very busy hor? dunno how to clean the house ah ?!?! gosh... i'm so sick of ppl not appreciating.... not just family, but friends also... haiz... life....shit mann... when will it change to become better?

friends

hmmm, something just flash by my mind... and made me thought for a while... hmmm...

using basketball and cheerleading as example... your team...

when your team win - everyone celebrate together
when your team lose - everyone sad together
when you made your team wins - it's either everyone happy for you, or some might jealous of you
when you made your team loses - it's either some ppl comfort you or some ppl blame you

i wonder what's the feeling of being in a team... like... do your friends actually supported you all the time? or they just really treat you as a teammate only... like just to team up and perform together... or behind the stage, they really cared for you... hmm...

i couldn't explain or express what's running in my mind, cause sometimes it's just so hard to transform them into words and publish it out...

haha, read back the post, i dun really saying what's on my mind... i mean, i dun really get what myself is trying to say also... LOLx

stop my damm freaking past

ya ya ya, sukie sukie sukie... i admit that i used to say that i'll love sukie forever... but i din say that to her, i say to my friends only... that's why i think like, there's no commitment at all was made... you know i feel really annoyed when some of you ppl still saying : "i remember last time you say you'll love sukie forever and never change, how you know your love towards manda won't change this time?" gosh... it's so irritating whenever i heard that mann...

ya, i used to think that way and say things that way... but... can't you ppl change your damm thinking meh? din you notice everytime when you say i used to love sukie, i always dun give any response? cause i really dun wan to get into any arguement, it's not that i'm speechless bout it... ya, maybe i'm speechless bout it, but that was the past for god's sake... why keep bringing it out in front of so many ppl and keep saying bout it? i used to be "stupid" or rather immature... cause i even thought of buying a car with the number plat of WSQ1314? ya... funny...

and as for now... i din always bring out the topic "manda" right? because i din commit anything to her yet... and you got hear from me that i'll love manda forever? the answer is no!! because i've learnt how to think now... unlike form 4's me... ya, i can't guarantee i'll love manda forever as the ME i am now... no one can guarantee, even if they promised you, they can break their promises any time they want... because as who i am now, i can't give the secure feeling, that kind of assurance to manda... because i always knew that i'm not good enough for anyone yet...

ya ya ya, many ppl say i'm good, i'm kind, i'm a good listener, i'm a good friend or whatsoever... but deep down inside, i know i'm not good, i'm not kind, dun even mention a good listener or a good friend... i know i've been always a trouble to ppl... cause i never make decisions whenever we hang out, i can never handle calls or decide like where to meet, where to eat or stuff like that... when ppl call me and ask : "hey, what movie are we watching later? and what time is it?" i can't answer questions like that cause i never have enough confidence in myself and i really afraid of making decisions....

i always thought like i can be good to others... but sometimes the things i do, it's just too over... sometimes i'm just trying to help but end up making more troubles or problems... that's why i'm used to like... not making any decisions at all... every decisions i made, there's problems around... i'm trying to improve myself in any ways i can...

can just stop saying what i used to say bout sukie? i'm starting to get annoyed by my dumbness? f*** it mann...

P.S. not trying to say sukie not good but just how bad was i...

i'm sort of "back"

i notice, the recent me... is so back to the old me... the little emo boy... haha... i don't know how to describe what i'm feeling now... but... after listening to those old songs... i mean... songs with memories... so many songs reminding me bout the past... those sweet moments, those chats... now... everyone is moving forward, and i'm staying the same? i know myself is getting weaker... i really don't know how to describe all these... i'm feeling myself like... hmm... am i not ready for a relationship? am i just dare not to confess? or what? there's just too many question marks in my mind... time is the best way to show me a clearer view, guide me with clues

sometimes, i'm just feeling so weird, after knowing so much... i really afraid i can't give what you want... sometimes i really feel like i dun deserve you... i mean... you're just too great for my life... ya, i have to agree that love is to look beyond the imperfections... because seriously you're the 100% perfect girl to me... "十全十美, sap qun sap mei" sometimes i really blaming myself... how can i be so helpless? i can't even do a simple thing...

seeing you smile is the greatest thing
making you smile is the happiest thing
loving your smile is the most beautiful thing

too bad, i can only do the 3rd one... failed to do the 1st and 2nd ones...

this year, 295 days gone... and i've only met you 3 times... if i'm not mistaken... knowing you is the greatest part of my life and the most beautiful happening in my life... and i seriously dun hope it's the worst part of your life for knowing me... =(

L L L - the song where the love begins

thinking

it's time to start appreciating what we have instead of being jealous of what the others have...

sometimes we just dunno how lucky we are actually... for experiencing something different than the others... or having something some other ppl dun hav... there's many 1 and only thing on earth... maybe you having 1 of those? just try to listen more from others... you'll realise how lucky you are... you'll be appreciating instead of complaining... be grateful, be glad that you have those memories, experiences, special stuff, hand made gifts, presents from friends...

think
- how many ppl din receive birthday present before
- how many ppl din celebrate their birthday with a cake and wishes
- how many ppl din attend or have a party for their birthday before
- how many ppl actually get to celebrate his/her birthday with a bunch of friends? (if you had, you should be grateful that your friends cared for you, instead of thinking why they care for you last time but not now?)

everyone has their life and their own problems, they can't stay beside us all the time, we just have to learn how to face problems on our own...

that's all for today, just thought of this =P

11th October 2009

it was a blast !! it started quite bad... cause me and kean lip were late for the gather time, which is 11am 11min 11sec but we arrived at 12pm 05min =( nvm... we're forgiven by the 3 misses and mr tee... haha...

went gasoline for our brunch... hmm... whole meal we're talking bout the waitress there... got 1 waitress, she's beautiful and sweet~ her voice... gosh... hear d feels like hearing it again... haha !! too bad she only like, give us the menu and take the menu from us... after that din see her d... the food was served by some other girl... me and my other friend keep like... err... wanted to see her... LOL... end up we only meet her when we're leaving the gasoline... her image still in my mind... haha... in gasoline, 1 of my friend like... crazy !! keep taking our pictures and laugh on her own... even when we take her picture, she also laugh non-stop... the funniest expression from her is " it's gonna explode !! " ... lolz

after our lunch, we meet up with sam !! oops, why is he empty handed?? no clothes?? how are we going to lagoon then?? >.< accompanied sam to buy the "equipments" and went in lagoon after that... hehe... inside there, gosh... our ms crazies... all keep laughing non-stop... made me keep laughing too, but almost vomit ==" it was a fun day =) never regret going for it ... hehe...

if you know mandarin, might as well visit my mandarin blog... =) i can describe with more feelings i guess.... cause the whole happening was in mandarin form... haha... my blog link is on the right =)

trust ?

hehe, define trust?? hard question...

if base on dictionary,

1. Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.
2. Custody; care.
3. Something committed into the care of another; charge.
4. Reliance on something in the future; hope.

1. To have or place confidence in; depend on.
2. To expect with assurance; assume
3. To believe: I trust what you say.
4. To place in the care of another; entrust.
5. To grant discretion to confidently6. To extend credit to.

this is what you'll get...

trust, to me... it's a new word... as in my life... i'm seldom expose to such thing called trust... because it's just too hard to believe that such thing still exist... ppl around... will just keep ignoring the faith you've put on them, and just keep on betraying you with your "trust" on them... the more you trusted them, the easier they "use" you, everyone is taking advantages around... putting trust on someone, it's just so not a right thing to do... i've been betrayed again and again... i'm losing my trust on others, but i still believe that ppl will realise... how much they've hurt me... how much faith i put on them... and i do agree with my friend, once you know your trust has been betrayed... it hurts our heart and soul really badly... i don't know what else i could say bout trust... seriously... it's fading in my dictionary....

L I F E

what you understand bout this 4 alphabets ?? you're living in it for how long?? do you really understand what it is ??

life is something that we MUST live in?? can anyone separate themselves with life ?? no way mann... once your life is gone, your person is gone too... and life... isn't something we can really control, we can only make changes... but sometimes... what's going to happen, it's going to happen too... we can't change it... and guess what... the hardest part of life is life itself... because life isn't predictable, we can't prepare to face what we gonna face... that's why we have friends, that's why we have family... family... somewhere for you to learn before you going further in the future... bad or good... all start from the family... train yourself before you expose yourself to the real world... the real REAL world... ppl work smart... ppl dun work hard... sometimes, certificates aren't that important...

so many ppl succeed without having high educations level... so many ppl created things without learning much in school... life... no one say it's going to be easy... ppl only say take it easy... because everyone know life's hard and life's what we, only ourselves can solve in our own life... problems in life... ppl around can only guide you, suggest you, assist you, in the end, you'll still have to solve it on your own will and effort... never make life hard for yourself, ppl~

surrounding is our biggest enemy in life, but it can be our best friend too... many things will happen around us, you wanna take it as lesson, or take it as test, or wanna make it something that bring you down, it's up to you... what's most close to you? family... you spend most of your time with them for now... that's why we have learn, practise, and realise how hard to run a family... just try to CREATE any lessons you can from what's happening around...

argue - try to get some points in it... even sometimes you feel that, they're arguing for nothing... but there's always something in it... sometimes... your parents wanted you to know something, realise something... your friends... sometimes they want you to notice what you've been not knowing for ages... argue, seems like something bad from the physical, but having lesson behind every arguement...

smile - fake smile? real slime? happy smile? awkward smile? even a simple smile can make different changes and different thoughts... smile, can make your mood better, but it can also help you to get over something...

i dunno what else to write... there's just so much things i learnt and i wish everyone would learn the same thing too... but, it's just too much... AND i'm not being positive all the time, just that i'm functioning my brain all the time... sometimes i make mistakes too, because no one is perfect right?? although i've learnt so much.. but i haven learn all... gambateh to myself, and gambateh to everyone... hope you guys can make your own life a better life to live with... remember, good or bad, all start from ourself... surrounding just something to affect our decisions...

(P) for Positive and (N) for negative

Thinkings

(P) i'm glad that i still have money to spend
(N) why other ppl so rich?? what also can buy, why i cannot buy ??

(P) oh, i got handphone... not bad... can call can sms
(N) why their phone so nice? my one so cacat de... no colour what also dun hav

(P) oh? i'm actually working... got income o =P
(N) everyday do same thing, salary so low... what the heck !

(P) i have a meal to eat, so grateful
(N) these again ?!?! can we eat something nicer??

(P) i have friends to hang out
(N) everytime go out with them, so sian la... somemore dun care bout me

(P) i'm playing computer... got connection somemore =)
(N) why ppl got laptop? and i'm staying at home with my computer ??

everything got their positive and negative sides, it depends on how you wanna think bout it and how you wanna live with it.... it's hard to stay positive all the time cause there's way too MUCH temptations around us... attractions... made our "wanting feeling" even stronger... i dunno la... i'm so two-sided now.... P + N = pure neutral... sometimes positive, sometimes negative.. sob sob... hehe... lolz ?

i hate my life and i like my life.... i hate the way it is, but i like the way it's passing by... i hate what's going on, but i like it in some other way... life is just so mysterious... happy sad.... going up and down... and.... you won't know what's going to happen next... always expect the unexpected... =P